currylove

Arranging Marriages – Part 36 (aka, Do you even want this)

Posted on: October 27, 2013

Called home tonight after a fun weekend and one of the first things Mom asked was, “Did that boy call?”

I told her he hadn’t and she asked if I called him and I said I hadn’t, I’m not that interested in him and reminded her that he doesn’t even have a job.

And then she says:

You can’t be like that with everyone. Maybe he could move to Atlanta! You should tell him that – he can look for a job there, if you both meet and like each other. You need to think about this – what about all these boys that live in other cities and you don’t want to move there. This may be good.

So basically, I should marry him because he’s jobless and easily relocatable? Talk about lowered standards.

I told her how he said he doesn’t want to just marry someone in months – that he wants to take a few years.

That made her think a bit.  SO THEN, she asks,

Do you even want to be married?

I was silent for a few seconds. I really wanted to say, “No,” just to see what happened. But that’s not true.

Before I can answer, she says,

Why don’t you try to find someone in Atlanta?

Oh. My. God. Why haven’t I thought of that for the ten fucking years I’ve lived here?!?!?!!?

I cannot even put into words how much of  a loser she unintentionally made me feel like – I never thought I’d be nearing 36, single, no kids, no change in my life from the years past.  I never thought it’d be THIS fucking hard. Never.

I didn’t WANT this life, and I accept that some of the choices I’ve made have led me here. But I don’t know what to change about myself to change things.  I wish I did – I would change it in a heartbeat.

It SUCKS to not have someone to talk to about my day. It SUCKS to not have someone to love, who loves me back. it SUCKS to sleep alone, night after night. It SUCKS every time I get my period to know that my chances of having kids is getting smaller and smaller. It SUCKS to have to come to terms with the loneliness and the life that may exist in front of me – one that’s different to what I had expected.  And it SUCKS to be reminded of all that by my parents, who mean well, but whose questions stab my little heart time and time again.

As much as they worry about me, don’t they think I worry about myself the same way? Do they think that this is what I want? And I guess I don’t tell them about all the nights I’ve cried, and all the boys I’ve loved, and all the guys I know that cheat and how that worries me… and I don’t tell them because I don’t want them to worry even more than they already do.

And as a spectacular ending to this story, the douchey British boy did call, right after I hung up with my mom. I was so annoyed, I didn’t answer. So her little lecture did the exact opposite of what it was supposed to.

Sigh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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18 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 36 (aka, Do you even want this)"

I think parents sometimes worry when their kids are single because they like to know someone is looking out for their kid.

On the flip side, I’m not one for believing that marriage should be the ultimate goal for anyone. Enjoy your single life and the freedom it brings you.

You’ll meet someone when you least expect it. That happened to me. I remember at the time thinking of how exciting it was the I could be just around the corner from meeting a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

And don’t worry about your age and having children – these days women can have children well into their forties. I know that sounds condescending, but it’s true. Just think how lucky you are that you can have children. There are those of us who don’t have that option.

I wish you all the best for the future. Sending loving thoughts your way.

Thanks for reading, and taking the time to comment with such kind words 🙂 I’ll take all the loving thoughts I can get! Thank you!

You’re welcome!

I know you don’t want to worry them, but maybe it would be good to have a heart to heart with them, so that they at least have an idea of what you’re feeling when they do stuff like that? Just from what I read, it sounds like they think you’re indifferent to the situation, when that really isn’t the case? Hope you’re feeling better. *hugs*

Thanks for reading! 🙂 You’re 100% right – we’re not a very open family, so it’s hard to have conversations about feelings. But its time I try to have an honest discussion, at least with mom. Maybe it’ll help. Thx!

It’s a world wide problem ! I’m starting to think maybe the people who are in relationships are wii g to give up more than I am … I hate to admit that as much as I would love another boyfriend one day , I actually am happiest when I do nt have one :/ xo

Wait….. what happened???? Did I miss a post???? Missed hearing from you!!!!

Oh heaps ! I moved down to NSW after Dave and I split up – having a partner you see once a month was taking its toll ! I did a post about it but because I have not been as active lately you probably missed it ! – He still see’s Marli and we talk on the phone but like any break up , it’s a roller coaster ! Xx

Ugggghhhhhhhh. I’ll check your blog for it. That sucks but at least he’s still active with the baby… sorry girl 😦

I know , it wasn’t the plan at all but these things happen , and yep your right , at least he is a man that wants to be a Dad no matter what the circumstances , Ive definitely seen worse cases. Secretly I kinda love having Marli all to myself most of the time 😉 Thanks for the messages , Ill try and keep in touch more often ! X

I would never admit it in real life, but I feel exactly the same. (minus the kids part) I hate coming home to a dark and empty house night after night and worry that I might not ever find someone that loves me back. I feel lonely a lot more often than I did some time ago.

It gets harder and harder! And then I get really angry/sad when I see everyone else (and sometimes not nice ppl) coupled up. Argh. 😦

Ugh, me too. I have 1 single friend left, everyone else is in serious relationships and having babies. And all they say is ‘It will come for you, don’t worry.’ Yeah, that’s what I stopped saying 3 years ago.

I know!!!! When ppl say that, it makes me want to punch them. I basically think its time to buy some cats and give up…

I’m afraid to say it, but I actually have a cat 😉

Hi CL, I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. I never understand why there has to be so much pressure involved in finding THAT person, you know? Is it because of our biological clocks ticking away (hate that btw)? I’ve been reminded by certain family members now that I’m over-the-hill-biologically at 30 AND have endometriosis, I really need to start trying to have babies with my husband now because it’s probably going to take me 5-6 years to get pregnant. Nice eh? The pressure doesn’t even end when you find the guy.
p.s. Maybe this life you have right now doesn’t seem so great, but can I just say you are hilarious and witty and fabulous!
xoxox, Lar

Aww- Thx, Lar!!!!!! That means a lot 🙂 I know it never gets easier – once I find the guy, then it’s the baby and a “real” life that’s harder than this. I shouldn’t complain but. .. I do 😉 Thx for reading – as always! And I’m super happy you’re feeling/doing better! !!

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