Shoes and Boys

Posted on: May 8, 2012

I bought these hotties at Target this weekend AND they were on clearance for only $15!!! WOO HOO! (Side note: The amount of time I spend in various Targets is ridiculous. Turns out they don’t all price things the same which means I find something at one store, then go to another and see if I can find it for less, buy the second one, return the first one and on and on. It’s like I have OCD to see if I can find the cheapest whatever I’m looking for. I love it. It’s my own personal game.)

So, I wore them on Saturday night for Cinco de Mayo with a super cute pair of short (but not too short) shorts and a 3-quarter sleeve blouse. I was adorable, if I do say so myself. And actually, I am only saying it myself. How sad.

I did get told I have great legs though – which is partly due to the 5-inch heel and the fact that by the time we got out, basically everyone else was already super drunk since they started in the afternoon. Nothing like frat boys and blonde girls in sombreros and fake mustaches doing their 7th tequila shot. Ole!

Anyway, my friend, A, picked me up at the beginning of the night and we had to park a little further than I expected, so I weeble-wobbled my way through the pothole-y streets and cobblestone-like sidewalk (because of all the cracks, not because Atlanta is fancy) and watching where I’m stepping cause the vomit was already out in full force.

And A is annoyed with me because I’m in my super high heels (which he hates) about 3 feet behind him and he’s wishing I would just hurry up. He’s Asian, I’m Asian…come on, I’m just doing my womanly duty by being behind!

We get inside to East Andrews, and seriously, we are the only sober people in the place. Just the two of us. There are, however, plenty of scantily clad women dancing together and falling all over each other and putting on quite a show. So we took a seat and watched.

There was a girl in front of us who had a phenomenal body. I could not stop looking at her. I pointed her out to A and his exact words were, “She’s ok.” OMG! She’s cute! She’s got a great body! She has a cute dress on! She can dance! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

Him: “I start at the face, and if that’s a no go, nothing else matters.”

Apparently, he’s dating supermodels when we’re not hanging out.

So I point out a few more girls who I think are really attractive (and I get that everyone does not have the same taste in women) and none of them are up to his standards.

Then, he points out this girl who had a really large bag and goes: “I would never date her. Why do you need a purse the size of luggage?”

Which totally made me laugh and he’s right BUT HOLY FUCK. Could he (and all the other guys I was with that night) be more critical? It’s not enough that I have to do my hair and my make up and make sure I look decent, but I also have to worry about the purse I carry because that might turn you off?


So now, not only is he dating supermodels, but they must all carry their money, tampons, phones, cigarettes and condoms in a purse the size of the wallet. Which they then walk around with clenched inside their vagina so that nobody sees it, because god forbid it offends someone. And, they always wear flats.


I think I am going to take myself to the nunnery. And I’m going to wear these under my habit, because I also picked them up this weekend, at Target, for $15.  Booyah.


2 Responses to "Shoes and Boys"

I think the people in traffic this morning thought I was insane…I read your blog while driving and was laughing so much for the girl with oversized handbag and your take on the vajayjay being used as a handy storage compartment. I love your blog!!

Awww thanks!! I’m glad it made you laugh (though I hope you weren’t the one driving!!). I’m finding the absurdity of men around the globe to be both funny and painful, as you know all too well!!! 🙂

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