Arranging Marriages – Part 41 (aka, Why is the dog Jewish?)

Posted on: March 4, 2014

So a few days ago, I got this “interest” from an Indian guy on the Indian dating website, to which I responded with a quick few sentences to say hello and gave him my real email address.

I received an 8 page email. No lie. It just went on and on and on in a Faulkner “stream of consciousness” way. I couldn’t even get through it the first time. I opened it, scrolled down… and kept scrolling, and closed it right back up.

There was an attachment with it, though, that was a dog with what I thought was a party hat on – totally weird, but whatever. I assumed it got added by accident or something.

When I finally got the courage to read (ok, skim) the rest of the email, I get to the end (after he gushes about how he loves his  job, discusses how he can swim ten laps, rhapsodizes about his ‘romance’ with tennis, and basically writes every thought he’s ever had) and read this sentence:

p.s. attached is a photo of my pooch “xxxxxxx” at his 14th birthday “Bark Mitzvah”  Sadly I lost him last year. This photo always makes me smile, so thought Id share my personal rabbi with you…..

Ok. What in the fucking hell.


Honestly. In my entire life, I never thought I’d have to ask those questions.  What I thought was a hat, was actually a yarmulke. And what I thought was a random table cloth, was actually some blue shirt with the Star of David on it.

I could not make this shit up if I tried.

Sooooooooooooo then…. my sister asked today if I’d heard from him, and I said yes, he’s kind of weird and sent her the email – assuming she’d giggle and agree with me, and this was her response:

Ok, what do you want? Someone to write you three lines??? You get annoyed if the don’t write, you get annoyed of they write too much, at least he wrote back!!! Fine it may be generic, what else is he supposed to write about except his life/ hobbies/ interests….why write it a thousand times over????

Yes it’s weird, maybe he is also trying to weed out girls, ie if a girl thinks its weird and doesn’t write back, not worth his time???

All I am saying is at least he wrote, he has a ” real job”, lives here in USA, citizen, not too big of a family, I have one guy that keeps calling me from India should I call him??!!!


Alright – I’ll admit she has a point that I’m picky in terms of a first impression. You know why? Because for the 15 god damn years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never been wrong when I’ve gone with my first impression. Also, what I WANT is someone normal. I don’t really think that’s asking so much.

I did enjoy her ‘threat’ about calling the guy in India. Not my minutes or my money, so whatever floats your boat. I should’ve just said yes to that, to see what happens.

But what pissed me off… BEYOND pissed me off… is this assumption that these are the maximum standards I should have: a job, lives here, and that he wrote an email.  By those qualifications, any random guy from work would be marriage material too.  I get emails all day long from them! They must SERIOUSLY LIKE ME.

AND what else pisses me off is that she’s already making excuses for him. Who’s making excuses for me? Who’s standing up for me? Who cares what *I* want? I TRIED to weed myself out of this, and now I feel like I have to talk to this guy. I mean, if that was his attempt, it was going to work!

So I asked her: If your (now) husband had sent you this same email before you ever met, would you have talked to him?

And she was all like, “It’s weird, but I don’t think I would’ve taken him off the list.”


Let’s just call that bullshit like it is. When you have someone and don’t have to do this anymore, and it’s not your time and energy being spent – it is so fucking easy to sit back and smugly say, “Give it a shot. Talk to him. You never know.” 

Because that’s what happened today – all those in a relationship who heard this story/read his email/saw his Jewish dog, said, “You should give him a chance! You never know!”

Meanwhile, all the singles who got the same info said, “What the hell. Who does that in the first contact email???? Definitely weird.”

I’m gonna talk to this guy, because I clearly have to –but good god, I cannot read another 8 page email from him, so let’s hope it’s better on the phone and I don’t have to listen to his random thought bubbles  – and who knows. Maybe he’ll be great. Maybe he’s the one. Maybe maybe maybe.

If we get married, I’ll name our new dog after my sister. It’s the least I can do. 😉








3 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 41 (aka, Why is the dog Jewish?)"

Never steer away from gut feelings or first impressions. The times I’ve done that were dramatic… And God yes please name that dog after your sister

I know! That’s what makes me mad! This guy nobody has ever met gets thousands of excuses already made for him. Ugh.

[…] I’ve heard that before. And as one of my friends recently told me: “You have shit taste in […]

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