This one wasn’t me… I don’t think

Posted on: July 7, 2015

So out of the blue, because Mercury is in retrograde still, on Sunday I got a text from this guy I had chatted with last year from one of the Indian dating websites. It didn’t go anywhere last year, per usual, but he was going to be in town for a couple of nights and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up on Monday for coffee or dinner. I said yes, because why not?

We ended up going to dinner at a pizza place that is totally not date friendly. It’s loud, it’s family style seating and it’s hot since you’re basically sitting in the damn kitchen. The pizza’s good though.

Anyway, the whole date was just awkward. Like super fucking awkward.

First off, he starts with questioning me on why I was so ‘short’ with him on text. I hadn’t remembered this at all, but after he brought it up MULTIPLE times I finally remembered. Basically he wanted to have in-depth conversation on whatsapp, and I didn’t.

Just pick up the phone and call, but don’t try to get paragraphs of information out of me on fucking messenger. It’s never gonna happen. So I don’t really understand why he even reached out if he was still clearly annoyed by that, but I guess he wanted to give it a try? Who knows.

Then, he starts talking about how he has to talk to so many “bitches.”

BITCHES. HE CALLED THE WOMEN HE TALKS TO BITCHES. ON A DATE WITH ME.  I mean, looking back, I guess I’m also in that category to him? I have no idea. Again, it was so weird.

In his defense, he has met quite a few not nice girls from what he told me, but he was also clearly taking it out on me in some way… like he had such a chip on his shoulder about all these other girls who were mean or dismissive, and I guess he thought I was as well? But then why bother to ask me out?

And I was being “not a bitch”! I was commiserating on his crappy experiences, and being optimistic about our night out, and trying to be engaging and entertaining.  So dinner and conversation continues and I actually had fun! Even though it was slightly awkward, he had some really interesting things to say, and he’s really an interesting person too. There were glimpses of potential.

But then. He starts asking about how often I log on to the dating site, and I told him that I hadn’t been logging in to it recently.


“Shouldn’t you put in effort to find someone? Don’t you want a family? Why do so many girls not try? I mean, your job’s not going to make you happy forever. Why even have a profile if you don’t care? Don’t you want to find someone? “


And he’s not wrong. He’s absolutely not wrong. But I don’t go on dates to be lectured. I mean, sure, go ahead and think that. And maybe at some point, bring it up … but on the first date?

Again, the whole thing is so weird because while he’s semi-lecturing me and telling me about the horrible girls he meets, he wanted to continue chatting.

So, we went to get gelato, and he spoke in Gujarati to me. Which is fine. I’m fluent. But that doesn’t mean I want to respond in it…  it just felt like he was testing me to see if I was telling the truth about speaking. He asked me, in Gujarati, if I wanted some gelato now that I’d seen it. I told him, in English, “eh, not so much. I’ll just have a little.” He went on to translate that into Gujarati and then try to make me say it back.


The poor teenage gelato kid. He was probably hoping the old assholes speaking semi-English in front of him would just order a damn scoop and go so he could close up.

Here’s the thing. I’m not shy to speak in my language. But I don’t want to be goaded into it, or treated like a child when doing so. It was again, so awkward.

But all of that to say, he wasn’t a full out asshole. He was nice and paid for dinner and there were things about him that I really enjoyed and actually look for in a partner.

He walked me to my car, and as we said goodbye, he just kinda stood there. So I hugged him goodbye. Which was also awkward because I had to move towards him to do that, and he wasn’t exactly reciprocating so it was a weird half-hug. I thanked him in person for dinner and told him I had fun, and that I hoped to see him soon.

No response to any of that, which probably should’ve been my first clue.

I texted him when I got home to say thanks again for dinner, it was nice meeting him, and to ask if he made it back to his hotel ok.


NOT A FUCKING TEXT BACK. Not even to say “yup, i’m at the hotel” or “sorry never wanna see you again” or “Damn all you bitches!”


The perplexing thing about ALL of this is is that he wonders why I don’t make more effort online….but the thing is, I made effort in ACTUAL PERSON. Like, who fucking cares about what happened online.


What the fuck is wrong with these guys? Or is it still me?






2 Responses to "This one wasn’t me… I don’t think"

Def not you! I think this guy has a narrow view of what dating should be like. He seems to be so invested in online dating that he can’t see how meeting people organically, and making the actual physical effort in REAL LIFE means 1000x more. He’s someone who definitely needs to sign off, and go out and talk to people and learn their stories, before judging them, and lumping all women into the “bitch” category. Maybe all these women are just being bitches to him in response to his behavior. Did he ever think about that?

I agree!!! And I almost said something about it but let it go because i really didn’t think he’d understand! Thanks 🙂

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