Arranging Marriages – Part 6

Posted on: April 19, 2012

I have been home for 4 days and my parents have asked about Z twice already.

On Tuesday, dad asked if he’d called or emailed. Ok, so technically, I did have some garbled voicemail from him on my phone from when I was out, but I have no clue what was said, if he butt-dialed me or if he meant to leave a message. I’ll call this weekend when I’m not so jet-lagged and cranky.

Anyway, I told dad “no” that he hadn’t called because I didn’t want to deal with it. And I’m not sure that voicemail wasn’t a mistake. SO… Dad goes, “Do you want me to call his dad?”


Dad: “Ok! I was just asking!”

Fucking hell. Why do they not understand that if they FORCE this that we will both be miserable? Every time there’s a fight, I’ll resent having been forced into something? Every time I wistfully lust after someone else, I’ll wonder if I made a mistake? Why don’t they see that? I actually think they do, they’ve said as much when they’re defending me to other people (uncles and aunties who want to know why I’m not married)… but when it’s just us, they’re so blinded by my singleness that their normal reasonable thought gets shut off.

So then today, chatting with Mom and she goes, “So, did Z email?” HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.  I wanted to scream that. Instead, I just sighed and said No mom. And she goes, “Oh, he probably doesn’t know you’re back yet and doesn’t want to bother you.”

Then… her tears start. And I was in no mood for them today and I let her cry for a bit and finally asked, “Mom, are you done now?” And she said she was sorry for crying. And I said it’s fine, mom, I love you, don’t worry about it.

Then she says, “I try not to cry with you. I just talk to God and wonder why he doesn’t look at my beautiful daughter. Your dad gets tears in his eyes too now.”

Fuck me. It rips my heart out that I can’t make them happy. It kills me every time I hear her cry, or have Dad yell at me for not trying hard enough, or when she tells me later that he got teary as well. I know they don’t want to be mad at me, or sad about me, and they are just worried, but I’m tired of having to hear about it.

Maybe I’ve fought this as long as I can. Maybe I’ve had my chance for fun and I just need to settle, regardless of how it ends up being for me. I always thought the person I would want to be with for my life would make me and my parents happy… partly, the reason I was so devastated when things ended with British was because I knew I was going to have to go back to this.  I thought with him I’d found someone that I loved and that loved me and that I would be happy with and that my parents would be happy with… obviously not, and I know it’s better we ended sooner rather than later, but where does it leave me now? What choices do I have? According to them, there’s only one and I just need to take it and be happy about it.


5 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 6"

*Shudder* I can’t imagine being in an arranged marriage with someone my parents picked out. What a nightmare. You have my deepest sympathies.

Thanks! But to be clear and fair, there’s no real arrangement except for the ‘helping us meet’ part. Although I sometimes feel like I’m being forced into something, at the end of the day, I’m not. It’s fully my choice as to how I want to proceed – it’s just what I want and what my parents want isn’t matching up with this particular guy. Maybe it will given some time and if we meet again, or maybe it will with the next one, or maybe I’ll meet someone on my own (though that hasn’t worked out at all) — who knows?! The thing that I want to make sure come across is that my parents only want the best for me — a good, stable, nice boy. I actually do want the same thing – we’re not so far apart in our goals, really.

That’s nice you trust your parents judgment. I wouldn’t trust mine. I would end up with god knows what if they had a say.

LOL! I know a lot of people that say the same thing about their parents choosing for them!! 🙂

This blog is actually very funny because it reminds me so much of my friend’s mother and grandmother! He’s indian and he dates a Chinese girl and the mom and grandma was furious and I remember how he used to tell us all these funny stories about the traditional older generation in the family! I know I shouldn’t laugh at all, but just the way you mention it in your blog reminds me of his face when he told us the funny version of it! Love your blog! Love your honesty! 🙂

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