currylove

What’s wrong with me? 

Posted on: March 14, 2017

So I haven’t heard from the 29 year old since Friday, the day after I spent the night. We texted a bit and that was that. I knew he’d gone out of town for the weekend so I texted Sunday to see how it went.  No response. He usually responds right away so I knew immediately this was different. 

I’ve learned enough to not believe what I’m told… So when he would talk about future trips for us or talked about how he only wanted to see me instead of other girls,  I rolled my eyes internally and smiled externally. I didn’t believe him. 

But there was enough action, I thought,  to back those things he said. And he seemed to be genuinely nice.  Like soooooo nice. How could he have hidden his inner asshole so well??? How did I not see through the things he said and did?  I slept with him because I never thought this would happen.

I had asked him why he wasn’t dating someone his own age and he said because they weren’t mature enough for him.  He said he liked how  smart I am and how I have my shit together.

That didn’t change because we slept together.  So what is it? What don’t I have? Why do I feel,  again, like I am not good enough? 

What makes me even sadder is that although I refused to admit it,  I liked hanging out with him.  He made me laugh and we had fun. And even more embarrassing,  I had just told some friends about him. I was excited to have met someone. 

Soooo …. what’s wrong with me? Why is he no longer interested?  I get on a basic level that he got what he wanted so he doesn’t have to put any more effort into it but this wasn’t like a week’s or month’s worth of effort. We’ve been chatting since December. We didn’t get to meet for the first time until February so we texted here and there, emailed when I was phoneless, conversed electronically in multiple ways. It was a lot of effort to keep in touch.

Soooo… all that effort was for one night? I can’t wrap my head around that. And maybe it’s as easy as that.  He got what he wanted. But he could’ve got that from anyone else, easier.

Soooo… because I can’t stop thinking about it & the effort & the things he did, not just said…. I dive into the “it’s me” portion of this post.

The problem is I don’t have answers. I can only think things like “I’m not pretty enough” or “I’m not good in bed” or “He didn’t like what he saw” or replay everything I did and try to figure out what I did wrong. There’s also just the basic “I must suck” thought.  But suck at what? Maybe just at life because it’s been 6 years since I started this blog and the same shit still happens.

I wish I could change whatever is wrong with me. I’m open to suggestions. 

And also I’m ashamed that I’m even writing  this,  especially  as the odds of hearing from him grow dimmer daily, but I still want to hear from him.  Maybe just because it’ll make me feel less like a loser. 

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8 Responses to "What’s wrong with me? "

Hell no, stop that thinking right now. There is nothing wrong with you. Never let a guy (or anyone for that matter) make you feel like you’re not enough. You are enough, girl! Now, I know this feeling all too well, and it’s easy to get caught up in others’ opinion of you, but the one that matters is what you think of you. It’ll take time, but you’ll soon realize that this guy’s actions aren’t a reflection on how you see yourself.

In my opinion, I think you should call him out. He owes you an explanation. After talking since December, he doesn’t just get to disappear into oblivion ESPECIALLY after you guys were intimate. If he is making you feel like then you deserve some closure.

-M

Awww, thanks! I agree with you and was wallowing in my crappy feelings.

I’ll never understand men. Doesn’t matter how old I am!!

And you’re totally allowed to wallow and feel crappy. Guys are idiots, and the one thing I’ve learned from my years of dating is that my happiness comes from me. You gotta put yourself first. He didn’t call back? oh well, his loss. fuck him, on to the next one.

You’re not the loser here. The Masked Arse Hole is. ShoesOverBooze is right – his loss completely.

We need little voodoo dolls at times like these 🙂

Hi!! How are you?

We all know he’s the fuck up… But it still leaves me feeling like crap. Especially because we could have just been on the same page! But now I’m left crying over something so dumb.

Voodoo dolls would be fabulous: )

Cry, wallow in it, then get up and back out there. You misjudged him, not because you missed anything but because he was a total wanker who was good at hiding his pathetic arsed self.

It’s the age old dilenma… trust and potentially be hurt/ used, or be closed off and jaded. But yeah… no more wallowing 🙂

Trust and potentially be hurt/used, because when it’s (finally!) a good guy, it is worth all the losers before. 🙃

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