Arranging Marriages – Part 7 (some clarification)

Posted on: April 19, 2012

I realized with some comments I’ve received from friends and strangers, that basically, if you’re not a single Indian girl around my age, it’s really really difficult to understand what I’m writing about. That’s not good or bad, it’s just the way it is.

Actually, a perfect example of this is when I was in Windhoek and completely annoyed that everything shuts down at 6pm. I asked my office-mate one day why this was, and she told me because during apartheid, the blacks weren’t allowed out after 7 (or so), so everything closed early so they could be home and not breaking the law. I felt like a jackass. Just a complete jackass. I hadn’t bothered researching the history, I hadn’t thought about it beyond it being an inconvenience to me, but I sure as fuck judged it…

When I titled these posts “Arranging  Marriages” – it was slightly tongue-in-cheek. My parents will never force me to marry anyone. If that was their way of being, I would’ve been married 10 years ago. They WANT me to be happy. They WANT me to thrive. They WANT me to be loved and to love someone else. And, very honestly, they WANT me to have children, and given that I’m about to be 35 this year, it’s an issue I have to keep in mind. They also truthfully wonder why I can’t seem to meet someone when everyone else in my cohort has. It’s not a mean or irrational question. I wonder the same thing… and often, now, I really do think it’s my own fault. Perhaps I haven’t been as open to some people as I should’ve been – but there’s not much I can do about that now, especially since all those boys are already married. Ha!

But, in any case, obviously none of these things are opposite to what I want. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I don’t want to “that girl” that never found love. Of course not.

The reason I blog about these things is because they are my life. When I talk about my parents pressuring me, it’s because they are and it’s driving me nuts, but they do it with love. For them, there is no reason at all that Z and I shouldn’t get along – we are both Indian, the same age, educated, smart, successful, nice, happy, attractive and good people. Why wouldn’t I want him? And why wouldn’t he want me?   That question would’ve never come up a generation ago, because all those things that matched up were good enough. But now, we (I) wait for this ‘spark’ that may never happen. And honestly, let’s look at my track record on that ‘spark’ – considering I’m still single and the last time I felt that connection, he ended things on facebook, maybe it’s time to not rely on that so much.

My parents and I have the same end-goal in regards to whoever I end up with – a nice, stable, sweet boy who will take care of me. Our desires for my future are not different. And hell, of everyone I’ve ever know in my life, my parents and family are the ones who know and want the best for me. They’ll always support me, they’ll always be happy for me – why shouldn’t I trust their judgement?

And to be clear, it’s not that I’m opposed to Z, or any other boy they introduce me to. It’s that if I don’t feel he’s interested, I don’t feel like chasing, where they think I should.  And again, who knows? In the end, they may be right…  Z might be the perfect boy for me, and maybe the timing is better now that he has a job. And maybe the fact that our families freaking love each other really is an asset at the end of the day (actually, I totally think that is). I don’t know what the future will bring, but I hope all of these get answered soon…

The only thing I know for sure is that I’ll keep you posted 😉

Oh – and – thanks for reading! You could read so many different things and that you choose to read this little blog of mine is kind of awesome. So thanks. 🙂


1 Response to "Arranging Marriages – Part 7 (some clarification)"

[…] Following on from yesterday’s little tantrum I haven’t called my mum today. I still cannot be arsed with it. I don’t want to give the wrong impression of her – she is just worried and unfortunately decides that voicing the horrid thoughts that sometimes whisper in my head is her prerogative. CurryLove has allowed me to share a post she did which explains the situation perfectly – […]

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