currylove

Should I have been a Damsel in Distress?

Posted on: June 24, 2012

I’ve always prided myself on being self-reliant. For more than 10 years… Nobody needed to take care of me, I could do it myself. I would never rely on anyone else to pay my debts. I am such a strong woman. I take care of everything: the garbage disposal that doesn’t work? I fix it. The hallway light that needs to be replaced? I do it. The circuit that breaks? I take care of it.

And then, I found out today, that my brother’s paid off some of his fiance’s student loans. WTF. Seriously. What. The. Fuck. She got those loans by earning a degree, that her parents should have helped with or prepared her for. But lucky her… she got my br0ther for ‘better or worse’… he’s willing to give her a 2K ring. A 5-digit honeymoon. And apparently some help on her fucking student loans.

I’ve never been needy. I’ve always taken care of myself. I’ve always done what I can for my own. And yet, here I am, alone. Nobody wants me. Nobody loves me. It didn’t matter that I voluntarily paid my own way for anything. I have no-one. There’s no one when I come home. There’s no one to tell me I’m pretty. There’s no one to hold me when I sleep.  There’s no one to wipe my tears away. There is no one that cares about how I feel. There’s no one to love me.

And she… this girl who is 10 fucking years younger than my brother,wh0 couldn’t take care of herself,  gets whatever she wants.

Should I have played the same games of need and want? Honestly, I don’t think I could  have. It would have killed me to pretend to want someone or need someone when I knew I could do it myself.  I thought British was great because he loved me for who I am. Ha ha ha. Big fucking joke that turned out to be.

I would have been better off pretending to be helpless. Look at the Duchess of Cambridge… she did whatever she needed to land a prince.  She waited 10 years for him to propose and she got exactly what she wanted.

I worked hard, I got my masters degree that I paid for (through loans, that I paid back), I bought my own condo with my own money. And what did it ever get  me?  Fucking nothing.  I’m underwater on my mortgage. I’m alone. I’m in my mid-30s. And I have not one damn thing to show for it because I didn’t play the game right.

So here I am. So strong sometimes and so worthless at others. I never wanted it to be with this way. I have had so many guy friends tell me that I am exactly what they want, but they go on to marry and be with the exact opposite. They marry girls that are 20 years younger, that don’t speak the language, that are completely okay with being dependent on them.

So maybe I should have been stupid and willing to take what I could get and not worry about being a strong girl. Cause there seems to be no reward for it.

I’m alone and broken and just wanting to be loved and I can’t find it.

Maybe I should have been the Disney princess who needed to be saved, instead of trying to save myself?

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8 Responses to "Should I have been a Damsel in Distress?"

I’ve often considered the same thing from a male perspective. I mean it more in the playing the game type of way. We value individuality and doing things on our own terms, but the truth seems to be, you can do that when you have enough power and means. I’ve played life relatively well, but I’ve always wondered how much better I might have faired if I had faked it and said “the right things” kind of like being a politician all the time. Or if I’d just blown off a lot of the more trivial things. I was always afraid of losing my soul doing those things. But really, what’s so great about the soul?

On the other hand, who knows what damage it does to the psyche to be like that. Perhaps his wife envies you for some kind of perceived personal freedom.

I think the truth, though, is that life sucks sometimes and some people just step in the lucky pit. Damn them.

You’re right, I think a lot of everything comes down to timing and luck… and those people annoy me beyond belief. 😉

Yeah but you have a really funny blog. That counts for something right? I’m sorry, that doesn’t help….

No, it totally makes everything ok that I write well and make people laugh. I’ll just start sleeping with my laptop at night, instead of hoping for a guy 😉

Although hard, and uncomfortably hot, they will always be there to entertain you at least. Having a boring conversation with a guy, or watch something on Hulu. Easy decision.

Hard and Hot… just like how I like my men. So basically, I’ll just start a relationship with my laptop as well. You are a smarty pants, I must say!

Would you want to be a damsel in distress and date someone like your brother? We know I wanted to lol 😉 But would you be okay with a guy who is exactly like the broski if he were to rescue you?

HAHA. You wanted to date everyone’s brother. 😉

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