Arranging Marriages – Part 15 (aka, my parents keep trying)

Posted on: July 3, 2012

My mom’s friend called her with information about this guy she knows – they’re family friends of theirs and he, at 36, was finally ready to meet a girl (Flag #1).

So his mom called my mom and gave my mom HER email address (Flag #2). If he’s so fucking interested, why don’t she give his email addy? Why’d she give hers?

I pointed that out to my mom, who just semi-yelled at me that I “have to TRYYYYYYYY”. Fine. What the fuck ever. This is not going anywhere, he’s already not interested and I told her not to get her hopes up. I got told not to be so pessimistic. Siiiiiggggghhhhh.

So I emailed his mom. Gave her my biodata (education, height (I don’t give my weight anymore since I’ve gained), family background, place of birth so they know I don’t need an H1 visa) and some pictures. I didn’t want to, but I’m sick of my parents thinking I don’t try hard enough — that I’m the reason this never works. I think my Dad is starting to understand, after the whole fiasco with Z, but still… I need to reinforce it.

His mom emailed me to say she forwarded my information/email to him. Great – so did I hear from him? Nope. She gave me his email address as well in that same email (Flag #3). The next day, she emailed to say she sent me his wrong email, so she sent one correcting him. At the same time, she called my parents and told them his profile ID on, so I looked him up. The profiles on there have options on who posted them – on your own, a sibling, a parent, a relative, etc. His profile? Posted by “other” (Flag #4).

This morning, I get another email: “I’m sorry, I still sent you the wrong address. Here’s his right one. Please contact him.”

What. The. Fuck. How is this still my problem? How am I still responsible for contacting him? How is that I have to chase these boys to the ends of the Earth, and they have to do nothing? And when it doesn’t work?  It’s still my fault. It’s still because I did something wrong. It’s because I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, I talked too much, I said too much — I was just either too much or not enough. It’s a fucking shit place to be in.

Because… at the end of the day, no one in our community stops to think of the heartaches, reasons why things don’t work, or issues. It’s just that SHE (me) didn’t do the right thing, SHE (I) didn’t say the right thing, SHE (I) was too {fill in the blank}: stubborn, unwilling, wrong, ugly, not smart enough, whatever the excuse. My parents are starting to get it, especially after Z and the issues… but it doesn’t stop everyone else from thinking I’m goddamn defective.






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