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Happy Diwali… can you hear me now?

Posted on: November 13, 2012

Today is Diwali, which is also the tithi for my Mom’s Indian birthday. Priding myself on being the ONLY child out of the three of us that ever remembers the second fact, I called my parents this morning to wish them a Happy Diwali and my mom a Happy Birthday. (And then I text my sister and brother to remind them to wish Mom a happy birthday – but only after I’ve called. Because I’m the middle child.)

My father, who thinks he discovered youtube, likes to listen to Hindu prayer bhajans in the morning. AT FULL BLAST.  I mean, literally, it makes you want to scream, which I don’t think is the purpose.

Anyway, I called home this morning at 9:50am and this was the exact conversation I had with them:

Me (whispering, cause I’m in my cube at work): “Hi Daddy. Happy Diwali.”  — ALL I HEAR IS HIS YOUTUBE IN THE BACKGROUND.

Dad (yelling, because he can’t hear himself but still being drowned out by the maximum volume on his speakers): “HELLO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHERE ARE YOU? YOU ARE AT HOME???”

Me (whispering): “Daddy – I can’t hear you. Turn off your youtube. Or at least turn it down.”

Daddy (not turning it off or down, and still yelling): “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU! SPEAK UP!”

Me (whispering harshly): “Daddy! TURN. IT. OFF.”

Daddy (still not turning it off): “WHERE ARE YOU? YOU ARE AT WORK?”

*On a side note, in all the years we have lived in this country, Diwali has NEVER been a holiday. We don’t even get Easter off. Where did he think I was?

Me (whispering a little less quietly and more harshly): “YES. AT WORK. WHY. IS. IT. STILL. PLAYING?”

Him (now having walked away from the computer speakers, but still not off because I can still hear it): “Oh, sorry! I couldn’t hear you.”

OMG! NO SHIT YOU COULDN”T HEAR ME! HOLY CRAP!

Him: “SO…why are you calling?”

Me (completely exasperated and not even bothering to be quiet anymore in my cube): “DAAAAAAAAAAD! I just called to say Happy Diwali! Where’s mommy?”

Mom (picked up the other line): “I’m here, beta. Happy Diwali!”

Me: “Thanks, Mom. Happy Birthday to you too!”

Mom: “Thanks – we’ll talk later since you’re at work.”

Done. The end.

So I went to temple tonight with some friends and then had dinner and on the way home, called my parents – Dad answered:

Dad (laughing like Beavis and Butthead): “Hey! Happy Diwali! I just couldn’t hear you this morning.”

Me (laughing too): “Thanks, Daddy. Happy Diwali AGAIN. Now that you can hear me.”

Dude. They’re nuts. Seriously, just nuts. But I wouldn’t want them any other way  🙂

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2 Responses to "Happy Diwali… can you hear me now?"

Happy belated Diwali, CL!!! Slash buahahahahaha! Love this post 🙂 My dad is the same except no youtubing — he just can’t hear (lost some of his hearing while serving in the army). So there’s usually less shouting, but he just talks over me talking because he can’t hear me saying anything. Very soothing — for no one.
xoxox,
Lar

“Very soothing – for no one” just made me crack up! 🙂 I’m so jealous of your Thanksgiving plans – have a fabulous time and I cannot wait to read about it!!!!

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