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Arranging Marriages – Part 42 (aka, The Weekend of Desi Dating)

Posted on: March 11, 2014

I had two lunch dates this past week, both Indian guys, met through different avenues. Lunch date #1 was through my parents (god knows how they found him, I don’t ask anymore) and Lunch date #2 was through Shaadi – the Indian dating website.

So let’s start at the beginning:

 

Lunch Date #1:  He’s a divorced FOB, been here in the States for 8 years. He’s a doctor from India, but now working on his MBA, of course. That was pretty much all I knew. We had gone back and forth on text a bit, and we settled on an Indian place for Saturday lunch.

He walked up (I got there first) and I was pleasantly surprised.

Not bad looking, nicely dressed and nice shoes. He sits and we start chatting – there were some definite “Huh?” moments as I speak pretty fast, and English is his second language, but for the most part it wasn’t that awkward.

In fact, there are things about him that I really like – he’s adventurous, he’s a meat eater (yes, I know. I’m the world’s biggest hypocrite since I’m vegetarian, but I prefer that my manly men eat meat. I can’t help it.), he’s clearly smart, he’s outgoing, he drinks, he’s not too religious, he understands the need for chemistry in a relationship and he seems NORMAL.

He’s still a bit of a partier, which I get –  he’s  a few years older than me, he’s been married/divorced (turned out she was bi-polar and wouldn’t take her meds – oops!), and I think he’s still just ready to go out and have a good time, which I can appreciate.

He actually called today to see if I wanted to go to Panama City with him for a Spring Break weekend. I said no – I mean, we’ve only had lunch together once. I’m not traveling with him.

And also, Panama City at Spring Break??? EWWWWW.   Ten years ago, I may have considered it… but now? No way.  So I told him to have fun, but that I couldn’t make it and he understood.  We’re supposed to meet up for dinner on Sunday instead of going on a cross-state trip.

So I don’t know. I didn’t hate him, wasn’t grossed out by him… but do I want to sleep with him? I’m not sure yet. Partly, I wonder if I should even care about that anymore (yes, I know in a perfect world I should, but realistically, does it matter??) – maybe he would be a good life partner in all the other ways.

There’s always a catch though – he’s interviewing for jobs and may be leaving the area**. SO…. I guess we’ll see what happens. I want to get to know him better, which is at least a good start for me.

 

Lunch Date #2: This guy was born in the US, has a graduate degree in engineering… and possibly doesn’t know he’s gay.

Sigh.

I walked up to our destination, and I swear, I’m bigger than him. He’s … slight. Not like he’s tiny, but definitely on the small side for a guy. And he makes jewelry. And he’s got a softer voice than I do (though, I have a loud mouth – that’s not really saying much).

Ok, I know all of those things don’t add up to gay, but it was just strange. I can’t explain it any better than that.  It wasn’t a bad lunch, at all. But it wasn’t a good one either – no witty banter, no teasing, nothing that would’ve made it seem like we were on a date as opposed to related.  He is, of course, unfailingly polite and sweet and we’ll never be anything more than friends, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that so I’m pretty sure I’m going to be stuck seeing him again.

 

**I had only told my parents about Lunch Date #1, because they were the ones who’d set up the introductions. After lunch, I called home, and Dad answered and said they were in the middle of some religious thing, so they’d call me back – I said that’s fine, I need to get gas so I’ll still be driving.

He calls back in about 15 minutes and asks,

“So, did you drop him off?”

Me:

“What? I just said I was getting gas!”

Dad:

“No, you said you were taking him somewhere.”

OMG. They are literally just making shit up now.

Anyway, Mom pipes up:

“I thought maybe you had some good news for us!”

WHAT GOOD NEWS?!?!? What in god’s name could’ve happened over a one hour lunch?!?! WHAT? I actually asked her what she expected after a lunch, and she sort of just trailed off.

Seriously, I don’t think they even hear themselves anymore. They’re on such fucking autopilot with the stupid marriage stuff, they just say shit without thinking.

SO THEN, I tell them lunch was fine (he paid, which I will admit, surprised me) – and I mention that he might be moving.

Dad:

“Why don’t you tell him that if he stays in Atlanta, you’ll marry him”

BECAUSE I AM NOT INSANE.

Ok, in Dad’s defense, he was totally laughing when he said that, but there’s truth in every joke. And Dad did say that they know it won’t be a quick courtship, especially after he’s already been divorced once.

And then Mom spoke up and tries to be helpful but really just stabs my heart with:

“You know, it’s just going to get harder for you.”

Yes. I know. I’ve always known. I KNOW.

I sometimes wonder if there wasn’t this ridiculous pressure, could I have been happy with someone before now? If I hadn’t always worried about is he perfect – for me, for the family, for everything – could I have been more willing to compromise on things previously? I guess we’ll never know, but I really do wonder if things had been more easy going, less pressure, less “the whole family is worried about you” – would I have found what I needed?

But, that’s not how things are, so I deal with it the best I can – which is often to get surly and quiet and  avoid calling them because I don’t want to talk about this every fucking conversation we have. I’m not going to tell them he asked me to travel with him, but I may tell them about dinner on Sunday.

Although to them, two dates is probably engagement time. Sigh.

 

 

 

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5 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 42 (aka, The Weekend of Desi Dating)"

simply amazing … loved the ease & flow of words… WOW. I am a blogger from india… my page is sachinmanan.wordpress.com.. pls share feedback

Thx for the comment! Will check out your blog 🙂

Your dad’s comments always make me giggle. I’d say get to know number 1! He seems like a nice, normal(!) guy. As long as you’re having a good time there’s no harm. As for number 2, the jewelry making thing would make me reconsider. Call me shallow hahaha

Dad is hilarious – sometimes unintentionally 😉 I agree – bachelor #1 is defi worth getting to know! #2 was SO nice but very asexual. Have a tinder date tonight…. it’s raining men! 😉

Oohh exciting! Hope it’s as good as my last one Rooting for you!

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