What Dreams May Come

Posted on: January 7, 2012

I dreamt of British last night. I haven’t dreamt of him in so long. I don’t know what the dream actually was, but I woke up feeling lonely and sad and just thinking of him.

The dream that started our whole relationship was a sex dream. I had dreamt that he had just finished snowboarding and we were hanging out in our hotel room, having a good time. It had come out of nowhere, we hadn’t been talking daily, and we certainly had never talked about anything very personal.  I had debated telling him, but I thought it was a cute/funny dream that didn’t mean anything. I thought nothing would come of it, except maybe some naughty talk. But that one dream that I admitted having to him started us talking every day. He said he’d had a few dreams that featured me soon after the flight – I was surprised but excited to hear that. I had thought there was a spark but figured it was just on my side. I asked why he had never told me and he pointed out it’s slightly creepy for a guy to admit that to a seatmate from an international flight. Fair enough.

I’ve had a lot of dreams that starred him – I dreamt he taught my nephew to ride his bike super fast. That one was so cute and made me smile a lot. I dreamt I was pregnant with his baby, but was delivering in Africa, and even my parents were there. I wasn’t sure about telling him that one… but I did and he said it hadn’t freaked him out, though he is nowhere near ready for children.  I dreamt I played nurse for him when he had his broken wrist. I’d often dream that I was laying next to him, and would wake up so sad to know it wasn’t true. I also dreamt that he told me he couldn’t come visit me, which made me cry both in the dream and in real life. I dreamt that he chose to be with his girlfriend when that whole drama was going on. Whatever was going in our lives, I dreamt about it.

He had possibly the most vivid dreams I’ve ever heard, though he admitted he maybe embellished them after having remembered them. We were often in Africa in his dreams, always having lots of sex, and always happy.

There was something I felt about him from the moment we met. I was so honest with him him before I even knew him — when he sat down next to me on our flight, after we’d been chatting for a bit, I blurted out “Don’t be surprised if I fall asleep on you.” I promise I have NEVER said that to anyone… and, as far as I know, I’ve never actually fell asleep on anyone else either (of course, he’s the only one I kept in touch with. Maybe I’m a serial seat-mate sleeper-on-er). He told me later I was so fast asleep on him that he didn’t want to disturb me by going to the bathroom. He did though, and when he came back, apparently I just reshifted and fell back asleep on him.

Our whole relationship was based on an 8 hour flight, sex dreams, a broken wrist and a mutual lust that either turned into love or was confused for love… how did I ever think that would translate into anything real?  I asked him multiple times if this whole thing was ‘just sex’ for him – which I would’ve been ok with, actually. I would not have let my feelings get involved and would’ve treated him like I treat every other guy I date. But he said it wasn’t. He said he loved me. He said this was never just about the sex. I don’t actually think it was for him – that was a lot of time/effort/energy to put into getting laid. I think it was more than that… but we would’ve both had to be willing to put in the effort to make it work beyond that, and I was and he wasn’t.

I don’t want to dream about him anymore.


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