Ok, Cupid – Show me what you got – Part 14 (aka, You want to do what?)

Posted on: March 10, 2013

So while on my vacation, “The Bod” and I had a chatted a bit via text and we were supposed to see each other upon my return.

In the meanwhile, he was participating in this. Because, he is “The Bod” and that’s how he maintains his not-so-girlish figure. W.T.F. It sounded insane. He had to carry logs, carry people, wade through lakes (ewww), and generally haul ass all over the city, the whole time carrying 40 lbs of bricks in a backpack. At 1am. On the coldest night of the winter.

Who volunteers for this shit? Not just volunteers, but actually PAYS for it? AND WHY IS THAT PERSON DATING ME?!?!?!

Let’s face it – I’m active, but in a gym-based way. Being outside, to me, is just a way to die. I’m clumsy, so god knows I’ll fall off something and get stabbed by a tree. Or a bear will eat me. Or I’ll get stung and find out I’m allergic to bees and die of shock.

Ok, I’m being facetious, but still – me and Mother Nature are not BFF.

He, of course, doesn’t really know this about me because we’ve never had a reason to discuss it. And when I got back from vacation, this was our conversation:

Him: “The weather is supposed to be gorgeous this weekend…”

Me: “Uh huh… what are you getting at?”

Him: “Do you want to do something outside?”

Me (to myself): Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkk.

Me (to him): “Ummm… sure. What are you thinking?”

Him: “Want to go for a hike?”

Me (to myself): No.

Me (to him): “Sure!”

Him: “Great!”

Me (with some word vomit): “Can we do an easy one? Cause I suck at climbing things.”

Him: “How bad can you be at it? It’s just walking… outside.”

Me: “You don’t understand! I fall in my own house! Like a few months ago, I caught my pajama bottoms on my foot and fell face first on my floor. I can’t do that outside!!!”

Him: “Um… you’ll be fine. Besides, if you want, I can do it while carrying a log and some bricks.”

Me: “NO! That’s even worse because you’ll STILL be faster than me! I’ll be so embarrassed.”

So yesterday, off we went, on a hike. I had had diarrhea in the morning (different post) so really was hoping for something easy. Thankfully, it was fine. I didn’t have to poop during the walk, and we stopped at a nice little section of rocks and watched the water for a bit.

He came back to my place and we ordered in, I baked cookies (did NOT turn out so great) and we were in bed by 11. Yup. Exciting Saturday night.

So then came the sex. Obviously, we haven’t been hooking up that long, but I can already tell you EXACTLY how we’re gonna do it (not that I’m going to right here). There’s no variety. Not that it’s not fun, I totally enjoy it, but it’s the exact same. Every time. HOW CAN IT BE SO ROUTINE ALREADY??? I need to figure out how to change that… assuming there is a next time.

When he was leaving today, I asked if we were gonna do this again – it’s my standard question when we part ways. He said, “Of course” but we didn’t plan our next date. He just said, “We’ll figure it out.”

Fine. Whatever. I don’t want to be the one who pushes on this again and again. I’m assuming he wants to keep his options open, so I am too – just said yes to a guy on OkCupid who wanted to grab drinks. Why not?



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