currylove

Posts Tagged ‘condescending assholes

Let’s just go ahead and answer that: Yes. Maybe. Depends on the definition of ‘bitch.’

To back up, I went to a “Stir” event tonight with a friend. We were having fun, chatting mostly with ourselves and the random guy here and there, but nothing exciting.

Then we met these two guys, “S” – he was the one who was actually on Match, and his friend, “T” – who S had dragged along. So S was chatting with us, and he was cute – seemed smart, had a job, is around our age, so we stayed chatting with him. About 2 minutes in, he asked my friend: “So, what do you do for fun? And don’t say travel, everyone says travel but nobody really does it.”

Little does he know who he’s chatting with – she travels extensively for her work, and so do I. Actually, I will pretty much bet that in that group of people at the event, I’ve traveled the furthest and the most exotic-est. Yet, I’m not bragging about it, so why does he think he needs to start with being hostile about it? And he didn’t say it in a cute-funny-flirty way. He said it in a completely dick-ish way, like nobody but him ever does anything with their lives. And pretty much insinuating that if we even dared to say we enjoy travel, we were lying. And then he went on to tell my friend that she reminded him of a girl from high school. That he didn’t like.

OK. Seriously, who does that? Why do that? Why be a dick to just be a dick? And I guess something to know about me – You can talk shit to my face, about me, all day long. I will not give a fuck. But if you ever say anything about my friends, I will make it known exactly how I feel about you – and not in a nice way. I am fiercely loyal and protective of friends and family. Always have been, always will be.

Anyway, he continued to be not so nice to us, so we departed from chatting with him. A little bit later, on the other side of the room, T came over to talk to us, and we enjoyed our conversation with just him – he was nice, friendly, and just fun to talk to.  We were about to leave the event and go to dinner, so we let T know that they were welcome to come if they’d like. They came. Big mistake.

We’re all chatting at dinner and in about 10 minutes, after he’d already been weirdly unsocial and rude, S made a “joke” about women being bad drivers who shouldn’t be on the roads (apparently we got teleported to 1922), talked about how women just like to shop and then called us ITP snobs. And then insulted my friend, again. I was definitely intoxicated when this happened, so I didn’t take too kindly to him being an asshole and this was the ensuing conversation:

Me: “So… do you get a lot of second dates off the girls you meet on Match? Because you’re kind of a dick. I assume they’ll stop at one.”

Him (after being a little speechless for a bit): “Yeah. I do fine. Actually, I get a lot of second dates.”

Me: “Oh, that’s good. And surprising. Cause really, you’re an asshole. I’m not sure how that happens.”

Him: “Well, I guess I’m just an ass when I know it’s not ever going anywhere and I feel like I should be honest, because I have nothing to lose.”

Me: …. just laughter. Really, I couldn’t do anything but laugh at the inanity of that comment. So it’s ok to be rude, mean, and downright vicious because you don’t think you’ll get something out of the person you’re talking to? That’s an awesomely shitty philosphy to live life.

And honestly, I don’t even think that’s true. I think he’s just a little boy, who could dish it out, but when encountered by women who don’t rely on men for every little thing, and were able to talk back and retaliate to the stupid comments, HE couldn’t take it.

And yes, I know I should’ve dropped it. But he was such a fucking prick all night, I couldn’t help but call it as I see it. What woman would want to date him after he’s insulting, rude and condescending? He was all of those things, in an event where you would expect people’s best behavior. So this was his best showing? What’s left to enjoy in the future? Barbs about how women should be barefoot and pregnant? Discussions about how rape wouldn’t happen if women didn’t wear such revealing clothes?

I had invited T (his friend) to a party we’re having, and I’d told S he could come as well. After that last conversation, S said, “OH, by the way, I think I’ll be busy on that night, so I can’t come.”

Me: “Oh. Such a shame. Our loss.”

Seriously, asshole. Don’t fuck with me. And definitely don’t fuck with my friends. I have no patience for it. What makes me so annoyed (with myself) was I thought he the cute one! My friend picked up on the douche-ness before I did, which of course now has me questioning my abilities to choose good ones. Poor T was caught in the middle, and he was definitely feeling awkward.

The boys left before we did, and when the waitress came over, she said: “Oh, they left?” We replied that they had to get home, and she goes, “The one [T] was nice, but the other one was really odd. He was just weird. There’s something wrong with him.”

VALIDATION.

So… Sure. I may be a bitch, but only when it’s really deserved (in my opinion). The ironic part of the whole night was that my girlfriend said that I was nicer than anyone she’d ever met – I would talk to anyone who approached us, whether I was interested or not. Whether I found them cute or not. Whether I would date them or not. I just think that’s the nice appropriate thing to do. People go to events like this (or even just to the bar, or out in general) to meet others, and I’m not going to ever be rude for no reason. I will talk to anyone who talks to me, and I’ll treat them with respect and kindness and sincerity. Apparently, not everyone thinks like that.

AND… T clearly liked me, because he texted and said it was a pleasure to meet me, and he hopes we meet up soon. I guess I’ll have to forgive his bad taste in friends.

So there… Bitch? Yes. Deservedly bitchy? More than yes.

 

 

 

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Sometimes, white people super annoy me. That’s an over-reaching, over-arching statement and I don’t *really* mean it, but holy fuck, what is their problem? (I sound racist, which is completely what this post is ranting about, but whatever. I don’t care. That’s why this is anonymous.)

I work in international public health, and I do love it. But the condescending, holier-than-thou attitude that comes along with it from certain people is more than I can take. It’s the idea that because THEY work in Africa, it means THEY care so much and THEY should be listened to because THEY are coming from a country that is smarter/better/richer which automatically means that THEY are smarter/better/richer. I am not even sure if they know how they come across… I don’t ask because I don’t think it’ll be a welcome question: “So, do you know you’re an asshole?”  Yeah. That’ll get me fired pretty quickly I think.

On this past trip to Africa, there was a presentation on how the study was ending and what the next steps are. Key words: STUDY ENDING.  In the middle of the presentation, we got a question from one of the whiteys in the audience who was SO smug and condescending: “Um… I’m concerned about the ethical considerations of the study, did anyone bring those up??”  No, bitch. It’s been 5 years and we all just did exactly what the hell we wanted… What’s an IRB? You mean we had to have this protocol reviewed? Multiple times? By the countries participating in the project? Who knew. (Sarcasm -in case it’s not clear. Everything had been vetted by many agencies prior to the study starting.)

ARGH. It’s that arrogant attitude that is annoying and ridiculous – that no one else, in the course of 5 years, stopped to think about ethics. Thank you, white lady, for being the first to mention it. And that was exactly how she presented it – as if she was such a genius and she, and only she, had considered any ethical ramifications of the study, and the rest of us didn’t care about the poor black people in Africa, not even the Africans in the room that had been involved from the start…

I’ve seen this attitude more often than not, and it’s racist and annoying and if I’m bothered by it, I can’t imagine what our in-country team-mates think.  In this situation, one of our colleagues mentioned she was so embarrassed for this person she wanted to crawl under the table. HA!

It’s the same with the missionaries I meet on the planes… which, there was a surplus of them on our last flight back. Ugh. Thank you, oh random white people (they are always white. ALWAYS.), for going to Africa to teach everyone that abstinence is the ONLY way, regardless of what realities they’re facing and pat yourself on the back on the way home for imparting your knowledge on the heathens in the 2 weeks you were there, because that’s all it takes to make a difference.

If I sound unbearably racist, I’m not. This post doesn’t help support that, but it’s true. What I can’t stand is condescending smugness wrapped in a public-health ethos of helping the world when it’s just plain old colonialism in a different format.


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