Posts Tagged ‘st. patrick’s day

I mentioned previously that I met the pharmacist while we were waiting in line to get into a bar. Within a few minutes, we already knew he was single and 30 years old. I didn’t remember/know how we started talking, and I couldn’t really remember what I said. Until my friend filled me in… apparently, our conversation at some point went like this:


  •       Me: “You probably don’t know how to blow a girl right”  — yup. I SAID THAT! I don’t even know what that means, that’s how drunk I was. I guess I meant lick and it just came out all wrong?
  •       Him: “Actually, I’m divorced…. She was cheating on me.”
  •       Me: (after snorting)… “Then you definitely didn’t blow her right”.


OMG! I told some stranger that his wife cheated on him because he sucked in bed!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!!!?

Obviously he didn’t care too much, cause we made out all night. AND he texted me: “You are awesome. So glad we met”

Clearly, my new strategy to lure guys should be to drop the niceness and just be a straight up bitch. It works.


So, as per the post before this, we (my 3 friends (L, T, P) and I) had a fabulous time in Savannah. But we’re four girls so it wasn’t drama-free. Our first night there, we got dressed and were out drinking by about 5pm. I was dressed in a simple tee, but it was low cut enough to attract attention. Gotta put the boobs to use when I can.

As we got drunker and drunker, well, we just drank some more. We drank at a few bars, and then somehow wandered into a wine shop for a wine tasting to class things up, and then went back to the dirty bars. The crowd is young-ish and we realized we’re too old for it. We preferred to sit in the bars that were a little more expensive so that the ‘riff-raff’ was kept out. Obviously, our drunk wavering asses were not the riff-raff. That’s other people.

We met a bachelor party at the last bar we were at (this is the same group that J was a part of ) – we went to get pizza with a few of the guys and just hang out a bit more. My friend, L, started talking to J’s friend – we’ll call him M. We’re eating pizza and L says to us “Be right back” – so me, T & P hung out with J and just chatted.

T was WASTED at this point and called everyone who walked by us a ‘hooker,’ which didn’t really endear us to a lot of people. THEN! She went up to get pizza (another slice) and P offered to pay for it. T looked her dead in the eye and said: “Move the fuck away”

HA  HA HA. P took the warning and backed off, even though she was only trying to pay for it. Turned out later T somehow consumed 3 pieces of pizza (the slices were the size of our face). She had NO clue she ate so much.

So, this whole time, L & M are gone. We can’t get a text through and finally when we do, she said they were ‘at the river’.  No bar name. No distinct markers, nothing. Just ‘the river.’ The fucking river is 15 miles long! What were we supposed to do??

J (the boy I like) said he would help us find them, since it was his friend. Meanwhile, he tried to let us know that  M wasn’t a bad guy and she wasn’t in trouble – which, we weren’t really worried about. She needs some action. A bad boy would’ve been great for her. We walked like 20 miles around Savannah with no luck. We even ended up detouring to a dance-party on the street for 30 minutes. Clearly, we weren’t super worried, just annoyed. If she’d said we should leave her, we would’ve but without that consent, there was no way we were leaving.

After TWO hours of searching, we finally found them, and we’re annoyed and pissed, not only because we spent 2 hours looking for them but because in that time, ALL they did was make-out. They kissed. No boob grab, no package feel, no under the shirt action. So now, we’re even madder.

This all culminated with us 4 girls and the 2 boys standing on a block, L was crying on one side because we’d yelled at her, T was puking in a dark alley after her 6-million calorie consumption (that none of us knew about) and the rest of us just wanted a cab.  J walked down the street and rolled up with a cab, hanging out of it like fucking Teen-Wolf.

So – M&L made out, but not really. No worries, right? We still had Saturday to get her laid. Saturday night comes around and we met up with the guys briefly – they were all doing the bachelor thing, so that was fine. But M stayed with us for most of the night, which we assumed it was because he liked L.

We hung out, drank some more and let them go off on their own, with strict orders to her to let us know if she was coming home. She ended up at his place – great, right?!!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   After all that effort and time and kissing – he undid her pants, didn’t put his hands down there, didn’t take her shirt off and HE FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He dropped her off at 8am, chaste as she was when she left us. Poor thing. How she ended up with the last male virgin on earth in fucking Savannah on one of the drunkest days of the year is beyond us.

Went to Savannah this past weekend for St. Patrick’s day… they were expecting a million people. There was about 999,550 too few. Still it was crowded and dirty and I rode a mechanical bull for the first time. Awesome.

It was a fantastic weekend with drama, laughs, drinks and boys. Lots of fun with cute boys. I think my cha-cha is out of mourning, officially.

I would’ve gone home with this very cute pharmacist on Saturday night, except for the fact that he was staying in a hotel that required a wrist-band, and since I wasn’t staying there, I didn’t have said wrist-band and we couldn’t hook-up. The Hyatt basically cock-blocked me, which is probably not a bad thing. He was a fantastic kisser and I would love to see him again, but let’s face it, long-distance doesn’t work. 😉

Met another boy on Friday night, who I will hopefully see again (we’ll call him J) – he was sooo drunk when we met and after we parted ways, this was our text conversation:

Him: “You’re pretty cool for a girl.  I actually had a great time with you tonight. Can’t wait to drop kick you in the AM”

Him: “Straight up flying drop kick”

Me: “I don’t have cooties? cool. No ones ever threatened me with violence before. Awesome.   ;)”

Him: “Not real violence, that would be weird and aggressive.”

Him: “I made you a mix tape, it’s mostly new kids on the block and ace of base but it’s cool in my book”

This was 330am and I could not stop giggling, but very quietly, since I was sharing a bed with my girlfriend. We’ve texted a bit today and I’m really hoping we have a date. He was a total ego boost – told me how pretty I was all night long, and that I looked like Salma Hayek. YES! I am totally willing to overlook how drunk he was at this point to just believe he really thought that. (Although – I have heard that a lot, but not so recently since she’s not been in the movies much lately.)

For some reason, I didn’t kiss him. Not that he didn’t try. Multiple times. He told me I was like a ninja with how fast I could turn my face to give him just my cheek. But he was really sweet and funny and I hope he calls. Fingers crossed.

More (and better) stories to come…

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