This ring isn’t working like it should…

Posted on: September 23, 2013

I went to a big two-day concert in the park here this weekend — side note: I realized I’m too old for this – I hate porta potties and I hate entitled little shits whose parents clearly paid for their tickets but act like they own the world. Luckily the shows were good and the drinks were strong. I would go back, but only as VIP.  😉

Anyway – back to the magic ring. On the first day, we had just gotten there and were about to go up the hill to grab some drinks and food, and all of a sudden I feel someone kind of grab me, but keep moving. I thought it was a friend of mine just goofing around.

Turns out, IT WAS SEIZES!!!!!  I ran into SEIZES!!! AND. HE. IS. GETTING. MARRIED.  To the girl he cheated on – and yeah, he cheated with me (and probably others – I don’t think I’m that special in that regard).

We talked a bit and they’re getting married in spring of next year, and I asked him flat out if he still cheats on her, and with a wink and a nudge, he said, “NO! Of course not! I’m offended you asked!”   Uh, right…..

He finally got a job as well (the economy really demolished his industry for a few years), and his offices are just down the road from me – so we’re supposed to meet up for happy hour at some point. We’ll see what happens.

So then, the second night – after long lines for the porta potties, after little bitches cut said line by flirting their way to the front, after the rain and mud and cold temps – my friend and I made our way to the back of the hill, near the exit (strategically positioned so we could leave fast) and waited for RHCP to come on…

As we’re standing near the beer bucket, I notice this guy come to buy beers – and I realize I know him. I haven’t seen him in years, and I was just thinking about him a few days ago. He’s German, super cute, and we used to hang out/date for a bit.

But, there was just never any chemistry. I (surprisingly) never even had sex with him, EVEN THOUGH  we were caught in a tornado together (Yup – went downtown for this outside photography exhibit, and for the first time in the city’s history, a fucking tornado ripped through downtown. We had to haul ass, ran into a hotel lobby and I looked pretty much like a tree threw up on me. I had twigs and leaves IN my hair.)

I also met him for a weekend in Amsterdam** AND STILL NO SEX. I mean, let’s face it, there was just nothing between us, which sucks because he is sweet and nice and cute and awesome and I’m probably an idiot for not forcing it a bit more and trying harder from my side.

But none of that matters now, because as he told me, after giving me a big hug and making small talk, he and his beautiful black girlfriend (who was not very nice to us, at all) are moving to Germany together.

Fuck my life, you guys. This damn ring isn’t bring me new boys. It’s just showing me what I could’ve had and how I’m still alone and they’ve all moved on.

**AND, that stop in Amsterdam was on a layover back to the States, from Africa. It was on that flight, from Nairobi to Amsterdam, that I met British. I swear to fucking god if  this ring brings British to me, I will kick him in the balls and break his nose.  And cry, a lot.













2 Responses to "This ring isn’t working like it should…"

I remember that tornado! I drove through it but your way sounds way better ;D
So sorry for the British memories coming back up, CL. I’m glad the festival was fun even with the unwanted reminders. Also, I decided I was too old for the port-o-potties and mud when I was 21 (I’m granny-fied now — my last concert was a very tame Laura Mvula set that ended at 10:30 on a Monday night) — so I totally salute you for going. It inspires me to be less grannylike.
xoxox, Lar

It’s Friday night, and I’m doing dishes and watching the new Michael J Fox show on DVR. Let’s not salute me for being un-grannylike 😉

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