Posts Tagged ‘free shit is awesome

I went out with my gaybor (gay neighbor) last night – dinner and then the gay bar.  He’s having some relationship problems and my issues are pretty well documented, so I won’t recap my whining here. In any case, he said we should go somewhere where I can get hit on too, but surprisingly, I hold my own around the gays, especially the ones who appreciate boobs. We were there one night and I was keeping an eye on him, making sure he was ok and the rest of everything happened so fast I barely knew what was going on — but out of nowhere, some random gay dude came up to me, stuck his face in my tits (my tank had shifted a little low) and MOTORBOATED ME AT THE BAR.

I gasped, pulled back and laughed, because come on — that shit’s funny. I asked him what he was doing and he goes, “They’re so great! I just had to!!” and walked away, with this ridiculous smile on his face. So, now, every time I’m at this bar, I keep one eye out for any incoming faces.

Another night, this very very drunk but very nice lesbian kept buying us drinks in the hopes of getting into my pants. She bought us multiple ‘mind eraser’ shots, half of which I didn’t finish. She asked if I’d ever been with a girl, which I honestly answered I haven’t, and she asked if I wanted to try with her… I told her I was too old to experiment, but she was insistent. Finally, when she was leaving, she asked for my number again so I gave it to her. Basically, I couldn’t find a graceful way out of it and didn’t want to hurt her feelings… She never called, which kind of hurt *my* feelings, actually.

Last night, we ended up taking some new friends back to their place and hanging out for a bit. It was fun  – I couldn’t drink anymore so I switched to water while they continued with one more drink. One of the guys is a rep for a skin-care line, so before we left, he went back to his room and got me very prettily wrapped samples of expensive exfoliators and creams. I got parting-gifts!! Just for being the only girl!! I was so excited!!!

The gays are awesome.



I went out tonight with my neighbor… I was in the mood for drinks and we hadn’t hung out in awhile, so I’d emailed him to see if he’d be interested in doing something. Luckily, he was on the list for a bar’s anniversary party – free drinks and free food. Awesome.

Three drinks in, I was pretty tipsy and he couldn’t stop telling me how cute my nails are. The same hooker nails from the other blog post. I love my neighbor in terms of he’s awesome and watches over me, but not so much in terms of I plan to sleep with him. In fact, we are no where near on the same page with that.

We’re at the bar, talking to this random guy we met, and my neighbor pointed out how small and pretty my nails are…. which, ok, whatever. And then, they had a conversation about toes. Here’s the thing… I hate feet. They totally gross me out. I actually feel bad during pedis because of the poor girls who have to deal with my feet. And they had a conversation about how they’d like to wrap my feet in bacon and dip them in strawberry sauce. I almost puked. Seriously. So close to vomiting. And then… he sucked my thumb. I don’t really understand how my hand got in his mouth, but my reaction was: “EWWWWWWWWWW! Stop it!” and pulling my hand away. Not so classy but really, who does that?

My neighbor would fuck me in a heartbeat. I know this and make sure I don’t do anything to lead him on. In fact, quite the opposite, I’m very vehement in our never getting together. Even when he asked for a kiss, I only gave him my cheek… nothing more. He knows I won’t, but still tries. I did tell him about British and he laughed at me, which ok, I totally deserved. He just texted and said he’d use a british accent if that’s what it takes to get me in bed…. made me giggle and I didn’t text back.

It was a fun night, even if I did have to make sure Mr. Gropey didn’t grab too much. Not just because it’s inappropriate but because I haven’t worked out in months. Anything he would grab would be so soft. Gross. But it was fun and I felt pretty and someone wants me and I didn’t cry. Small victories count for so much.



Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 280 other followers


%d bloggers like this: