Yes, I know it’s me – part 5 (aka, he visited)

Posted on: January 28, 2015

…And I have zero desire to be with him, but haven’t had the balls to tell him yet.

I should want him. I should want to be with him. He’s nice, he’s generous (paid for all our meals, even though he had to buy a ticket to fly down here), he’s complimentary (he always told me how nice I looked) – he’s perfect on paper. But we’re not living our lives on paper, so it makes this all the more difficult.

He got in Friday and we went to dinner, where I got my first clue that I didn’t think I could be with him.


So I’m thinking of investing in this business with my friend, he asked me to go in with him.


Oh cool! So what is it? What kind of business? What kind of return on your money?


I don’t know. I haven’t done any research.


That’s weird. Don’t you want to know where your money is going?


Well, I’m just a silent partner.

Me (very confused):

Riiiiiiight…… but don’t you want to know what your investment will be used for? How long it’ll take to earn it back? What the process is?


They’ve made us a shit offer, so there’s no point in researching until we get a better offer.


WHAT? You’re going to wait until you get a ‘decent’ offer to do any research on whether this is actually something you should put your money towards? WHY? Why would you not want to know up front if this is even worth investing anything in?

We went back and forth on this for a while. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t bother to even find out if this business was something that would be worthy of an investment to start, and he seemed to think it was no big deal.

Finally, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and just blurted out:

This is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. How do you NOT want to know where your money is going? Why are you willing to just possibly throw it away?

And I think I shocked him, because he then says:

I mean, of course I’m going to research. It’s been a busy week and this offer came in last Friday – so I just haven’t had a chance.


That’s not what you said. You said, for the last 20 minutes, you weren’t going to bother until you got a better offer.


Oh well, that’s just miscommunication. That’s not what I meant.

I dropped it but IT WAS NOT fucking miscommunication – I think he finally just realized how stupid he sounded.

On Saturday we did a pub crawl and met some of my friends out that night. I don’t know where he was, but it was later in the night, I was outside with my friends … and I started to cry.


I mean…. that’s a really bad sign.

But there I was … tipsy and crying and all I could say was:

What if this is it? What if this is the rest of my life? I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to.

And to my friend and her fiance’s credit, they both were just very calming and said exactly what I needed to hear:

This isn’t it. He’s not the one. He’s not right for you.

And I felt/feel guilty but he’s not. I shouldn’t CRY at the thought of being with someone.

I had one more day left with him.

So Sunday, we walked to lunch and on the way out, I had my hands in my pockets (which I guess he didn’t notice) and he apparently tried to HOLD my hand… except my hand was nowhere near available so instead he grabbed my wrist, which I wasn’t expecting BUT I STILL DIDN’T TAKE MY HAND OUT OF MY POCKET!

And instead, I blurted out:

Oh! My hands are so cold! Aren’t yours? Sorry. I need to keep them in my pockets.

HOLY FUCK! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? But again… clearly he’s not for me. We didn’t kiss at all over the weekend, and I didn’t want to either. We came home drunk-ish on Saturday night, and I left him in the guest room alone so I could go to sleep. I have no desire to do anything with him. And I feel guilty about that too.

To cap off what was a basically uneventful un-offensive and unfulfilling weekend, we went for a stroll in the park. As we’re walking, he says:

Oh, there’s a water fountain.

I assumed he was thirsty but didn’t see what he was talking about, so I said:

I don’t see it, but do you want to get a bottle of water or something?


No, it’s fine. Just a water fountain.


…. I still don’t see it….


No big deal. Just a water fountain at the apartment complex. Out in front – just looked nice.



Sigh. I feel bad even just typing this all out. He’s not a bad person. But he’s not MY person. There’s no passion or desire for anything. There’s nothing in common for us except we’re both Indian.

And knowing all this, I still do wonder if I should give it another chance? See him again? I don’t think the outcome will be any different and I don’t want to waste his time, but there are no other options  — so do I cut him loose knowing there’s no safety net? I think I have to… I mean, I cried at the thought of being with him. And I don’t want to have sex with him. But am I just dooming myself to being single?

I know what my answer is, but instead of cutting it off like I should, I keep responding to his “Hey how was your day” texts and basically continue to lead him on.  😦







8 Responses to "Yes, I know it’s me – part 5 (aka, he visited)"

He’s not a bad person. You’re not a bad person. You’re just not a fit.

Break it off. Don’t continue leading him on. He deserves an opportunity to find someone who really cares for him.

And no, you’re not dooming yourself to be single. Take some time to figure out what makes you happy, and you will find someone who fits into your life.

I’ve taken SO much time to figure out what makes me happy… and that person everyone promises just hasn’t show up yet. It’s annoying. 🙂 But you’re right that it’s just not a fit and I need to break it off so he can focus on someone better for him too.

He’s a fucktard. You’re way too intelligent for that shit.

Omg… i knew you’d get it. I didn’t want to come out and say I’m smarter than him.. but I think i am!! Lol. I kept hoping there would be a glimmer of something – like maybe not book smart but street smart? Nope. At least not that i saw. Sigh. Back to the drawing board.

No, it’s really not you (aka he visited, he disappointed, he left)

You deserve much better than a guy who holds wrists and points out water fountains : )

I read this while at the grocery store and actually bust out laughing 🙂 thank you 🙂 we all deserve better! I miss your writing … any chance we’ll get to catch up on your life soon?

It seems to me he’s not that bright. I mean, given the fact that I get offered business opportunities, and I sneak around, call up contacts, get online first available opportunity to create a dossier of what the business is, turnover, market share, return on investment, future opportunities, etc and the list keeps going. To know, this bloke simply just waits for a better offer simply means this is the way he does things. Both in professional life (assuming his professional) and personal life.

Just sit around until a better offer come in. He’s a joke.

As soon as you tell him to sling his hook, the quicker you’ll feel better and let’s be honest you won’t lose sleep over him.

Plus you’re far more intelligent than this fuck-wit is. Dump him before he dumps you life.

Yes!! That’s exactly what a normal person would do – investigation of opportunities to make informed decisions! !! I’m so glad i am not the only one who thought that was weird 🙂

And yes… i need to man up and end this. I just haven’t done it yet.

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