currylove

Arranging Marriages – Part 49 (aka, FOB love)

Posted on: November 19, 2016

A few months ago, my cousin introduced me to a new guy: me and this guy are the same age, we do extremely similar work, and we’re the same type of Indian. Basically on paper it looks like a match. I said I’d talk to him, even knowing he’s divorced (really, being divorced doesn’t bother me, but I do want to know why the marriage didn’t work.)

So we started chatting on the phone. The same inane conversations I always have with these guys: “So, how’s work? What’d you do for dinner? Do you like to cook? What kind of food do you like to make?”

The usual interview questions for the position of wife and CEO of the household.

But, he did seem genuinely nice and it’s not like I’m getting any younger, so I agreed to meet him. We hadn’t talked about ANYTHING important on the phone, but he offered to come down and visit me and we agreed on last weekend.

And, to his credit, before coming down, he even made dinner reservations on Saturday night at a super swanky place I’d been wanting to try. Initiative!

And, also to his credit, I took him to a work party after I picked up him from the airport (yup, our first time meeting in person and the first activity was with 20 coworkers) and he did great! He was nice and chatty. Friendly!

And, also also to his credit, he paid for everything all weekend. He even tried to buy me a piece of art I spotted in downtown though I wouldn’t let him. I offered to pay each time, since he flew down and had to get a hotel room too, but he wouldn’t let me. He even brought me earrings as a birthday gift. Generous!

So even with all these great things, he is FOB and with being a FOB comes the FOB love.

FOB love is what me and my friends call the overbearing, overwhelming, almost desperate behavior of Indian guys (from India) when it comes to women. There is no playing it cool or any games, which is great, but there is this never ending barrage of trying to help when no help is needed, or thinking that just buying things makes a relationship.

I sound like a bitch, which I am, but there’s no way to explain how irritating this is because it sounds great, right? Like who doesn’t want a guy that’s so concerned and helpful and generous? But it can be so smothering.

There were a lot of little things, but the best example is when I was dropping him off at the airport on Sunday. I was chatting about flying for Thanksgiving and how I thought ticket prices would be expensive and out of nowhere, he goes, “I have like 50,000 skymiles I’m not using. You can have them.”

My response: “Um… no. Look, we’re not dating. We’re not anything. We just met for the first time. I don’t want your skymiles, I have my own. I appreciate it, but no.”

I know that I sound ungrateful. But here’s the problem: I think he thinks buying me things (dinners, birthday gift, lunches, offering me skymiles) makes a relationship. It doesn’t.

We only talked ONCE about his divorce, and that’s because I brought it up. And of course, everything he said blamed her. Which, maybe it was mostly her fault, but as my mom says, “it takes two hands to clap.” I just never heard what the other hand did.

And we wouldn’t even have had that conversation if it was up to him. We didn’t talk about any other relationships (mine or his); we didn’t talk about sex; we didn’t talk about friends; we didn’t talk about family; we didn’t talk about anything of fucking substance. He has no idea about my past. And I don’t know about his. So I don’t want to be treated like a girlfriend when we’re not even really friends.

We chatted again today and it was the same stupid shit. “How was your day? What’s for dinner? Are you ready to travel?” It’s like the conversation never moves forward.

But that said, I did tell him that I thought we should meet again because I had more questions for him and he should have questions for me.

So we’re going to get together in a few weeks again.

Stay tuned….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to "Arranging Marriages – Part 49 (aka, FOB love)"

Just be aware, FOBs are all 📢 *ATTENTION* *ATTENTION* 📢 until they get the girl. Then they just sit back forever more. As long as he’s not likely to be one of those….. then I wish you masses of luck! (Not that there is much generalising of an entire group in my reply here 🙄)

Yes you’re totally right!!! I have concerns for sure…especially since he was “faultless” in his marriage ending 😉

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