Ok, Cupid – Show me what you got – Part 15 (aka, But just not right now)

Posted on: April 1, 2013

I shut down my OkCupid account today. I’ve got a few remnant dates lined up for this coming weekend, but I’m tired of dating and this dismissal by “The Bod” hurts my feelings more than I care to admit.

I guess because it’s the same way British did it — the stringing along of “Sure, we’ll hang out. Sure, I’ll call you.” Dangling that carrot of intimacy and continued togetherness, with no intent of actually doing it. I find it so offensive and gross.

It makes me feel like shit to the point where my friends can tell it affects me.

Today I told my friend T how every time my phone rings or I get a text, I still hold out hope it’s him. I hate being this girl. I hate being this insecure, and I hate that I let myself feel this way because some kickball playing douche doesn’t want to hang out.  I shouldn’t care, but I do.

T said this:

The bod – what a bust. Honestly I think you need a real break from him and all these losers. Disable your account, and just focus on something else….maybe getting super toned up or clearing up the clutter.  I can tell he is bothering you a lot!!!  You seemed pretty upset about him, similar but not as severe as you were with British. You don’t need to go thru that again with him so you need to nip this in the bud and move on. He’s clearly in a different frame of mind and even if he does like you (which I think he does) he wants to spend his time chasing soccer balls. I really don’t think its anything against you, just his priorities are different….not worth your time in my opinion!!!!!

She’s right. She was right when she told me the same things about British. ALL my friends were right and I didn’t listen to them then, and let’s face it, *if* The Bod ever calls again (which I don’t think he ever will, but I hope that he does), I won’t listen to them then either, because I’d definitely go back out with him.

But like I told her, I  hate that every time I like a guy, it goes nowhere. I know it’s dumb but I really wonder what’s wrong with ME that AFTER they get to know me (whether a year or a few months) they’re just like, “Eh, I’m never calling HER again. My life’s better without her.”

And I guess with The Bod it bothers me because he’s been married before – so he can clearly commit.  Even if I deduced by my google stalking that she may have been a lesbian.  😉

And I guess the other part that bothers me, in general, about boys these days is the total and complete lack of follow-through. Dammit boys. Say what you mean and mean what you say. It’s not that fucking hard. And provide some closure if you decide that things aren’t going the way you want. Just fading away is the most popular, but most heart breaking way to end things because it leaves the other person wondering why they’re such a loser.

As T says, “It’s just so unprofessional.” Haha. It is!  I mean, are they like this at work to? Do they not respond to emails or calls for months at a time? NO. Because they’d fucking get fired. So why is it ok to be so non-communicative in personal lives? It’s not like I’m looking for a 20 minute discussion about our feelings, but I don’t want to hear, “Yeah, we’ll hook up when I get back” when there’s no intention in that ever happening.

You know the only guy I have that I see consistently, responds to texts and follows-up on plans? MY TRAINER. And that’s because I pay him.





10 Responses to "Ok, Cupid – Show me what you got – Part 15 (aka, But just not right now)"

When you start thinking highly of yourself, the people who gravitate to you will think highly of you as well. You’re obviously smart, and take care of yourself. It sounds like you have thoughtful friends, which is another positive reflection of you. Expect to be treated well and you will be — and should be. That’s my two cents (or whatever that equal in British pounds), from a happily married guy who finally realized 1) he deserved to be happy, and 2) couldn’t make someone else happy until he realized step 1.

Thank you! I agree, you bring in what you put out… I thought I was putting out good vibes and all that, but who knows.

You’re welcome! Good vibes can still attract the wrong people. It’s just as important to feel that good vibe in return. Trust your instincts. Sheesh — believe it or not, I’m a humor columnist, not an advice columnist 🙂 I just don’t like seeing good people taken advantage of. I’ll stop preaching!

Thanks again 🙂 Every time I trust my instincts, I get dicked over. SO… maybe I’ll do the exact opposite of what I think I should. 😉

Wow, it sucks to feel like that. I’ve been a subscriber to your blog for a few months now, and it has been a delight to read your smart, hilarious writing! All I can think of to say now, is how inspired I was by your recent post “you don’t give yourself enough credit.” I think you should reread that today 🙂

Thank you SO MUCH for your kind words!! I’m so flattered you enjoy reading my crap 🙂 And, you’re right, I should reread that one. Thanks again for following and enjoying and commenting!

Sorry to hear, but it sounds like T has some sound advice. Take good care of yourself 🙂

Thank you!!! Gonna *try* to not obsess over this dumb boy. 🙂

Something very similar happened to me in the past few years. When I started reading your articles about ‘the bod’ it all reminded me of what was happening in my own life.

Few years ago, I started this online dating thing cause I was approaching 30 and I think that is a really vulnerable phase for women. I don’t trust people easily that’s why I am very cautious when it comes to online dating.

However, I met this extremely good looking and well educated guy who charmed my socks off. He flaked on me twice,each time for about 8 months or so and then returned. The second time he flaked he said he would call and he didn’t. I left him an email saying it was great to know him, and I wouldn’t take it to heart. There was no reply. I was shattered. No guy in my entire life ever made me feel this bad. I thought maybe he wanted someone prettier or some heiress or I don’t know what. I am a very attractive and well qualified woman myself. When I reject someone, I either have a conversation explaining why things cannot work out or follow-up in some other manner but I don’t flake out abruptly.

Well, my story didn’t end here. Mr Charming returned after another 8-9 months. I was thrilled. But after a few months, I decided to listen to the nagging sensation I had in my gut. I realized, that someday I don’t want to tell my children on how their father flaked out on their mother. Nor do I want to be with someone I cannot respect, or someone who cannot respect me. Over time, it just gets harder to love and trust someone you cannot respect. And so I ended things, and looking back I think that’s the best decision I ever took.

Ugh. I’m so sorry for anyone who has to go through this AND I’m sorry reading this brought that back up!!! But, glad you’re happy with your decision and moved on 🙂

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