Arranging Marriages – Part 40 (aka, omg. My sister too)

Posted on: January 27, 2014

So last night my sister forwarded me some email from a guy on Shaadi – the Indian dating website. Per our agreement, she’s still in charge of that stupid profile, which I wish she would just take down.

She called me a bit after forwarding it and says:

“CurryLove, I don’t even know if I should tell you this… but the other day, I was praying so hard that you finally meet someone and then the next day, this guy emailed. So I paid the fee and signed up so we could read his email. You HAVE to talk to him.”

Oh mother fucker. Can we stop praying that I just meet someone and instead start adding some qualifiers? Like, “handsome” and “employed” and “nice” and “normal” and “happy.”  IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

In any case, I read this guy’s email. Ok, so here’s some history, he emailed first (and his profile is BARE. As in, almost no information about him except for salary – Greater than $150K, of course. Red Flag #1) and my sister responded to him and told him that the profile was for me and instead of giving out my email/phone number, she gave him her’s.

Now, while this sounds ridiculous in normal life, in normal Indian life – this is totally acceptable. I’ve had so many random family members call me that I don’t bat an eye anymore. It’s just the way it is.

So, this guy emailed her back a response that I thought was slightly on the rude side, especially for us:

Sorry help me understand here….you’re managing this profile for your sister, correct? Hmmm…i am not sure how that would work but if she’s interested in text/email then i can be reached at xxxxxxxxx. Sorry, i am new to this site so not sure what i would email you about your sister! 😉

You’d email her a fucking biodata. Jesus. It’s common Indian sense. Red Flag # 2.

Based on her begging, I did text him this morning. The first text he sent back, he didn’t sign. And there was no name in the email. So I had to ask… he responded and I explained to him why she manages the account for me.

So then we go back and forth a bit – with me asking most of the things, like WHAT HIS DAMN NAME IS, where he grew up, what he does. You know, fucking basics. And he’s answering but not really engaging. Red Flag #3.

Turns out, he moved to the States when he was 19 (and he’s 36 now). SO…. that’s Red Flag #4. Let me explain – if he grew up in India for his formative years, he KNOWS why my sister is handling my shit. He KNOWS about biodatas. He KNOWS how the whole family gets involved. So to wonder about that doesn’t make any sense to me – is he trying to deny his heritage? And you may think that is reading too much into it… but it’s not.  I know guys like this. Moved here for college and DESPERATE to get away from the perceived stigma of not being “cool,” i.e., wants to be totally American.

A little bit more back and forth, and he says he owns his own on-line marketing business, but doesn’t give me the name of said company. Red Flag #5.

This isn’t my first time around the block. Every guy I’ve ever dated or hung out with or talked to for five seconds on the train has told me about their work – business, title, how long they owned it/worked there, what they did, how much they loved/hated it. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

So the natural response when someone tells you they own a business, but don’t tell you exactly what it is, is to then ask for the name of the said business, right?

That’s what I did:

“Oh that’s cool! Never met anyone who has their own online business. What’s the name?”

And yes -I was totally going to google that shit to verify things. But wait, what did I get back in response?


“do you always ask so many questions?!! LOL.”

Followed up by a few minutes by:

“Are you a lawyer? ;)”

Listen here, douchebag. Adding “LOL” in all caps doesn’t actually make that fucking funny.

In addition to being a supermodel, chef, child-bearer, and maid, I’m also supposed to be psychic?!?!?!

I haven’t responded yet, because I am not going to be nice. But seriously, how else are you supposed to get to know someone? Just randomly chat about shit that doesn’t matter? People like to talk about themselves, especially guys – and anytime someone’s not willing to answer basic questions, it’s suspicious. Red Flag #6.

Am I being harsh? I don’t think so – because yesterday, I chatted with some random guy from Tinder.  I had mentioned that I was going to out for most of the afternoon and know what he just texted?

“Hey, get your errands done?”


The good thing is though, I don’t need to ask the Indian guy any more questions. Because I’ve psychically deduced he’s an ASSHOLE.










2 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 40 (aka, omg. My sister too)"

Right! By any standard! What a dummy 🙂

Definitely trust your gut on this one. Good riddance!

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