Arranging Marriages – Part 25 (aka, Please just give the fuck up)

Posted on: March 14, 2013

So when I was visiting my sister, my mom called me into the other room and asked me to sit down. Whenever she says to sit, I know I’m not gonna like what she has to say, so I was already defensive and annoyed.


“I talked to your cousins in India. They went to a Joshi.” {Joshi = ‘seer’ – not a psychic, really, but someone who reads astrological signs based on birth-date/time.}

Me (more annoyed than I started): “And…”


“Well, he told your cousin and his wife what to do, and if they listened, they’d be pregnant in 6-months. And 4 months later they were pregnant.”

Ok… let’s look at this logically. My cousin and his wife, who were both nearing 40, went to someone and told this person that their goal was to get pregnant. So this guy told them to do some religious stuff and they’d be guaranteed to be with-child in 6-months.

DID HE NOT HAVE A 50-50 CHANCE TO GET THIS RIGHT? Either they were gonna be pregnant or not. Holy F.U.C.K.

So then she says,

“I asked them to take your information and he said you have to to do ‘ek-vaar’ {eat only once a day/fast the rest of the day} on Saturdays and Sundays and you’ll be married by May.”

I just looked at her.  Then I said this:

“Mom. Are you INSANE???? You want me to fast on the weekends when I should be out with my friends??? NO. I am NOT doing it.”

And then I felt bad for calling her insane and was super nice to her the rest of the day. And luckily, she didn’t cry like I thought she was going to… and I just walked away.

Turns out she’d already had this talk with my sister and my sister, THANK GOD, prepped her for my refusal.

Here’s the thing:

  • As my friend, F, noted – my food groups on the weekends are liquor and cheese. HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GIVE THAT UP?!?!?!
  • Also, I have a better chance of meeting a guy in a bar than I do starving myself at home.
  • And… I DO NOT BELIEVE IN IT. Why does God want me to be hungry so I can find a husband? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF LOGIC IS THIS?
  • If all it took to get what you wanted was to do some fasts, wouldn’t all of Syria be on a hunger strike right now?
  • AND… May is a few months away. Does she think, with or without these fasts, that I would be getting married that quickly? Does she know me at all?

I’d ignored all of that until now – I just got off the phone with both my parents and mom says: “Oh, they’re making your ring.”

Me: “Umm….. what? What ring??”

Mom: “The ring you have to wear with the red stone. It’ll help you.”

Look. I’m not atheist (though every guy I’ve dated the last few years has been)… but I don’t believe THAT much. To me, my religion is much more cultural thing than it is a religious one. Is wearing this ring really going to help me find the love of my life? No, it’s not. Unless he’s gay and super into jewelry….

I obviously did not say any of this and just said, “Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”

So then mom says, “Try do ek-vaar this weekend if you can.”

And I got pissed:

“MOM! I’m NOT DOING IT. What am I supposed to say when my friends call and want to hang out? That I can’t go? That I’m trapped in my place because I don’t want to hang out if I can’t eat or drink anything? That’s not fun!”

And Dad stepped in, laughing to help diffuse the tension: “That’s fine, we’ll do them for you.”

And then he changed the subject.

I’m sorry I don’t believe. And it KILLS me that I hurt her/them, but I do not believe that if there is a God that he/she wants me to give up my life in order to just get married. I could’ve been married a few times by now, and I’m not for a reason and that reason is ME. I haven’t found what I’m looking for or what I want, and when I have, it hasn’t worked.

And I worry about having kids and being alone and all those things that come with getting older, but I sure as fuck do not think that limiting my weekend activities so I can sit at home and be hungry is EVER going to help me find someone.

And if it would’ve and if I fucked it up, well… I’m sorry. But I guess the expected pay-off of marriage wasn’t worth the sacrifice to me.


10 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 25 (aka, Please just give the fuck up)"

“…my food groups on the weekends are liquor and cheese…” That’s my kinda gal… 😉

Awesome! Wanna get married? 😉

Of course! Only minor problems being 1) I’m already pretty much married and 2) I’m British – you don’t want to go there again! Otherwise a perfect match… tell your Mum it worked – nearly 🙂

Damnit! Another plan foiled by reality. 😉

Too good, CL! And I totally support you in your non-fasting, liquor and cheese ways. Life’s too short to fast… and then not get what you want!

Thanks!!!! 🙂 I can use all the support I can get since I think mom’s not talking to me right now… sigh. Post coming soon.

You are hillarious! My friend is Hindu & had to fast every Thursday & wear a pendant with certain gems… None of this seems to have worked for her & she’s been doing it for 3 years (she even prays every morning!)

The worse bit was when she met a guy recently & they both really liked each other. The Kundli’s didn’t match so they split up… Crazy!

Lol! I feel so bad for your friend! It’s so hard to find someone to like in the first place and to let it go bc of that is so sad!

Being Indian overseas isn’t easy, eh? You might get a kick out of my post too.

Thanks! Will definitely check them out 🙂

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