Baby Advice

Posted on: July 11, 2012

At work last week, my manager mentioned: “Oh, did you know so-and-so is pregnant?”

And I responded, with some confusion: “Is she married???”  Apparently, my subconscious is still living in 1950.  Because, how could a single, unmarried lady be pregnant?!?!

Anyway, I was chatting with another co-worker about this pregnancy and my coworker (let’s call her P) says to me: “I knew she was pregnant because she shared her outlook calendar with me and I saw her antenatal doctor’s visit listed. You know, she’s high risk because she’s over 35. Shame. Pregnancies are so hard when you’re older.”

Keep in mind that P is an older Indian female, not married, no children.

I said to P: “I’m going to be 35 this year!! Don’t say it’s going to be hard!!!”

Without hesitation, she looks at me, shakes her head and says: “Then you need to get pregnant.  You’re already too old. (*She totally got a side-eye for that one*) It’s the one mistake I made – I had a relationship years ago, and I knew it wasn’t going to work, but I should’ve had a baby with him – I’d have a 15 year old by now.”

And she looked so sad but matter-of-fact while she said this. And I, coming back to reality from the shock of her suggestion, said: “I cannot just get pregnant. And anyway, I sort of floated that by mom one time and she threatened to commit suicide if I ever did.” (Indian moms are schooled in the art of drama. I swear they all get a manual at some point and they memorize it so they can annoy their children with their theatrics. It’s like a Bollywood movie*.)

So P gives me this advice: “Just do it! What have you got to lose. Once you’re pregnant, at first they’ll go into their chest-beating and upset crying, and then you do the same!!  They’ll immediately stop and take care of you and will say: “No no… think of the baby. Don’t be so upset!” and you’ll be fine!!”

Um… yeah. This plan is SO NOT GOING INTO ACTION.  No way, no how.  Although, to be honest, the “no way, no how” is mostly because I have ZERO options even if I were thinking this would work.  Sigh…. I guess it’s the benefit of unintentional celibacy.

*Ok, so I couldn’t find a subtitled version of the movie, but the basic plot is these parents are getting older and their children didn’t want to take care of them, like they traditionally would, and instead, the only one who would pay them any attention and wanted to take care of them in their old age was their adopted son, because he was grateful they didn’t leave him an orphan. We watched it at home years ago – just me and my parents, and at the end, my mom is crying and is SO DRAMA and says: “Who is going to take care of us in our old age? Will you just put us in the nursing home?”

I just looked at her and without taking a beat said: “Mom … you should’ve adopted a kid, then you wouldn’t have to go to a nursing home.”

She laughed 😉


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