currylove

 What’s wrong with me -part 2

Posted on: March 18, 2017

So I finally heard from him on Wednesday with a text saying he’d been busy studying for a test (he’s in a master’s program). I responded on Thursday, because this is how it is now. 

No response back from him yet, and I don’t expect there to be. He got what he wanted. 

This one sucks because as much as I didn’t want to admit It, I kinda liked him. I haven’t liked anyone in a long time and it was fun to meet someone who seemed nice and normal.

I didn’t ask him to say things like “I like spending whatever time I can with you” or joke (I think he was joking) about planning  a beach trip. I guess in some ways those should have been flags because it was so weirdly nice and future-based.  But it was never strange or out of the blue,  it fit into our conversations. 

I can usually spot douches quickly but I clearly missed him.  But I wasn’t enamored with his words. I know better than that.  I was impressed with his actions. When we had our first date,  I offered to contribute to the check. His exact words were “No way. I want to see you again.” He didn’t let me pay for anything and we didn’t go to cheap places.  If all he wanted was sex, he could’ve got that from anyone else for much cheaper. 

And the worst part is the irony of all of this.  I would tease him about being so nice and tell him it’s weird… turned out he was only nice trying to get laid. Having sex allowed his inner asshole to shine. AND if he’d just been up front that he just wanted to get laid,  I would’ve been on the same page. That would have been fine with me! 

I don’t know if I’ll ever figure this one out. I’m mad at myself for being so upset about it… But I feel used, stupid, fat, and ugly. And I don’t know how to make these feelings and thoughts go away.  

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