currylove

Posts Tagged ‘dad cracks me up

So, I mistakenly told my parents about this Indian guy, a friend of the family, who’s dating an Australian girl.

Fast forward to breakfast at my aunt’s house, where for some reason, I go to have my tea and they’re discussing this guy. I sit down to eat toast, drink tea, read the paper, and get bombarded with this from Dad:

“See, he’s dating an Australian girl because you didn’t try hard enough. You didn’t take the chance.”

Me:

“What? I seriously just woke up.”

Him – just being repetitive:

“You could’ve dated him, but instead now he’s got to date an Australian.”

 

Ok, first of all, Dad says all this like it’s a downgrade – like this guy just cried himself to sleep one night because I turned him down and then threw himself at the first white girl he saw, who just happened to have an awesome accent to boot.

Secondly, NONE OF THAT IS TRUE! I WANTED TO DATE HIM! I WANTED HIM TO BE THE FRUIT OF MY LOOMS!

HE! THIS GUY! HE was the one who said no to me (not directly to me, but to all our friends who tried to set us up.) What was I supposed to do? Force him to date me? Stalk him?

So I tell/yell at Dad:

“DAD! I tried to date him! HE DIDN’T WANT TO. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYWAY?!   It takes two people! And he didn’t want to date me.”

I mean, it’s irritating enough that I wasn’t what he wanted, but fine, I get it…. but then I have to hear from my parents that it could’ve been me? NO, IT COULD NOT HAVE.  (Although, I love their faith that I hold all this control which I really don’t have).

 

On a separate but related note, I found out that these two are getting married. I’m not surprised, but I have to say I was upset. I’m not exactly sure why? It’s not like I wanted him, but I guess it’s more that he didn’t want me. Although, it’s also no surprise that he put more effort into and was not going to let go of a doctor…. But I still don’t understand how she got over all those issues that I couldn’t? The lack of focus, the lack of a real job, the lack of a life plan? Maybe it’s easier because she’ll financially be able to cover them if she needs to? Or maybe I couldn’t get past all that and see everything else he could offer, which was probably more than he couldn’t.

Sigh.

Nothing seems to be enough anymore.

 

So my dad is still in love with this random guy, because Dad talked to the guy and the guy was nice on the phone and apparently my Dad’s a slut, because a few kind words are all it takes to get Dad all lovey-dovey.

Apple doesn’t fall far….

ANYWAY, I had emailed him, per Dad’s behest, the guy emailed me back pretty quickly and then it took a few days for me to write him back. I’m sure he’s nice, but he’s FOB and 40-something and in school for his Bachelors and he’s not at the top of my priority list right now.

So his next email to me, after a few niceties, says this:

I was wondering if i had sent my reply to a wrong email or what?! I suppose you were busy and thats the reason for the 3-4 days for u to reply.

Um…FUCK.YOU.  WHO SAYS THAT? I mean, it hadn’t been like 5 weeks. It was 4 business days! I wrote him first thing on Saturday when I got the chance! Not that I should already have to defend myself – and yes, if I was slightly more interested, I probably would’ve been faster about it, so maybe I deserved that comment.
Then he writes:

Ok then, i will major in Psych & My college time depends on how soon my credits are completed — at least till 2015 i suppose

 

As my friend, T, pointed out – He’s got this sense of urgency about me emailing him back, yet doesn’t seem to see a need to finish college or get more than a full time job. (I think he’s part time financial planner or something.)

And 2015?!?!?!?! WHAT. THE. FUCK.  He’s not even fast-tracking this shit! Like, maybe, he’ll graduate in 2015, if he decides that’s what he want?

IS HE GOING TO TAKE OUR BABIES TO CLASS WITH HIM? Cause I’m clearly going to have to be the one working and earning money while he’s “finding himself.”

So then, on Saturday, as the whole family is group-skyping, Dad brings up if I’d heard from him – and then he starts giggling and says,

“Do you want to meet him when you come home?”

A little explanation here – in very conservative households, typically the first meeting between a boy and girl is held between the two families, and if things go well between the parents, the children are allowed to go off and “meet” alone – which is really just in a separate room, with a chaperone near by.

I, clearly, have never done this and Dad knows that I won’t – and I think it cracks him up to continually push this FOB on me.

Again, as T said, “He knows his educated well employed daughter is NOT going to marry a loafer!”

I mean, I hope Dad knows this! Partly I think he just gets a kick out of seeing me get SO ANNOYED when he asks about, and partly I think he’s hoping I give up/in and say, “Fine, I’ll meet him.”

AND! ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT!!! What are we gonna do??? Go on a group date? Dad’s retired on social security and FOB is in college. I’LL HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!

AND! ON TOP OF, ON TOP OF ALL THAT!!! FOB doesn’t drink.

This is doomed.

 

 

 

 

So, Dad has been busy finding every possible matrimonial ad he can and then responding to them. This is fine until it gets to me having to do something.

His latest “find” is a a guy that’s 4 years older than me, never married, in college for “film classes” and working part time. His email to my Dad was pretty nice, though, as far as that goes.

Today, Dad says to me:

“Ok, you need to write him back tonight – I told him you would. Tell him how you were in an accident, and that you’re traveling for work, and all that stuff.”

Me:

“WHY would I tell him about my accident? Or anything else?”

Dad:

“You need to sell yourself!!!!! That’s the problem. That’s why no one’s interested. Because you don’t sell yourself.”

 

OH. SO THAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM.

 

 

 

50 years ago yesterday, my parents met for the first time.

My mom’s college class (all-girls) was at the beach for Chandani Padvo. My dad and his friend happened to be at the same beach for the same celebration.

Dad and his friend, as boys will be boys, flirted with all the girls. As my dad said,

I wasn’t even trying to talk to your mom. I was trying to talk to her friend, but her friend was so shy, she wouldn’t even look at me! And then your mom came and butt in.

So, getting nowhere with her friend, my dad started talking to my mom.

He told her his plans of how he wanted to leave India, and go to England (at that time, America wasn’t even a thought – being a former colony, all anyone knew about the West was going to Britain for a new life), and how he had no money.

My mom, who had just met him, said:

I’ll lend you the money.

I asked her once if she meant it, and she said, yes, she would’ve given him however much he needed.

Now, leaving the beach, my dad and his friend didn’t have a ride back – so they hopped on to the all-girls college bus. The attendant told them to get off, but my mom and her friends vouched for them, and took them back into the city.

In the midst of all this, my dad had bought fabric to have a shirt made – and he left that fabric on the bus by accident when they got dropped off. My mom and her friends took the fabric up to their room, and my dad, for the next two weeks would call from the one phone at his dorm to the one phone at mom’s dorm to try and arrange to pick up the fabric.

Mom’s dorm RA got so sick of dad calling (there was only one phone and he was constantly tying it up), he told my mom to just go meet him.

And that started them ‘dating’ and a few months later, they were married.

A few years after that, they left for England and lived in a one-room apartment, with a shared kitchen (you had to actually put money in the stove to make it work), and both worked factory jobs, even though they both had college degrees.

They worked opposite shifts and rarely saw each other, rationed food at the end of the month when money was running low, made-do with what they had, and worked hard at jobs that paid so little.

A few years after that, they came to the States. Dad got a proper job as a chemist, Mom worked in a nursery school. My sister was born, then 6 years later, I came, and then 2 years after that, my brother finally showed up.

In ’83, my parents moved us to Florida, where they owned a motel until just recently.  They’re retired now, and to me, they are the living version of the American Dream.

Their decisions, starting on that beach to even today, have led our family to somewhere they couldn’t have dreamed of when they were rationing food and worrying about pay checks.

Today we group-skyped for Mom’s birthday, and she said they went out last night and she was so happy that dad put on a plaid shirt, because the first time she met him, he was wearing a plaid shirt.

We teased Dad about doing it on purpose, but of course he said it was just a coincidence.

And then Dad says,

Yeah, one bus ride and I’ve been stuck for 50 years.   😉

Good thing my dad forgot his fabric that day 🙂

So I’ve been pretty quiet lately. Not because anything great was happening, but because I was traveling for work to places with fuck-all wifi connections. But, I’m back and jet lagged and ready to write about my non existent love life.

Checking email at 4am this morning, I saw that some guy emailed me and started with an apology, “Hey CurryLove, Sorry, Thought I’d responded to your email before….”

Apparently, I’d emailed this guy (at the behest of my parents, of course) before my work trips had started and never heard from him. I’d truly forgotten about him completely.  I was impressed that he’d gone through emails and realized he hadn’t responded, but I was suspicious about how/why that happened.

I just called home and Dad says, “Did you see that email from that guy?”  (Since I started CC’ing my dad on my initial intro emails to prove that I’m truly trying, I guess he copied both of us back.)

Then Dad goes on to tell me that apparently his matrimonial ad was in the paper, my aunt saw it and called the corresponding number. She talked to his mom, AND THAT IS WHAT PROMPTED HIM TO WRITE ME.

It wasn’t that he forgot or thought he’d emailed before – it was completely because his mom called him on his shit.

SO THEN. Because these stories are always like this, Dad goes on to tell me that his mom told my aunt that he (the boy) was married for just two weeks, and that he’d gone to India to get married. EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN’T WANT TO! He thought it was a bad idea, his mom thought it was a bad idea, BUT HIS DAD WANTED HIM TO DO IT. SO HE DID.

Mother. Fucking. Hell.

Please tell me WHY I would want to marry (or date) this guy who had such non-descended balls that he let his dad push him into a marriage he didn’t want? WHY WHY WHY would I want that in my life?

But, my Dad, being cute as usual, told my aunt to tell his mom that this was going to be my and his decision, after we talked.

In this case, I’m actually really grateful for that stupidly obvious disclaimer because his parents are probably waiting to push him into his second marriage.

The synchronized emailing never happened.  He emailed me first, actually.

I, having done this a thousand times, could tell from his email he was only doing this to please his mom. And I was already annoyed. It was a quick intro, just a few sentences, with some pics. So I sent the same type of email back to him.

He didn’t write back until a few days later, at 730am, from his iphone. It was clearly one of those “Get this done” type of emails. The kind you write at work to just check it off your to-do list so you can move on with the rest of your day.

I decided that I just wanted to know, up front, if this was going to go anywhere, so this is what I emailed him:

So, I hope you don’t think this is rude, but I just want to make sure you’re really interested in talking and getting to know each other.

I’ve been set up with too many guys who are only open to introductions because they want to get their parents off their back and be able to tell their mom that they’re talking to someone. So if you’re dating someone, or are focused on work, or just got out of a relationship or don’t want to meet someone through your mom or are just not interested for whatever reason, that’s totally cool – please just let me know,  I’d rather not waste both of our time.

And if you do want to chat, that’d be great.

I hope you understand where I’m coming from – I don’t know how often your parents try to set you up, but mine try all the time, so I’ve encountered all of the above.  😉

He took a few days, but responded:

Ok so I’ll cut to the chase and I’m glad you’re being honest because I’ll be honest with you I’ve done the long distance thing and I really don’t want to do it again it was just too much for me to handle. You’re right I was trying to get them off my back.  I apologize but I’m just being honest too.  Like you said we shouldn’t waste each others time cause trust me I know exactly where you’re coming from this isn’t the first time they’ve tried either and probably won’t be the last. Well I guess that’s all I got so good luck in your search and good luck in your future endeavors!

 

Points to him for being honest, and MAJOR points to me for cutting through the crap in just a few days.

 

But then… I had to tell my parents. It was just me and mom in the kitchen when I mentioned it, and she was actually super cool about it – her response was basically the same as mine: at least we know without wasting so much time.

 

But my dad… we’re sitting at the table having our morning chai, and mom says, “Oh, CurryLove got a response from that boy” which was my prompt to then tell dad what the guy said.

 

Dad was silent for a few seconds, and then goes: “…. Stupid.”

 

I fell out laughing. Mom and I both pointed out that it’s better this way, and Dad says, “Well, why couldn’t he just tell his mom he didn’t want to talk to you?”

 

And I rolled my eyes. Because this is like the 30th boy who’s done this shit, how hasn’t he figured it out yet that this is how they are? A bunch of pussy assholes who can’t speak up for themselves and instead of holding their own ground and putting forth their ideas and opinions, they go along with whatever their parents want because it’s easier for them that way.

 

At least I’ve earned a short reprieve. I’m sure as soon as they get home they’ll be canvassing the world for eligible boys. Till then though… Bliss. 🙂

 

This is, word for word, no changes from me except to redact the guy’s email address and personal info, an email from my dad to me:

that ad. from 37/5-6 doctor from {some city} says “seeking alliance from well educated indian girl.pl. send e-mail at

      xxxxx@somewhere.com
       that is why he did not reply to my e-mail.
        so you can write him a short bio and see if he is going to reply.
        he even does want want picture right now.so just write him your short bio
        bye
        ps. do not say anything about my e-mail.

Oh.My.God. I cannot even begin to explain the giggles I had when I first read this. And so many questions!
  • WHY didn’t the guy respond to my dad? Because he’s not a well educated Indian girl???
  • Does he, or does he not, want a picture now?
  • WHY can’t I mention my dad’s email to him? Is it going to look bad???
  • Why are there random periods all over the place?
Dude. Dad is hilarious and I love it.  I hope he never changes.
And no, I have not written this guy. If he can’t bother to write my dad back, he’s definitely a loser.

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