Arranging Marriages

Posted on: February 15, 2012

So as I’ve said before, I am way too old to not be married – this is according to everyone. I should have teenage children by now if I’d done things ‘right,’ like my parents had wanted. But I didn’t. Not for lack of trying, but nothing’s ever clicked for me. And obviously with what prompted this blog in the first place, when it does ‘click,’ it still doesn’t work out. So here I am, still single, and it drives my parents crazy. Like, honestly, I think it’s making them insane.

My parents had introduced me to this boy (let’s call him Z) through proper Indian connections – his dad’s brother lives in the same town as my parents and we’ve known them for years. They thought we’d be a good match, so his aunt called my mom to ‘introduce’ us.  We emailed a bit, chatted on the phone occasionally and finally set up a meeting. This all happened while British and I were still whatever we were. British still had his girlfriend so even though I felt guilty about it, I figured I shouldn’t hold out for him. I guess deep down I always knew. Anyway, Z wanted to meet up on Labor Day, but since I was headed off for my Scottish adventure of sex and love (but no haggis), I had to put him off.

Finally, we met up and had an 8 hour date. 8 HOUR DATE. On British’s birthday. Which kind of makes me giggle now. So for 8 hours, breakfast through dinner, we worked our way through the city. There wasn’t a lot of upfront chemistry but we had a lot in common and conversation wasn’t that difficult. I dropped him off at the airport to make his connection and we parted ways, with just a hug, and talked about maybe meeting up again.

Z was moving, going to be out of a job (of course, because, why wouldn’t he be?) and was passing through ATL on his way home. I told him we could do dinner or he could crash here on his way if he wanted, and that was our last conversation. We didn’t talk again after that, which was fine. He clearly wasn’t that interested and I wasn’t going to chase him.

My parents and his parents, on the other hand, are massively interested in us getting married. My mom asked about him last week and I told her the truth – I hadn’t heard from him in about 6 weeks. Two days ago, on the phone with my parents, my dad checked his email and had one from Z’s dad which said he hoped all was well with us and that Z had found a job.  Ok, good for him, right? Not so much.

Here is our conversation:

Me: That’s nice.

Dad: So you know what this means, right?

Me: What?

Dad: His dad is sending a signal that they’re interested.

Me: Sigh. Right Dad. THEY are interested, not HIM. He told me he doesn’t want to get married any time soon. Very clearly. This isn’t like it used to be with Indian boys – they don’t just say yes because they have to or their parents like someone.

Dad: No, YOU don’t understand. He didn’t have a job, of course he wasn’t interested.

Dad & Mom together: ALKJHREU:LSGH:DH{OFASWrHRhe:Gh   (this is all I hear when they both talk at the same time, because they like to pick up both of the mobile phones and speak and it’s this racket of just noise but nothingness, all at once)

Me: What? I can’t hear either of you.

Mom: Now he has a job and can get married.

Me: Are you listening to me, at all?? HE IS NOT INTERESTED.

Dad: I am emailing his dad back and saying he should email you.

Me: Ok. Fine. Whatever.

Dad: No, this is why you’re not married because you don’t listen.


Mom: But now that he has this job, his next job can be Atlanta and he can move there, because that will be his next step, and you guys can be together.

(SIDENOTE:  **It was at this point I realized how, in my head, I was married to British and living in Edinburgh and then moving somewhere in Africa (southern or eastern only, of course) and having halfie babies in the bush. Because I am my mother.)


Mom: You never know.

Me (thinking to myself): Holy fuck.

Dad: I’m going to go visit his dad.


Dad: To get you married. Enough’s enough. You don’t listen. If you’d listen to us, you’d be married.

Me: Yeah, and miserable. Why would I….


Me (thinking to myself): Because everyone I fucking know is miserable.

Me (completely defeated but out-loud): Ok. Fine. Go visit them. Have fun.

Me (thinking to myself):  1) Why don’t you and his dad just get married since you like each other so much? Jesus. Gay marriage is legal in some states now. 2) Dad needs a hobby, and getting me married can’t be it.

I can’t even argue this anymore so they can do whatever they want. I will keep you all posted on how this plays out. I’m sure after my Dad visits (I don’t know if my mom will go), Z will absolutely want  to marry into my family.

Also, to those of you who read this and aren’t Indian, this probably seems archaic, but the thing is, these types of marriages (based on commonalities instead of love) have worked for centuries. And I’m not going to argue the merits of one over the other in this post, but you just have to know that they’re doing this out of love. My parents want nothing more than to see me HAPPILY settled. And I argue with them about it, but at the end of the day, we all really do want the same thing – for me to be happy with someone who I will be with for the rest of my life. It is the duty of Indian parents to make sure their daughters are married, because culturally, that is the only way we’ll be taken care of after they’re gone. This is my parents’ duty and until it’s fulfilled, they’ll feel like their job on this earth and in this life is not complete. So, really, my siblings should thank me – I’m just prolonging my marriage so that mom and dad are around forever. 😉



3 Responses to "Arranging Marriages"

Very intriguing.

PS Curry rocks.

Thanks 🙂 I think curry rocks too!!

[…] The love affair between my dad and Z’s dad continues (Arranging Marriages). […]

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