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Posts Tagged ‘indian

I’d talked to this guy I met on an Indian dating site and after our first awkward discussion, 2 minutes into the 2nd conversation, he asked if he should come visit.

Sure. Why not. I’m not doing anything else anyway so he dutifully purchased his ticket and we had a day-long date this past weekend.

I appreciate that he was willing to fly in and out in one day, instead of staying over – knowing the date was going to end at a set point made it easier.

Not that he was horrible, he wasn’t. He’s fine. He’s also mumbly and sometimes I really could not hear what he was saying because he would mumble and then get softer and softer and softer until I literally had to ask “I’m sorry, what?”

For whatever reason, he really wanted to go go-karting. I offered a couple of other options, but he was stuck on go-karts. Ok, whatever. Let’s fucking pay money to drive in laps when I can just fill my own car up with gas and do the same damn thing.

So go-karting we went. I hated it. It’s not fun, I don’t like being that low to the ground and got lapped multiple times by teenage boys. ARGH.

We played some other arcade games and didn’t drink. DID NOT DRINK.  I was driving us all over the damn city so I didn’t feel like I should partake, but he didn’t drink either… I think he does? I didn’t ask, but maybe he was just being nice.

The thing is, the day was fine. He was fine. But do I want to have babies with him? No. If we were just going to be room-mates, sure, it’d be no problem. But he’s so quiet and he literally said about himself that he’s a “loner” (his words). I’m not.

I think my parents have been right all along…all the good ones are taken.

chocolates

So, I was going to delete my Indian dating profile because it’s fucking useless and then this guy who reached out to me caught my eye.

Attractive, physician, a couple of years older than me… only issue was he lives in California.  But, I emailed him back because you never know, and he sent an email response almost immediately.

He wanted to skip the emailing and go straight to the phone, which was fine. We played phone tag for a little bit, but finally chatted tonight.

FOR 7 MINUTES.

MOST OF WHICH WAS SPENT TALKING ABOUT HOW LONG DISTANCE NEVER WORKS.

Ummmm….. YOU contacted ME, asswipe. YOU knew I don’t live anywhere near California, but still reached out. YOU should’ve known that you didn’t want to deal with long distance BEFORE emailing someone on the other side of the country.

As we chatted and it’s becoming clear he thinks the distance is too big, he goes on to say, in a voice that’s trailing off:

Well, we can still talk, you know, feel free to reach out and call me and I’ll do the same and maybe we can meet up.

Feel free to fuck yourself.

That’s harsh, but really, I’m not calling…. I would’ve made effort if he wasn’t already so defeatist.

Who knows, maybe he’ll have some shit dates and reach out like all the other assholes, but I’m not putting effort into something that the other person thinks is doomed from the start. What’s the point of wasting my time?

 

someecards

 

 

 

…And I have zero desire to be with him, but haven’t had the balls to tell him yet.

I should want him. I should want to be with him. He’s nice, he’s generous (paid for all our meals, even though he had to buy a ticket to fly down here), he’s complimentary (he always told me how nice I looked) – he’s perfect on paper. But we’re not living our lives on paper, so it makes this all the more difficult.

He got in Friday and we went to dinner, where I got my first clue that I didn’t think I could be with him.

Him:

So I’m thinking of investing in this business with my friend, he asked me to go in with him.

Me:

Oh cool! So what is it? What kind of business? What kind of return on your money?

Him:

I don’t know. I haven’t done any research.

Me:

That’s weird. Don’t you want to know where your money is going?

Him:

Well, I’m just a silent partner.

Me (very confused):

Riiiiiiight…… but don’t you want to know what your investment will be used for? How long it’ll take to earn it back? What the process is?

Him:

They’ve made us a shit offer, so there’s no point in researching until we get a better offer.

Me:

WHAT? You’re going to wait until you get a ‘decent’ offer to do any research on whether this is actually something you should put your money towards? WHY? Why would you not want to know up front if this is even worth investing anything in?

We went back and forth on this for a while. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t bother to even find out if this business was something that would be worthy of an investment to start, and he seemed to think it was no big deal.

Finally, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and just blurted out:

This is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. How do you NOT want to know where your money is going? Why are you willing to just possibly throw it away?

And I think I shocked him, because he then says:

I mean, of course I’m going to research. It’s been a busy week and this offer came in last Friday – so I just haven’t had a chance.

Me:

That’s not what you said. You said, for the last 20 minutes, you weren’t going to bother until you got a better offer.

Him:

Oh well, that’s just miscommunication. That’s not what I meant.

I dropped it but IT WAS NOT fucking miscommunication – I think he finally just realized how stupid he sounded.

On Saturday we did a pub crawl and met some of my friends out that night. I don’t know where he was, but it was later in the night, I was outside with my friends … and I started to cry.

I STARTED TO CRY. I CRIED AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I mean…. that’s a really bad sign.

But there I was … tipsy and crying and all I could say was:

What if this is it? What if this is the rest of my life? I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to.

And to my friend and her fiance’s credit, they both were just very calming and said exactly what I needed to hear:

This isn’t it. He’s not the one. He’s not right for you.

And I felt/feel guilty but he’s not. I shouldn’t CRY at the thought of being with someone.

I had one more day left with him.

So Sunday, we walked to lunch and on the way out, I had my hands in my pockets (which I guess he didn’t notice) and he apparently tried to HOLD my hand… except my hand was nowhere near available so instead he grabbed my wrist, which I wasn’t expecting BUT I STILL DIDN’T TAKE MY HAND OUT OF MY POCKET!

And instead, I blurted out:

Oh! My hands are so cold! Aren’t yours? Sorry. I need to keep them in my pockets.

HOLY FUCK! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? But again… clearly he’s not for me. We didn’t kiss at all over the weekend, and I didn’t want to either. We came home drunk-ish on Saturday night, and I left him in the guest room alone so I could go to sleep. I have no desire to do anything with him. And I feel guilty about that too.

To cap off what was a basically uneventful un-offensive and unfulfilling weekend, we went for a stroll in the park. As we’re walking, he says:

Oh, there’s a water fountain.

I assumed he was thirsty but didn’t see what he was talking about, so I said:

I don’t see it, but do you want to get a bottle of water or something?

Him:

No, it’s fine. Just a water fountain.

Me:

…. I still don’t see it….

Him:

No big deal. Just a water fountain at the apartment complex. Out in front – just looked nice.

HOLY FUCKING HELL HE IS A SQUIRREL.

WHO POINTS OUT A WATER FEATURE?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Sigh. I feel bad even just typing this all out. He’s not a bad person. But he’s not MY person. There’s no passion or desire for anything. There’s nothing in common for us except we’re both Indian.

And knowing all this, I still do wonder if I should give it another chance? See him again? I don’t think the outcome will be any different and I don’t want to waste his time, but there are no other options  — so do I cut him loose knowing there’s no safety net? I think I have to… I mean, I cried at the thought of being with him. And I don’t want to have sex with him. But am I just dooming myself to being single?

I know what my answer is, but instead of cutting it off like I should, I keep responding to his “Hey how was your day” texts and basically continue to lead him on.  😦

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’ve been ‘chatting’ with the guy from Philly since we met back in October.

But it’s not really chatting. We talk on the phone, but it lasts for about 5 minutes. We text, but it’s not anything more than ‘Hey, what are you up to’  ‘Nothing, you?’ ‘Not much.’

Fucking riveting conversation.

But, in our last 5 minute phone call, right before we got off the phone, he did say:

Would you like to meet again? I mean, otherwise, we’re just pen pals.

No, actually to be pen pals, we’d need to have more interaction.

But in any case, I said yes, I thought it’d be good and so he’s on his way down in a couple of weeks. To his credit, he booked his tickets within a day of us deciding that we should meet again, which is awesome.

Unfortunately, I’m not excited AT ALL. In one way, at least that takes the pressure off (for me) – it’s just like a friend coming to hang out for the weekend. But, that’s not what it should be. I wish I was excited. I wish I couldn’t wait to see him again. I wish I wanted to fuck him.

I keep hoping that something will spark over the weekend he’s here, but at the same time, I’m trying to not expect that. Because whether it does or doesn’t, this may be it… he may be my last shot at actually being with someone.

 

 

A while back, my dad had said he didn’t want to go to India till I was married, because that was the only topic of conversation everyone wanted to discuss.

On our recent vacation together, he and mom mentioned they are thinking of going in January.

That was the first sign that they’re moving beyond hope.

In any case, I told them I wanted to go to… it’s been so long for me and it’s time to make a trip.

Then, as my mom and I were walking together, she busts out with this:

“You know, your aunt was telling me about someone they know who’s your age. Her younger sister got married and she hasn’t met anyone and is tired of waiting, so she adopted a girl from India.”

Me:

“ummmmmmmm……………. ok…………………..”

Mom:

“Since we’re going in January, you should think about it. We can look around while we’re there.”

Me:

“ummmmmmmm……………. ok…………………..”

 

Mom:

“If you adopted a small baby, I’d come live with you and help you.”

 

Me:

“ummmmmmmm……………. ok…………………..”

 

Mom:

“At least that way, you’d have someone and you’d also be helping make someone else’s life better. It’s a good thing to do.”

 

Ok, so the thing is, I’ve considered this, but I never thought they would be on board. I always figured they’d think it’d ruin my chances of meeting someone. Dad may still feel that way, but Mom is definitely looking beyond just marriage now.

In any case, clearly, this is the biggest sign that they’ve given up hope.

I thought I’d be sad when this day finally came, but I’m glad they’re facing reality now. I do want kids, and although I didn’t think I’d ever be a single mother, maybe this is my path.

Just call me Angelina 😉

 

 

 

 

I had two lunch dates this past week, both Indian guys, met through different avenues. Lunch date #1 was through my parents (god knows how they found him, I don’t ask anymore) and Lunch date #2 was through Shaadi – the Indian dating website.

So let’s start at the beginning:

 

Lunch Date #1:  He’s a divorced FOB, been here in the States for 8 years. He’s a doctor from India, but now working on his MBA, of course. That was pretty much all I knew. We had gone back and forth on text a bit, and we settled on an Indian place for Saturday lunch.

He walked up (I got there first) and I was pleasantly surprised.

Not bad looking, nicely dressed and nice shoes. He sits and we start chatting – there were some definite “Huh?” moments as I speak pretty fast, and English is his second language, but for the most part it wasn’t that awkward.

In fact, there are things about him that I really like – he’s adventurous, he’s a meat eater (yes, I know. I’m the world’s biggest hypocrite since I’m vegetarian, but I prefer that my manly men eat meat. I can’t help it.), he’s clearly smart, he’s outgoing, he drinks, he’s not too religious, he understands the need for chemistry in a relationship and he seems NORMAL.

He’s still a bit of a partier, which I get –  he’s  a few years older than me, he’s been married/divorced (turned out she was bi-polar and wouldn’t take her meds – oops!), and I think he’s still just ready to go out and have a good time, which I can appreciate.

He actually called today to see if I wanted to go to Panama City with him for a Spring Break weekend. I said no – I mean, we’ve only had lunch together once. I’m not traveling with him.

And also, Panama City at Spring Break??? EWWWWW.   Ten years ago, I may have considered it… but now? No way.  So I told him to have fun, but that I couldn’t make it and he understood.  We’re supposed to meet up for dinner on Sunday instead of going on a cross-state trip.

So I don’t know. I didn’t hate him, wasn’t grossed out by him… but do I want to sleep with him? I’m not sure yet. Partly, I wonder if I should even care about that anymore (yes, I know in a perfect world I should, but realistically, does it matter??) – maybe he would be a good life partner in all the other ways.

There’s always a catch though – he’s interviewing for jobs and may be leaving the area**. SO…. I guess we’ll see what happens. I want to get to know him better, which is at least a good start for me.

 

Lunch Date #2: This guy was born in the US, has a graduate degree in engineering… and possibly doesn’t know he’s gay.

Sigh.

I walked up to our destination, and I swear, I’m bigger than him. He’s … slight. Not like he’s tiny, but definitely on the small side for a guy. And he makes jewelry. And he’s got a softer voice than I do (though, I have a loud mouth – that’s not really saying much).

Ok, I know all of those things don’t add up to gay, but it was just strange. I can’t explain it any better than that.  It wasn’t a bad lunch, at all. But it wasn’t a good one either – no witty banter, no teasing, nothing that would’ve made it seem like we were on a date as opposed to related.  He is, of course, unfailingly polite and sweet and we’ll never be anything more than friends, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that so I’m pretty sure I’m going to be stuck seeing him again.

 

**I had only told my parents about Lunch Date #1, because they were the ones who’d set up the introductions. After lunch, I called home, and Dad answered and said they were in the middle of some religious thing, so they’d call me back – I said that’s fine, I need to get gas so I’ll still be driving.

He calls back in about 15 minutes and asks,

“So, did you drop him off?”

Me:

“What? I just said I was getting gas!”

Dad:

“No, you said you were taking him somewhere.”

OMG. They are literally just making shit up now.

Anyway, Mom pipes up:

“I thought maybe you had some good news for us!”

WHAT GOOD NEWS?!?!? What in god’s name could’ve happened over a one hour lunch?!?! WHAT? I actually asked her what she expected after a lunch, and she sort of just trailed off.

Seriously, I don’t think they even hear themselves anymore. They’re on such fucking autopilot with the stupid marriage stuff, they just say shit without thinking.

SO THEN, I tell them lunch was fine (he paid, which I will admit, surprised me) – and I mention that he might be moving.

Dad:

“Why don’t you tell him that if he stays in Atlanta, you’ll marry him”

BECAUSE I AM NOT INSANE.

Ok, in Dad’s defense, he was totally laughing when he said that, but there’s truth in every joke. And Dad did say that they know it won’t be a quick courtship, especially after he’s already been divorced once.

And then Mom spoke up and tries to be helpful but really just stabs my heart with:

“You know, it’s just going to get harder for you.”

Yes. I know. I’ve always known. I KNOW.

I sometimes wonder if there wasn’t this ridiculous pressure, could I have been happy with someone before now? If I hadn’t always worried about is he perfect – for me, for the family, for everything – could I have been more willing to compromise on things previously? I guess we’ll never know, but I really do wonder if things had been more easy going, less pressure, less “the whole family is worried about you” – would I have found what I needed?

But, that’s not how things are, so I deal with it the best I can – which is often to get surly and quiet and  avoid calling them because I don’t want to talk about this every fucking conversation we have. I’m not going to tell them he asked me to travel with him, but I may tell them about dinner on Sunday.

Although to them, two dates is probably engagement time. Sigh.

 

 

 

So a few days ago, I got this “interest” from an Indian guy on the Indian dating website, to which I responded with a quick few sentences to say hello and gave him my real email address.

I received an 8 page email. No lie. It just went on and on and on in a Faulkner “stream of consciousness” way. I couldn’t even get through it the first time. I opened it, scrolled down… and kept scrolling, and closed it right back up.

There was an attachment with it, though, that was a dog with what I thought was a party hat on – totally weird, but whatever. I assumed it got added by accident or something.

When I finally got the courage to read (ok, skim) the rest of the email, I get to the end (after he gushes about how he loves his  job, discusses how he can swim ten laps, rhapsodizes about his ‘romance’ with tennis, and basically writes every thought he’s ever had) and read this sentence:

p.s. attached is a photo of my pooch “xxxxxxx” at his 14th birthday “Bark Mitzvah”  Sadly I lost him last year. This photo always makes me smile, so thought Id share my personal rabbi with you…..

Ok. What in the fucking hell.

WHY IS HE SENDING A PICTURE OF HIS DEAD DOG, AND WHY IS THE DOG JEWISH?!!?!?!?

Honestly. In my entire life, I never thought I’d have to ask those questions.  What I thought was a hat, was actually a yarmulke. And what I thought was a random table cloth, was actually some blue shirt with the Star of David on it.

I could not make this shit up if I tried.

Sooooooooooooo then…. my sister asked today if I’d heard from him, and I said yes, he’s kind of weird and sent her the email – assuming she’d giggle and agree with me, and this was her response:

Ok, what do you want? Someone to write you three lines??? You get annoyed if the don’t write, you get annoyed of they write too much, at least he wrote back!!! Fine it may be generic, what else is he supposed to write about except his life/ hobbies/ interests….why write it a thousand times over????

Yes it’s weird, maybe he is also trying to weed out girls, ie if a girl thinks its weird and doesn’t write back, not worth his time???

All I am saying is at least he wrote, he has a ” real job”, lives here in USA, citizen, not too big of a family, I have one guy that keeps calling me from India should I call him??!!!

 

Alright – I’ll admit she has a point that I’m picky in terms of a first impression. You know why? Because for the 15 god damn years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never been wrong when I’ve gone with my first impression. Also, what I WANT is someone normal. I don’t really think that’s asking so much.

I did enjoy her ‘threat’ about calling the guy in India. Not my minutes or my money, so whatever floats your boat. I should’ve just said yes to that, to see what happens.

But what pissed me off… BEYOND pissed me off… is this assumption that these are the maximum standards I should have: a job, lives here, and that he wrote an email.  By those qualifications, any random guy from work would be marriage material too.  I get emails all day long from them! They must SERIOUSLY LIKE ME.

AND what else pisses me off is that she’s already making excuses for him. Who’s making excuses for me? Who’s standing up for me? Who cares what *I* want? I TRIED to weed myself out of this, and now I feel like I have to talk to this guy. I mean, if that was his attempt, it was going to work!

So I asked her: If your (now) husband had sent you this same email before you ever met, would you have talked to him?

And she was all like, “It’s weird, but I don’t think I would’ve taken him off the list.”

FUCKING LIAR.

Let’s just call that bullshit like it is. When you have someone and don’t have to do this anymore, and it’s not your time and energy being spent – it is so fucking easy to sit back and smugly say, “Give it a shot. Talk to him. You never know.” 

Because that’s what happened today – all those in a relationship who heard this story/read his email/saw his Jewish dog, said, “You should give him a chance! You never know!”

Meanwhile, all the singles who got the same info said, “What the hell. Who does that in the first contact email???? Definitely weird.”

I’m gonna talk to this guy, because I clearly have to –but good god, I cannot read another 8 page email from him, so let’s hope it’s better on the phone and I don’t have to listen to his random thought bubbles  – and who knows. Maybe he’ll be great. Maybe he’s the one. Maybe maybe maybe.

If we get married, I’ll name our new dog after my sister. It’s the least I can do. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 


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