currylove

Posts Tagged ‘life

A few months ago, my cousin introduced me to a new guy: me and this guy are the same age, we do extremely similar work, and we’re the same type of Indian. Basically on paper it looks like a match. I said I’d talk to him, even knowing he’s divorced (really, being divorced doesn’t bother me, but I do want to know why the marriage didn’t work.)

So we started chatting on the phone. The same inane conversations I always have with these guys: “So, how’s work? What’d you do for dinner? Do you like to cook? What kind of food do you like to make?”

The usual interview questions for the position of wife and CEO of the household.

But, he did seem genuinely nice and it’s not like I’m getting any younger, so I agreed to meet him. We hadn’t talked about ANYTHING important on the phone, but he offered to come down and visit me and we agreed on last weekend.

And, to his credit, before coming down, he even made dinner reservations on Saturday night at a super swanky place I’d been wanting to try. Initiative!

And, also to his credit, I took him to a work party after I picked up him from the airport (yup, our first time meeting in person and the first activity was with 20 coworkers) and he did great! He was nice and chatty. Friendly!

And, also also to his credit, he paid for everything all weekend. He even tried to buy me a piece of art I spotted in downtown though I wouldn’t let him. I offered to pay each time, since he flew down and had to get a hotel room too, but he wouldn’t let me. He even brought me earrings as a birthday gift. Generous!

So even with all these great things, he is FOB and with being a FOB comes the FOB love.

FOB love is what me and my friends call the overbearing, overwhelming, almost desperate behavior of Indian guys (from India) when it comes to women. There is no playing it cool or any games, which is great, but there is this never ending barrage of trying to help when no help is needed, or thinking that just buying things makes a relationship.

I sound like a bitch, which I am, but there’s no way to explain how irritating this is because it sounds great, right? Like who doesn’t want a guy that’s so concerned and helpful and generous? But it can be so smothering.

There were a lot of little things, but the best example is when I was dropping him off at the airport on Sunday. I was chatting about flying for Thanksgiving and how I thought ticket prices would be expensive and out of nowhere, he goes, “I have like 50,000 skymiles I’m not using. You can have them.”

My response: “Um… no. Look, we’re not dating. We’re not anything. We just met for the first time. I don’t want your skymiles, I have my own. I appreciate it, but no.”

I know that I sound ungrateful. But here’s the problem: I think he thinks buying me things (dinners, birthday gift, lunches, offering me skymiles) makes a relationship. It doesn’t.

We only talked ONCE about his divorce, and that’s because I brought it up. And of course, everything he said blamed her. Which, maybe it was mostly her fault, but as my mom says, “it takes two hands to clap.” I just never heard what the other hand did.

And we wouldn’t even have had that conversation if it was up to him. We didn’t talk about any other relationships (mine or his); we didn’t talk about sex; we didn’t talk about friends; we didn’t talk about family; we didn’t talk about anything of fucking substance. He has no idea about my past. And I don’t know about his. So I don’t want to be treated like a girlfriend when we’re not even really friends.

We chatted again today and it was the same stupid shit. “How was your day? What’s for dinner? Are you ready to travel?” It’s like the conversation never moves forward.

But that said, I did tell him that I thought we should meet again because I had more questions for him and he should have questions for me.

So we’re going to get together in a few weeks again.

Stay tuned….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, clearly my dating/love life journey is going nowhere and I just have to come to terms with that. I may be alone forever. Oh well.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not irritated by other people’s seeming success. I know someone who is lazy and generally useless, and divorced because of those two reasons. From Facebook, it’s clear he’s dating some new girl who must have the hookup because he’s been at sold-out concerts and tennis tournaments.

AND HE IS OVER 40, LIVES WITH HIS FAMILY AND DOESN’T HAVE A JOB… so there’s no way he’s paying for this shit. He can’t be. If I find out he is through his funding mechanism (aka, his Dad), I’ll update this. But for now, I think either she’s paying or she works at a job where she gets free tickets, because they’re always in the VIP areas.

WTF. JUST WTF.

I can’t get a proper dinner. He gets VIP access to Drake? ARGH ARGH ARGH.

 

 

 

So last week, Thursday, I called home and my mom gave me an email address from a matrimonial ad in the paper. It was the usual, “40 year old doctor, innocently divorced, seeking suitable match.”

Mom says:

“Make sure you right today. It’s Thursday – it’s a good day.”

As soon as she said that, all I could think was how does she still believe??? I sent my med school applications on a ‘good day’, I’m not a doctor. I have sent countless emails to these guys on ‘good days,’ I’m not married yet. I’ve done so many things on ‘good days’ and it doesn’t fucking matter one single iota.

But she does believe, and so I emailed this innocent divorcee on a good day, knowing full well I’ll never hear back.

She asked me today if I got an email back and I kind of giggled and said,

“No Mommy. There’s not going to be one.”

And she let out this heavy sigh and goes,

“Why are they so dumb? Why do they put an ad in the paper if they don’t really want to write to anyone? They should AT LEAST write back and say they’re not interested.”

Yes! I agree! Be slightly professional about it! I mean, I seriously doubt this dude is getting so many flipping emails that he can’t keep up. But what I do think is probably happening is that he is getting at least a few responses from women that are 10-15 years younger than me, and that’s probably more appealing than a 38 year old.

Even though I would be a suitable match.

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, I recreated my facebook profile because I needed to get back on Tinder and try Bumble. I’m not meeting anyone in real life, and relying on the Indian dating websites was sucking the life out of me. So, I got back on facebook under the pretense of joining just to keep up with pics of my nieces and nephews (which is partially true, I do love seeing more pics of them now), but really it was so I could get back to dating like a person in 2016.

One of the first guys I chatted with on Tinder caught my attention immediately – intelligent, funny, cute and our texting was actually really witty and smart. I was excited, but trying to not get my hopes up because hello, just read every other post in this damn blog.

We met up on Saturday night, sat down to drinks, and I spent the first 15 minutes trying to figure out if he was really gay.

I have no fucking idea what he talked about for those 15 minutes or how I responded. I just couldn’t get over him possibly being gay.  I mean, cool if he is, but not my thing.

In any case, we drank quite a bit and ended up going to a bar we both like to cap off the night. We were sitting in a pretty well lit area, it was towards the end of the night, there were a lot of people around and all of a sudden, he grabbed my waist and pulled me in and I realized he was going to kiss me and I TURNED MY HEAD SO HE KISSED MY CHEEK INSTEAD.

I felt like a bitch, and he was clearly hurt, but I just…couldn’t.

He asked why I wouldn’t kiss him – I told him it was too early for that (yup. I’m also a liar). But really, I couldn’t get past his voice. And some mannerisms. And my silent questioning of his sexuality.

That ended the night. He walked me out to wait for my Lyft, and I did give him a quick kiss, but it was clearly a pity kiss and he clearly was ready for me to leave.

I texted immediately after I got home to say thanks again and how much fun I had (that was actually true, minus the whole kissing thing), and got no response. I texted Sunday to ask how he liked the movie he saw, and got a quick one sentence text back.

I know and understand that I hurt his feelings, but there was NO warning or even lead up to him trying to kiss me. There was no heavy duty flirting  — we talked politics most of the night. Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump aren’t exactly sexy.

There was no batting my eyelashes on my part, and no longing looks on his. There was no indication that he was going to even try anything. It came out of nowhere, caught me off guard and I rejected him.

And I know you’re thinking he tried to kiss me, so he must be straight… but I’m still not sure.

 

 

 

 

So there was all this flurry of activity of a potential new match: Doctor, divorced, same age as me, etc etc. The usual.

Dad sends me an email telling me to ask around to see if any of my friends know him. Mom calls his mom directly. The conversation they had follows:

My Mom (giving some information): She was born in ’77.

His mom (being a bitch): Oh, we’re looking for someone who’s 30 or 31.

My Mom (being awesome): Ok, good luck. Bye. *CLICK*

MOM HUNG UP ON THIS WOMAN!!! This woman who thinks her doctor son, who has a child, is going to trap some young babe into marrying him. Which, who knows, maybe he will. Who cares? Not me.

Mom then tells me, “Yeah, he plays cricket, which I thought was weird for a boy born here, so I wanted to make sure about some things.” And then she laughs and says, “They’re stupid.”

She totally listened to all the clues and did her research!!! I am so proud!

Meanwhile, any boy’s mom who says “WE” are looking for someone definitely means that I am not the someone who they’re looking for. Single is better than trapped.

 

 

 

And I’ve had ONE FUCKING DATE. ONE.

A DATE.

Jesus Christ I should just buy my 50 cats now and succumb to the inevitable.

“How was the date?” I hear you asking.

I showed up at the chosen location, and there was a bit of a line for the hostess table. I essentially almost ran into him as he was at the end of the line, and when I did realize it was him, I also realized I was LOOKING DOWN AT HIM TO SAY HELLO.

I’m 5’2″ (157.5 cm for my metric readers). I was hearing boots with about a 1 inch heel. That made me a grand total of 5’3″.  And I was looking DOWN at him.

BUT! Even still! We had a decent date! Conversation was good, it was semi-flirty. I mean, I wasn’t gonna sleep with him, but I wasn’t repulsed. That’s a good date these days.

He even gave me a ride home at the end of the night. I texted him to say thanks for dinner/drinks and wished him a fun time at the festival he was going to the next day. I even left an opening: “Tell me how it is!”

He texted back a couple of hours later to say “If you ever want to try that new Indian place, let me know.”

And that was that. Never heard from him again.

cat lady

 

 

 

 

So when Philly was here, we went on our bar crawl. After drinking many many many drinks, we decided to take a break for some food.

We found some seats and asked our bartender what he liked better: the tofu tacos or the tofu philly cheesesteak.

He said he liked the tacos, but we blew off his recc and went with the philly.

Out comes our food and I take a big drunken bite.

It’s delicious. I literally thought:

This is the best tofu I’ve ever had!

And then, we looked at the food.

And even looking at it, I couldn’t figure out how they made the tofu so delicious and yummy and …brown.

And then Philly double checked with the bartender that we actually had the tofu version of the cheesesteak and not the beefy version.

Turns out the reason the tofu was so damn delicious was because it was MEAT.

I haven’t had red meat in about 20 years.

OMG. WHAT HAVE I BEEN MISSING?

Now, I’m not reverting to a carnivore any time soon, and I was PISSED about the mix-up. But, we should’ve checked our food and not trust some dummy behind the bar, who chalked it up to ‘miscommunication.’

But what really pissed me off? MORE than being given something I haven’t eaten in two decades?? THE ASSHOLE TRIED TO CHARGE US FOR THE FOOD.

They did replace it with the not-so-delicious tofu version but actually still tried to make us pay.

In my drunken state, I think I said the following:

There is no way in fucking hell that I’m paying for something that I didn’t order and didn’t want to eat.

He took it off the bill but after he acted like WE were in the wrong for even suggesting that it shouldn’t be a charge.

Meanwhile, this has happened before (and I expect it, and I’m typically more careful when I haven’t been drinking for hours at a time) and THAT time? The waitress not only apologized a dozen times to the point where it was uncomfortable, she comped my WHOLE meal, not just the food portion. It’s just decent customer service, you know?

AND OMG.

As I’m typing this out… is this whole mix up a metaphor for my life?!?!!? 

I didn’t want the boring bland Asian food pretending to be something it’s not.

BUT I LOVED THE ALL AMERICAN MEAT.

Maybe I need to be more honest with myself?

I mean, I’m not going back to meat but I don’t enjoy tofu – so why do I keep trying?

And I don’t like dating the Indian boys I’ve met –  so why do I keep trying?

 

 


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