Lunch “Dates”

Posted on: May 6, 2014

I had lunch with an old colleague today – old as in I used to work with him a long time ago, and old as in he’s old enough to be my dad. It’s always fun, he’s always inappropriate and I enjoy chatting with him, both as a mentor and a friend.

Today, after we got the work stuff out of the way, he tells me about how he’s dating a new “lady friend” and asked about my love life, as he always does.

For the last ten years, he’s been telling me how I need to get married, settle down and have kids, because, in his words, “You really need to pass those genes along.”

Yes, I would like to, but for those of you regular readers of this blog, you know how fucking hard it is.

So we’re chatting today, and I’m complaining about the lack of ambitious, authentic guys and he’s telling me how they’re probably intimidated by me (I’ve heard this theory before, I’m not sure I believe it) and then he says this:

“Well, I would’ve had a child with you.”

Me (after I choked on my coke):

“What? You need another mouth to feed??”



“No! But, I would’ve had one you, at any point in all the time I’ve known you. It would’ve be fun. Besides, you don’t often find someone where the inside and the outside are equally great.”


“Seriously, you’re about to retire.  You can’t afford a kid now.”


“Well, also, I’m getting older and I have no real desire to do it anymore. It’s doesn’t work like it used to.”



Yup, just silence. Because for once in my life, I was totally speechless.


“Too much information??”




“Well, if we ever had a kid, I’d be really proud of it.”


Ok, I was already laughing through this whole talk because I don’t take any of it seriously, and neither does he (well, he does a little bit, but I think he knew well enough that I was not going to take him up on his lunch time offer of impregnation), but this made me laugh the hardest.


Because HE HAS THREE KIDS!!! I know he’s proud of the first two, but the last is a total fuck up and he wants a do-over for sure.

I called my friend, A, on the way out of lunch because she knows him well, and she couldn’t quit laughing and goes,

“You two would have the smartest kid ever. “

Too bad it’s not a real option, but it is the first time I’ve been offered a baby at lunch.

Maybe I should have him freeze his sperm.





2 Responses to "Lunch “Dates”"

That is pretty hilarious!

It was the most interesting conversation I’ve had in a long time! !!

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