Arranging Marriages – Part 26 (aka, Here we go again)

Posted on: May 10, 2013

So my parents aren’t giving up, but have been off my ass for a little while. And it’s due to one thing – I agreed to go to a matrimonial convention happening here in town.

This isn’t my first rodeo – I’ve been to them before, and they are NEVER as fun as the New Girl episode made it seem.  Basically, the first night is like a ‘party’ you didn’t want to go to, where nobody knows each other but is forced to make conversation. The second day, you show up, find your table, and speed date for HOURS. Literally, hours. You meet all the eligible bachelors who also got roped into going to this thing and then at the end, rank your ‘preferred’ partner.

If you rank each other as ‘first’ – it’s an automatic “first date” somewhere in the hall, with some more time to chat. If you don’t, well – it’s a lot like a school dance where you sit around until you get called to talk to someone.

It’s a cluster fuck of amazing proportions, it sucks, I hate them and I’m going next weekend. I’m debating taking a flask.

Basically, a few weeks ago, I was out with some girlfriends and my mom called and left a message, in which she TEARFULLY BEGGED me to go to this thing:

“Beta, Please just go. I don’t have a lot of money, but I can give you $25 to attend this. Please try.”


So, I signed up because my mom’s tears make me feel guilty beyond all hell for not fulfilling my Indian girl destiny to get married and procreate  by a reasonable age. Plus… hopefully… maybe… I’ll meet someone.

SO THEN… last night, I get a call from one of the helpers to go over some rules. I listened patiently – the theme for the first night (the more relaxed “getting to know each other” time) is “Fiesta.” I guess we’re going all out on the ethnic stuff then. I mean, we are the same color.

She says:

“Please wear something colorful, but nothing revealing.”

What. The. Fuck.

So…. I shouldn’t wear the new sequin shorts I bought for my Vegas trip ??? (Side note: they fit like a glove and I’d wear them to work if I worked as a stripper.)  And how in the hell did she already get the memo that my “girls” like to come out and play?

AND – the age range for this thing is 23 to 38, so I’m definitely trending upwards on that. I asked her what were the ages that were coming, and she says, “Well, for your table, everyone is within 1 to 2 years.”

Awesome. We are the old table. Hopefully the rest of my senior citizen counterparts are as fun as I am 😉







6 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 26 (aka, Here we go again)"

love the blog

Thank you soooo much!!!! 🙂

I’ve never heard of these marriage conventions – they’ve not made their way over the pond yet but sound errm interesting!!
Good luck!

So apparently this is a very Gujarati thing to do. None of my other friends (Goan, Punjab, etc) have been to these! Be thankful you’re not subjected to it 😉

CL, you are such a good daughter (so apt that it’s mother’s day today)! I am crossing my fingers and toes for you when you go. And your fiesta crack had me rolling on the floor (not literally — floors are too cold here in Scotland — still! Where the F is spring?). Can’t wait to read how it goes!
xx, Lar

Ohh!! Sucks that Spring still hasn’t sprung! Hopefully you go straight to summer! 🙂

Will definitely keep you posted on how the convention goes…. I’m assuming I’ll be annoyed with everyone but perhaps I’ll be pleasantly surprised! 🙂

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