currylove

Posts Tagged ‘relationships

We’d left things with a decision to meet again, and a few weeks after our first meeting, I was going to be in DC for work. I planned on staying through the weekend and going to the company Christmas party, so I invited him. He’s officially gone to more of my company parties than people I actually work with.

He got there Saturday afternoon, and from Saturday to Sunday, when we weren’t talking about DC landmarks, we talked about work. Again and again and again. I was so bored I thought my eyes would roll out of my head.

I also decided I wasn’t going to bring up anything important – I wanted to see if he wanted to bring it up, or at least learn more about my past. I still have questions about his, and just generally, I wanted to see if we could have a relaxed conversation about all things in life.

Nope. We cannot.

We do similar work, so I understand why it’s an easy fallback, but really – I have more chemistry with Lincoln’s statue than I do with him. We don’t laugh a lot when we’re together, we don’t chat about anything of substance, and when we do, we don’t agree.

As we drove through DC, there was homeless outreach going on and I said something to the effect of “That’s so nice” and he said something to the effect of “They should get a job.”

I almost lost it. I did go off a bit on him about the reasons homelessness exist in this country and how there’s no safety net and how it’s so hard to get out of once you’re in it, but I don’t know that he cared. I also don’t think it makes him a bad person, but it’s not how *I* think. I told my parents he said that and even they were incredulous. My mom’s response was “What address would they even give for a job?” EXACTLY MOM.

Then, we had a ridiculous conversation about kids playing sports. I have to read up on kids/sports/injuries for work and said that with all the information coming out around TBI (traumatic brain injury) and CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy) I wouldn’t want my nieces or nephews playing a sport where the potential long term effects aren’t known yet, or they’re known but aren’t widely studied. You only have one brain, man. Keep it as sharp as you can for as long as you can. That’s my take.

His take was, “Well, I wouldn’t say no if my kid wanted to play. It’s their choice.”

My response to that was, “That’s why you’re the parent. Because you’re supposed to know better than a 7 year old.”

When I mentioned this to some friends, their response was, “Yeah, that’s why you see kids of these FOB parents running around all over the place with no discipline!”

And they’re right. There’s a fundamental difference that I can’t pinpoint, but even my sister’s seen it – she has fobby friends who are very sweet, but the kids, who were born here. OMG. Hellions. No structure, no guidance, no bedtimes, no nothing… they do whatever they want. And it’s an epidemic.

Anyway, he dropped me at the airport. Had our awkward side hug (oh, he stayed in the hotel room next to me. Not even a kiss goodnight after the party.) to say goodbye.

Since then? No calls. Just stupid texts: “How you doing? How’s work? My work is busy.”

I’m pretty much done and just need to call it. I think he is too. But I also think we have zero other options. BLAH.

So my vibrant neighbor moved on from her first online dating disaster pretty quickly. She met a new guy on match (her age, 75), had had her first date with him and when we were chatting about it, she told me she was thinking of moving in with him after the holidays.

Neighbor: “At my age, when you know, you just know. I don’t have time to waste and neither does he.”

Me: “Wow! That’s awesome!”

Me internally: WOW. Should I be thinking this way? It’s not like I’m getting any younger. Am I too picky? God dammit…. I am.

Neighbor: “I’m so glad I gave him another chance.”

Me: “Wait… what?”

Neighbor: “On our first date he showed up drunk, and he sent me email after email apologizing. I decided to give him a second chance.”

Me: “Oh… wow. Um…. that’s great!”

Me internally: And *there* is the kicker. Should I warn her? That’s such a red flag. But… No she won’t believe me. And I’m cynical. Maybe it’ll work out.

A week later, I ran into her outside and asked about her man.

Turned out they’d gone for a walk and he couldn’t keep up – he was hunched over, huffing and puffing, and generally acting old which totally turned her off.  She’d ended it with him by just saying she didn’t think they were compatible.

Well it turns out their age really does not fucking matter.

He emailed her to say he thought she was horrible AND WRINKLY and not pretty enough for him.

She didn’t respond.

So he emailed her again every day for the next week begging for forgiveness and asking for another chance.

She didn’t respond.

BYE FELIPE.

 

 

 

 

So, clearly my dating/love life journey is going nowhere and I just have to come to terms with that. I may be alone forever. Oh well.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not irritated by other people’s seeming success. I know someone who is lazy and generally useless, and divorced because of those two reasons. From Facebook, it’s clear he’s dating some new girl who must have the hookup because he’s been at sold-out concerts and tennis tournaments.

AND HE IS OVER 40, LIVES WITH HIS FAMILY AND DOESN’T HAVE A JOB… so there’s no way he’s paying for this shit. He can’t be. If I find out he is through his funding mechanism (aka, his Dad), I’ll update this. But for now, I think either she’s paying or she works at a job where she gets free tickets, because they’re always in the VIP areas.

WTF. JUST WTF.

I can’t get a proper dinner. He gets VIP access to Drake? ARGH ARGH ARGH.

 

 

 

And I’ve had ONE FUCKING DATE. ONE.

A DATE.

Jesus Christ I should just buy my 50 cats now and succumb to the inevitable.

“How was the date?” I hear you asking.

I showed up at the chosen location, and there was a bit of a line for the hostess table. I essentially almost ran into him as he was at the end of the line, and when I did realize it was him, I also realized I was LOOKING DOWN AT HIM TO SAY HELLO.

I’m 5’2″ (157.5 cm for my metric readers). I was hearing boots with about a 1 inch heel. That made me a grand total of 5’3″.  And I was looking DOWN at him.

BUT! Even still! We had a decent date! Conversation was good, it was semi-flirty. I mean, I wasn’t gonna sleep with him, but I wasn’t repulsed. That’s a good date these days.

He even gave me a ride home at the end of the night. I texted him to say thanks for dinner/drinks and wished him a fun time at the festival he was going to the next day. I even left an opening: “Tell me how it is!”

He texted back a couple of hours later to say “If you ever want to try that new Indian place, let me know.”

And that was that. Never heard from him again.

cat lady

 

 

 

 

So it took forever to end things because I just couldn’t come out and say it.

We went back and forth on email a couple of times, with him being witty and asking if I knew of any Hindu fire rituals to save a relationship.  Cute, but we don’t have a relationship. We’ve met once, chatted a few times, had LOADS of silence in all of that, and emailed. A relationship that does not make.

I couldn’t prolong the inevitable and finally had to tell him I thought we’d better off as just friends.

Haven’t heard from him since.

Perhaps I fucked up on this one. He is smart, nice and kind. Maybe the silence would’ve grown on me? I guess we’ll never know but he’s off the list and I’m back to the drawing board.

On a side note, I did get hit on by a coworker’s husband at our company Christmas party….so at least guys still find me attractive. Although he was so fall down drunk he could’ve been talking to a pole and not known the difference.

To wrap this post up though… I don’t know what to do… I feel like I’ve been complaining about the same shit for 4 years (well, that’s as long as this blog has been around. I’ve been actually complaining for much longer than that).

Part of why I’ve posted less and less is that even I’m sick of reading my own shit.  Something has to change, and I’m not sure whether that’s something in me (Do I need to be a better person to attract better? What’s wrong with me? What do I need to do?) or maybe my location (is it time to move? Where do I go?) or maybe change how I try to meet guys (though, besides online and in real life*, I don’t know what options there are)??

*I’ve even asked friends to set me up with their fiance’s or husband’s or boyfriend’s friends… same response every time: “Oh, none of his friends are good enough.” THEN WHY IS YOUR HUSBAND/FIANCE/BOYFRIEND FRIENDS WITH LOSERS!!!??? Like, how’d you find the ONE in that group who is normal??  ARRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

 

 

So out of the blue, because Mercury is in retrograde still, on Sunday I got a text from this guy I had chatted with last year from one of the Indian dating websites. It didn’t go anywhere last year, per usual, but he was going to be in town for a couple of nights and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up on Monday for coffee or dinner. I said yes, because why not?

We ended up going to dinner at a pizza place that is totally not date friendly. It’s loud, it’s family style seating and it’s hot since you’re basically sitting in the damn kitchen. The pizza’s good though.

Anyway, the whole date was just awkward. Like super fucking awkward.

First off, he starts with questioning me on why I was so ‘short’ with him on text. I hadn’t remembered this at all, but after he brought it up MULTIPLE times I finally remembered. Basically he wanted to have in-depth conversation on whatsapp, and I didn’t.

Just pick up the phone and call, but don’t try to get paragraphs of information out of me on fucking messenger. It’s never gonna happen. So I don’t really understand why he even reached out if he was still clearly annoyed by that, but I guess he wanted to give it a try? Who knows.

Then, he starts talking about how he has to talk to so many “bitches.”

BITCHES. HE CALLED THE WOMEN HE TALKS TO BITCHES. ON A DATE WITH ME.  I mean, looking back, I guess I’m also in that category to him? I have no idea. Again, it was so weird.

In his defense, he has met quite a few not nice girls from what he told me, but he was also clearly taking it out on me in some way… like he had such a chip on his shoulder about all these other girls who were mean or dismissive, and I guess he thought I was as well? But then why bother to ask me out?

And I was being “not a bitch”! I was commiserating on his crappy experiences, and being optimistic about our night out, and trying to be engaging and entertaining.  So dinner and conversation continues and I actually had fun! Even though it was slightly awkward, he had some really interesting things to say, and he’s really an interesting person too. There were glimpses of potential.

But then. He starts asking about how often I log on to the dating site, and I told him that I hadn’t been logging in to it recently.

AND THEN I GOT LECTURED.

“Shouldn’t you put in effort to find someone? Don’t you want a family? Why do so many girls not try? I mean, your job’s not going to make you happy forever. Why even have a profile if you don’t care? Don’t you want to find someone? “

I KNOW. I FUCKING KNOW.

And he’s not wrong. He’s absolutely not wrong. But I don’t go on dates to be lectured. I mean, sure, go ahead and think that. And maybe at some point, bring it up … but on the first date?

Again, the whole thing is so weird because while he’s semi-lecturing me and telling me about the horrible girls he meets, he wanted to continue chatting.

So, we went to get gelato, and he spoke in Gujarati to me. Which is fine. I’m fluent. But that doesn’t mean I want to respond in it…  it just felt like he was testing me to see if I was telling the truth about speaking. He asked me, in Gujarati, if I wanted some gelato now that I’d seen it. I told him, in English, “eh, not so much. I’ll just have a little.” He went on to translate that into Gujarati and then try to make me say it back.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

The poor teenage gelato kid. He was probably hoping the old assholes speaking semi-English in front of him would just order a damn scoop and go so he could close up.

Here’s the thing. I’m not shy to speak in my language. But I don’t want to be goaded into it, or treated like a child when doing so. It was again, so awkward.

But all of that to say, he wasn’t a full out asshole. He was nice and paid for dinner and there were things about him that I really enjoyed and actually look for in a partner.

He walked me to my car, and as we said goodbye, he just kinda stood there. So I hugged him goodbye. Which was also awkward because I had to move towards him to do that, and he wasn’t exactly reciprocating so it was a weird half-hug. I thanked him in person for dinner and told him I had fun, and that I hoped to see him soon.

No response to any of that, which probably should’ve been my first clue.

I texted him when I got home to say thanks again for dinner, it was nice meeting him, and to ask if he made it back to his hotel ok.

NO RESPONSE.

NOT A FUCKING TEXT BACK. Not even to say “yup, i’m at the hotel” or “sorry never wanna see you again” or “Damn all you bitches!”

Nothing.

The perplexing thing about ALL of this is is that he wonders why I don’t make more effort online….but the thing is, I made effort in ACTUAL PERSON. Like, who fucking cares about what happened online.

I PUT ON A DRESS AND HEELS. FOR PIZZA. THAT WE HAD TOGETHER IN REAL LIFE.

What the fuck is wrong with these guys? Or is it still me?

 

 

 

 

Fuck  my life.

No, actually, fuck my non existent love life.  The rest of my life is fine, fun even. But the romance department? Just ugh.

I’ve been semi-talking to this doctor that my parents introduced me too. We’ve had a hard time connecting with schedules that are pretty opposite, but recently we’ve been able to chat.

On Monday, we talked for a bit but he was on call and also getting his dad’s new phone set up, so we kept it short – he got a couple of calls from the answering service and then got to his dad’s place, so needed to go. No big deal.

Wednesday we talked for about 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, he apologized MULTIPLE times for  (1) it having been so hard to catch each other and (2) for having to put me on hold a few times on Monday. He started with an apology. Midway he provided another apology. He ended with TWO apologies.

HOLY FUCK MAN. STOP APOLOGIZING FOR HAVING A LIFE.

Which… I finally said. Not so meanly, but firmly.  I guess he’s trying to be nice/polite, but CLEARLY he doesn’t know who he’s talking to. Treat me like shit and I’ll be so much more captivated. (Sadly only semi-joking about that.)

Also in those 10 minutes, he told me how his nephew called him bald. Except the story wasn’t that short. FIRST I had to listen to where the kid’s car seat was positioned in the car. WHO CARES. WHO FUCKING CARES. And then I had to hear how his nephew ‘cutely’ asked him, “Why is your hair running away?”

….. I don’t think he’s lying, but who the hell is his nephew? Is he taking lessons from Michelle on Full House?

AND THEN. THEN…. to cap off this entire conversation (which has so far been apologies and weird kid stories), he was doing laundry and says, “Oh wow. I just noticed I had on two different colors of beige socks today!”

Beige socks.

Fuck my love life.

 

 

 

 


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