Arranging Marriages – Part 42 (aka, The Weekend of Desi Dating)

Posted on: March 11, 2014

I had two lunch dates this past week, both Indian guys, met through different avenues. Lunch date #1 was through my parents (god knows how they found him, I don’t ask anymore) and Lunch date #2 was through Shaadi – the Indian dating website.

So let’s start at the beginning:


Lunch Date #1:  He’s a divorced FOB, been here in the States for 8 years. He’s a doctor from India, but now working on his MBA, of course. That was pretty much all I knew. We had gone back and forth on text a bit, and we settled on an Indian place for Saturday lunch.

He walked up (I got there first) and I was pleasantly surprised.

Not bad looking, nicely dressed and nice shoes. He sits and we start chatting – there were some definite “Huh?” moments as I speak pretty fast, and English is his second language, but for the most part it wasn’t that awkward.

In fact, there are things about him that I really like – he’s adventurous, he’s a meat eater (yes, I know. I’m the world’s biggest hypocrite since I’m vegetarian, but I prefer that my manly men eat meat. I can’t help it.), he’s clearly smart, he’s outgoing, he drinks, he’s not too religious, he understands the need for chemistry in a relationship and he seems NORMAL.

He’s still a bit of a partier, which I get –  he’s  a few years older than me, he’s been married/divorced (turned out she was bi-polar and wouldn’t take her meds – oops!), and I think he’s still just ready to go out and have a good time, which I can appreciate.

He actually called today to see if I wanted to go to Panama City with him for a Spring Break weekend. I said no – I mean, we’ve only had lunch together once. I’m not traveling with him.

And also, Panama City at Spring Break??? EWWWWW.   Ten years ago, I may have considered it… but now? No way.  So I told him to have fun, but that I couldn’t make it and he understood.  We’re supposed to meet up for dinner on Sunday instead of going on a cross-state trip.

So I don’t know. I didn’t hate him, wasn’t grossed out by him… but do I want to sleep with him? I’m not sure yet. Partly, I wonder if I should even care about that anymore (yes, I know in a perfect world I should, but realistically, does it matter??) – maybe he would be a good life partner in all the other ways.

There’s always a catch though – he’s interviewing for jobs and may be leaving the area**. SO…. I guess we’ll see what happens. I want to get to know him better, which is at least a good start for me.


Lunch Date #2: This guy was born in the US, has a graduate degree in engineering… and possibly doesn’t know he’s gay.


I walked up to our destination, and I swear, I’m bigger than him. He’s … slight. Not like he’s tiny, but definitely on the small side for a guy. And he makes jewelry. And he’s got a softer voice than I do (though, I have a loud mouth – that’s not really saying much).

Ok, I know all of those things don’t add up to gay, but it was just strange. I can’t explain it any better than that.  It wasn’t a bad lunch, at all. But it wasn’t a good one either – no witty banter, no teasing, nothing that would’ve made it seem like we were on a date as opposed to related.  He is, of course, unfailingly polite and sweet and we’ll never be anything more than friends, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that so I’m pretty sure I’m going to be stuck seeing him again.


**I had only told my parents about Lunch Date #1, because they were the ones who’d set up the introductions. After lunch, I called home, and Dad answered and said they were in the middle of some religious thing, so they’d call me back – I said that’s fine, I need to get gas so I’ll still be driving.

He calls back in about 15 minutes and asks,

“So, did you drop him off?”


“What? I just said I was getting gas!”


“No, you said you were taking him somewhere.”

OMG. They are literally just making shit up now.

Anyway, Mom pipes up:

“I thought maybe you had some good news for us!”

WHAT GOOD NEWS?!?!? What in god’s name could’ve happened over a one hour lunch?!?! WHAT? I actually asked her what she expected after a lunch, and she sort of just trailed off.

Seriously, I don’t think they even hear themselves anymore. They’re on such fucking autopilot with the stupid marriage stuff, they just say shit without thinking.

SO THEN, I tell them lunch was fine (he paid, which I will admit, surprised me) – and I mention that he might be moving.


“Why don’t you tell him that if he stays in Atlanta, you’ll marry him”


Ok, in Dad’s defense, he was totally laughing when he said that, but there’s truth in every joke. And Dad did say that they know it won’t be a quick courtship, especially after he’s already been divorced once.

And then Mom spoke up and tries to be helpful but really just stabs my heart with:

“You know, it’s just going to get harder for you.”

Yes. I know. I’ve always known. I KNOW.

I sometimes wonder if there wasn’t this ridiculous pressure, could I have been happy with someone before now? If I hadn’t always worried about is he perfect – for me, for the family, for everything – could I have been more willing to compromise on things previously? I guess we’ll never know, but I really do wonder if things had been more easy going, less pressure, less “the whole family is worried about you” – would I have found what I needed?

But, that’s not how things are, so I deal with it the best I can – which is often to get surly and quiet and  avoid calling them because I don’t want to talk about this every fucking conversation we have. I’m not going to tell them he asked me to travel with him, but I may tell them about dinner on Sunday.

Although to them, two dates is probably engagement time. Sigh.





5 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 42 (aka, The Weekend of Desi Dating)"

simply amazing … loved the ease & flow of words… WOW. I am a blogger from india… my page is pls share feedback

Thx for the comment! Will check out your blog 🙂

Your dad’s comments always make me giggle. I’d say get to know number 1! He seems like a nice, normal(!) guy. As long as you’re having a good time there’s no harm. As for number 2, the jewelry making thing would make me reconsider. Call me shallow hahaha

Dad is hilarious – sometimes unintentionally 😉 I agree – bachelor #1 is defi worth getting to know! #2 was SO nice but very asexual. Have a tinder date tonight…. it’s raining men! 😉

Oohh exciting! Hope it’s as good as my last one Rooting for you!

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