Posts Tagged ‘online dating

Back on Bumble. Fuck my life.

I matched with these guys and said my customary “hello ” as an opener.  I don’t waste a lot of time writing an intro because God knows what I’ll get back.

So… with that in mind,  that all I said was “hello” — I present to you the responses I received: 

The Doctor:

The random hottie (sent the same message when I didn’t respond to his first one.  And has not deleted the app):

The Indian FOB:

I am going to be alone forever. 


So when Philly was here, we’d been out to a bar where we ended up chatting with young guy (as in, still-in-college-just-turned-21). I remember meeting him and giving him advice on how he should find a sugar mama (and where he should do that). He drank with us a bit and was cute and fun and I probably flirted with him a bit more than I should’ve. He’d texted a few times after (I guess I gave him my number while drunk) and I lied and told him Philly was my boyfriend.

Well, last week, I got a text from a number I didn’t know. After a little back and forth, turned out it was this young guy! TWO YEARS LATER.

He said he found my number and just wanted to see how things were. I teased him about texting after 2 years and he said he thought “he’d take it slow” – which made me laugh. Then he asked if I still had boyfriend. NO. I DON’T. I NEVER DO. I NEVER DID. I didn’t respond to him because what’s the point?

I will generally never understand guys. Like, wtf – he just found my number and thought he’d take a shot? So strange. Weirdly flattering, but so so strange.

Yet, guys that I actually like that I *want* to hear from again… Nope. Never.

Then just a few days ago I met this woman who I ended up chatting to for quite a bit. She is 47 and married, and I legit thought she was in her late 20s (I asked for her skin care regimen – she said it’s just Asian genetics). Anyway, she asked about my status to which I replied I’m single. She was SHOCKED. As in, her mouth fell open. And I don’t think she was acting. She actually didn’t believe I was single, and then goes on to say:

Well, you must be VERY PICKY. Because you shouldn’t be single. You should have your choice of guys.

Yup. I’ve heard that before. And as one of my friends recently told me: “You have shit taste in men.”

How is my life summed up in a meme? Sigh. At least I’m on the only one who doesn’t understand this mystery:







So my vibrant neighbor moved on from her first online dating disaster pretty quickly. She met a new guy on match (her age, 75), had had her first date with him and when we were chatting about it, she told me she was thinking of moving in with him after the holidays.

Neighbor: “At my age, when you know, you just know. I don’t have time to waste and neither does he.”

Me: “Wow! That’s awesome!”

Me internally: WOW. Should I be thinking this way? It’s not like I’m getting any younger. Am I too picky? God dammit…. I am.

Neighbor: “I’m so glad I gave him another chance.”

Me: “Wait… what?”

Neighbor: “On our first date he showed up drunk, and he sent me email after email apologizing. I decided to give him a second chance.”

Me: “Oh… wow. Um…. that’s great!”

Me internally: And *there* is the kicker. Should I warn her? That’s such a red flag. But… No she won’t believe me. And I’m cynical. Maybe it’ll work out.

A week later, I ran into her outside and asked about her man.

Turned out they’d gone for a walk and he couldn’t keep up – he was hunched over, huffing and puffing, and generally acting old which totally turned her off.  She’d ended it with him by just saying she didn’t think they were compatible.

Well it turns out their age really does not fucking matter.

He emailed her to say he thought she was horrible AND WRINKLY and not pretty enough for him.

She didn’t respond.

So he emailed her again every day for the next week begging for forgiveness and asking for another chance.

She didn’t respond.






I was chatting with my downstairs neighbor who’s 75 years young. She is so vivacious and awesome. She has adult children, still works a full time job and decided she’s been single for long enough (by choice) that she decided to get on Match.

She had a date with an 80 year old guy. First date went well and they set up their next one. Their second date was near his birthday – she took him a bottle of wine, they sat outside on his deck and watched the sun set on the river ($$$), and they went to one of the best restaurants in town.

I saw her a couple of days after their second date, and she hadn’t heard from him. She texted him “Happy Birthday” and wished him well.  No response. Five days later and she hadn’t heard from.

SHE NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN!!!! AND… WE CAN’T EVEN JOKE HE DIED. Because you know… he may have (but really, I think he’s just an 80 year old douche).

Anyway, it really does not matter their fucking age.  Assholes are assholes, whether their bodies are amazing or wrinkly. It just never gets better.






Today, I got a message on bumble from some white guy who did the usual blah blah blah and then, out of nowhere, says, “I like your color!!”

Ummm thanks?

So I guess the thing is, I’m not surprised – clearly I expect guys who aren’t Indian to self-select in dating someone who isn’t whatever color they are. But I don’t expect it to come out so fetishized.

I didn’t respond right away, so a few hours later I got another message from him that asked, “Was I too eager?”

I finally had a chance to reply and just said that his comment about color threw me, and I’d never had anyone say that to me before ever meeting.  He then goes on to say, “I just like darker girls!”

And then BECAUSE THIS IS ALL I HAVE NOW … I found myself thinking, “Well, at least he’s already attracted to me. Maybe this could be ok.”

Because, though I haven’t blogged about them, I did have a bunch of first dates that were SO BORING. They were all Indian guys, who I’m sure wanted to go out with me because I’m Indian, so how is this any different? Would it be reverse discrimination if I didn’t go out with this White Guy with a Fetish??

I don’t know anymore.






A couple of weeks ago, I recreated my facebook profile because I needed to get back on Tinder and try Bumble. I’m not meeting anyone in real life, and relying on the Indian dating websites was sucking the life out of me. So, I got back on facebook under the pretense of joining just to keep up with pics of my nieces and nephews (which is partially true, I do love seeing more pics of them now), but really it was so I could get back to dating like a person in 2016.

One of the first guys I chatted with on Tinder caught my attention immediately – intelligent, funny, cute and our texting was actually really witty and smart. I was excited, but trying to not get my hopes up because hello, just read every other post in this damn blog.

We met up on Saturday night, sat down to drinks, and I spent the first 15 minutes trying to figure out if he was really gay.

I have no fucking idea what he talked about for those 15 minutes or how I responded. I just couldn’t get over him possibly being gay.  I mean, cool if he is, but not my thing.

In any case, we drank quite a bit and ended up going to a bar we both like to cap off the night. We were sitting in a pretty well lit area, it was towards the end of the night, there were a lot of people around and all of a sudden, he grabbed my waist and pulled me in and I realized he was going to kiss me and I TURNED MY HEAD SO HE KISSED MY CHEEK INSTEAD.

I felt like a bitch, and he was clearly hurt, but I just…couldn’t.

He asked why I wouldn’t kiss him – I told him it was too early for that (yup. I’m also a liar). But really, I couldn’t get past his voice. And some mannerisms. And my silent questioning of his sexuality.

That ended the night. He walked me out to wait for my Lyft, and I did give him a quick kiss, but it was clearly a pity kiss and he clearly was ready for me to leave.

I texted immediately after I got home to say thanks again and how much fun I had (that was actually true, minus the whole kissing thing), and got no response. I texted Sunday to ask how he liked the movie he saw, and got a quick one sentence text back.

I know and understand that I hurt his feelings, but there was NO warning or even lead up to him trying to kiss me. There was no heavy duty flirting  — we talked politics most of the night. Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump aren’t exactly sexy.

There was no batting my eyelashes on my part, and no longing looks on his. There was no indication that he was going to even try anything. It came out of nowhere, caught me off guard and I rejected him.

And I know you’re thinking he tried to kiss me, so he must be straight… but I’m still not sure.







Jesus Christ I should just buy my 50 cats now and succumb to the inevitable.

“How was the date?” I hear you asking.

I showed up at the chosen location, and there was a bit of a line for the hostess table. I essentially almost ran into him as he was at the end of the line, and when I did realize it was him, I also realized I was LOOKING DOWN AT HIM TO SAY HELLO.

I’m 5’2″ (157.5 cm for my metric readers). I was hearing boots with about a 1 inch heel. That made me a grand total of 5’3″.  And I was looking DOWN at him.

BUT! Even still! We had a decent date! Conversation was good, it was semi-flirty. I mean, I wasn’t gonna sleep with him, but I wasn’t repulsed. That’s a good date these days.

He even gave me a ride home at the end of the night. I texted him to say thanks for dinner/drinks and wished him a fun time at the festival he was going to the next day. I even left an opening: “Tell me how it is!”

He texted back a couple of hours later to say “If you ever want to try that new Indian place, let me know.”

And that was that. Never heard from him again.

cat lady





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