currylove

Everyone annoys me

Posted on: January 12, 2014

I’m at a age and a point in life where I fucking hate everyone. And that includes family.

Ok, hate is a harsh word. Irritated by everyone may be more truthful.

My parents 50th anniversary is coming up, and it really bothers me that my sister can’t compromise on vacation plans to celebrate it. She says she can’t take the kids out of school for a cruise my parents want to take because “they (sister/her husband/kids) are thinking of going to India at Christmas.”

They’ve been “thinking of going to India” since my niece was born….seven years ago. So now, all of a sudden, the year that she should use their vacation for my parents anniversary, she can’t, because they *might* go to India.

I love my sister, and her kids, but jesus christ that’s the fucking stupidest thing I’ve heard in forever.

And they can’t take the cruise we want to take in April because that’s tax time, and when her husband’s business does the most money.

Here’s the thing – I get that it’s their business and I get that that’s how they make ends meet. However, missing ONE tax season won’t kill them financially.  Not even close. I know it won’t.

I think (and I understand that what I think doesn’t matter one fucking bit) it’s more important for those children to understand what family is about, and what family vacations are like, and what kind of fun they can have outside of their stupid city they live in. And what that would mean to my parents, their grandparents.

And that’s what kills me most is I would do anything for my parents. And it makes me mad they won’t. I guess I can’t expect them to, but they’re so selfish – and so up their asses of their in-laws (both my sister and my brother, respectively) – that it physically disgusts me.

In Indian culture, all pregnant women should want a boy. It’s thought that having a boy is better for the family as the boy will take care of the parents later in life.  It’s why I’m the middle child – because I was the second girl, so my parents tried again, to have a boy.

My brother exists because I was a mistake.

I should’ve been a boy. I’ve been disappointing my parents since the day I was conceived, which is ironic because, years ago, when my sister was pregnant with my niece (and had had trouble conceiving prior to her pregnancy), my parents and I were driving to my brother’s place (this was before my brother was even thinking of getting married) and this is the conversation we had in the car:

 

Dad:

“Your sister should have gone to a fertility clinic and selected to have a boy. They can do that now, you know.”

Me (after some quiet because I was so pissed he said that – they’d just spent a few days in MY condo, and we were driving in MY car, and he was talking about how a BOY would better):

“What?? WHY?!”

Dad:

“Because a boy will take care of them when the get old.”

Me:

“Daddy…. let me tell you something. Your eldest daughter is useless – she’s so into her in-laws and that family, she’ll never take care of you. Your son… he’s also useless. He’s gonna marry some white girl and she’s not going to take care of you at all.

You know who’s going to take care of you? I am. It’s going to be me. I’m going to do everything for you, and I’m not a boy.”

Dad was silent for a bit and then Mom, from the back seat, spoke up:

“She’s right you know. It’s going to be her.”

Sure enough, it’s all true. My sister is so into her own life and her own family, she can’t plan beyond that. And my brother did marry a white girl.

So it will be me that takes care of my parents. And the thing is, I’m happy to do it because honestly, I think I can do it best. I don’t trust my siblings to take care of our parents the way I think they should and I know that’s a shitty thing to say – and it’s not like they’d beat them or starve them or anything like that – but they, our parents, would never be first. And I think they should be. I think they should always be first.

My dad left India in his 20’s. And because he left, there are, literally, generations of our family that are beyond better off than anyone would have ever imagined. GENERATIONS. And I think that means something, even if no one else does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 Responses to "Everyone annoys me"

Ok, hopefully you recognize me by now, and you know that I have loved reading your posts. But this one literally made me say – oh no she didn’t.
I’m not gonna say that I’m offended, because I don’t know you personally, and you don’t know me personally. But “He’s gonna marry some white girl and she’s not going to take care of you at all” did rub me the wrong way. My boyfriend and I do plan on getting engaged within the year, and eventually will marry. The fact that I am white, in no way means that I will not take care of his parents. Should his parents choose to come to the US and want to live with us, I will gladly have them in my home and do what is necessary to take care of them. This also doesn’t mean that I will abandon my mother when I marry. Although I do live on my own, it doesn’t mean it is because I don’t want to take care of my mother. It’s actually quite the opposite. My mother lives with my brother (sound familiar?), but she can’t stand it. She feels less and less independent each day, and all she talks about is wanting to live on her own. So, there’s that. Still enjoy your blog, though!

I wonder why Indian parents compare kids so much. It’s too much pressure growing up. I have spent a lifetime being compared with my sister, not just by my parents but from relatives, family friends, neighbors… People sometimes say really nasty things. I have reached a point where I ignore people when they start with their mean comments. Why spoil my day because of their idioticities. Anyways, big hug for you. Hang in there!

Thanks!!!! Drunk blogging is never a good idea, but it definitely spills out everything I want to say 😉 Comparisons suck – there is just no avoiding them. Luckily, we’ve all grown up to be awesome in our own way, so the comparisons are now limited to – “they’re married and you’re not.” 😉 It never ends!

Family is so tough! It’s never easy – even when it’s good. It sucks that your parents can be so emotionally hurtful, but they’re like all parents – stuck in their ways and beliefs. All that being said, it’s really touching how much you love and want to support your parents. I totally get that. Sometimes my parents annoy me so much, but I still love them so much and would do anything in the world for them!

family is definitely difficult to navigate, and there’s no getting around it – you’re stuck with them!!! So, all in all, I’m super glad I’m stuck with the ones I have 🙂

Everyone annoys me ALL the time 🙂
Try what we do.. Fall into an argument over some completely unrelated irrational matter, throw in the real issue, scream and shout, sulk for a day or two, then resume “normal” family communication. This seems to be a common occurrence in my family at the moment but seems to be working. You all get everything off of your chest and also get to see the other person’s perspective which usually causes a change in some action or other. 🙂

Yes….This is honestly how we best communicate but that is a whole other issue!

P.S. Your mum acknowledged that you were as good/better than any son. They will be forever hung up on the shining son idea but what can you do about? Being a brown daughter can suck sometimes.

Lol! That sounds like our communication style as well 🙂

It sucks, but I also shouldn’t blog drunk. Hahahaha!

How have you been? I miss your writing! How are you??

I am good! 🙂
I still log on to read all my favourite blogs – which, after writing and then stopping – does seem a little like I’m looking in through a one way glass but I have nothing new and exciting (how tragically dull!!) to blog about so I’m in some kind of semi/possibly permanent hibernation.

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