I think I’m going crazy…

Posted on: May 3, 2012

And I can’t even blame it on PMS. It’s like I have PMS, during-MS, post-MS, all-the-time-MS.

Maybe if I was having sex, I wouldn’t be so pent up, but nope. That’s not happening either.

The last sex I had was with British, and that’s been sustaining me since September.  Of all my partners, he’s the only person I’ve slept with that I loved …  that’s not how I wanted my life to be, ever, but it just turned out that way. I’ve always cared about the boys I’ve been with, but never before loved. It didn’t make the sex any better, he wasn’t the best sex I ever had, but it was nice to know that I actually loved the person I was with, and that he felt the same way.

So since I’m clearly not getting laid, I need to take matters into my own hands. Literally. I’ll spare you the details, but this evening, after I made myself happy, I CRIED.  I CRIED AFTER SEX WITH MYSELF. Jesus.  Turns out the good thing about masturbation is that no one else is around to see the aftermath of tears.

Holy hell, I’m a fucking fruit loop. I can’t even explain it.  It’s not like I haven’t done this in the past 6 months, I do it ALL the time. I’m basically a guy when it comes to this.

But today, I came and cried. There I am, laying naked on my floor, CRYING and I can’t stop. I have my theories on why, which I’ll expound on later because I am sure you care, but I don’t even know where to start.

I may need to start medication.





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