currylove

Posts Tagged ‘technology doesn’t always make things better

Today, I got a message on bumble from some white guy who did the usual blah blah blah and then, out of nowhere, says, “I like your color!!”

Ummm thanks?

So I guess the thing is, I’m not surprised – clearly I expect guys who aren’t Indian to self-select in dating someone who isn’t whatever color they are. But I don’t expect it to come out so fetishized.

I didn’t respond right away, so a few hours later I got another message from him that asked, “Was I too eager?”

I finally had a chance to reply and just said that his comment about color threw me, and I’d never had anyone say that to me before ever meeting.  He then goes on to say, “I just like darker girls!”

And then BECAUSE THIS IS ALL I HAVE NOW … I found myself thinking, “Well, at least he’s already attracted to me. Maybe this could be ok.”

Because, though I haven’t blogged about them, I did have a bunch of first dates that were SO BORING. They were all Indian guys, who I’m sure wanted to go out with me because I’m Indian, so how is this any different? Would it be reverse discrimination if I didn’t go out with this White Guy with a Fetish??

I don’t know anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

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A couple of weeks ago, I recreated my facebook profile because I needed to get back on Tinder and try Bumble. I’m not meeting anyone in real life, and relying on the Indian dating websites was sucking the life out of me. So, I got back on facebook under the pretense of joining just to keep up with pics of my nieces and nephews (which is partially true, I do love seeing more pics of them now), but really it was so I could get back to dating like a person in 2016.

One of the first guys I chatted with on Tinder caught my attention immediately – intelligent, funny, cute and our texting was actually really witty and smart. I was excited, but trying to not get my hopes up because hello, just read every other post in this damn blog.

We met up on Saturday night, sat down to drinks, and I spent the first 15 minutes trying to figure out if he was really gay.

I have no fucking idea what he talked about for those 15 minutes or how I responded. I just couldn’t get over him possibly being gay.  I mean, cool if he is, but not my thing.

In any case, we drank quite a bit and ended up going to a bar we both like to cap off the night. We were sitting in a pretty well lit area, it was towards the end of the night, there were a lot of people around and all of a sudden, he grabbed my waist and pulled me in and I realized he was going to kiss me and I TURNED MY HEAD SO HE KISSED MY CHEEK INSTEAD.

I felt like a bitch, and he was clearly hurt, but I just…couldn’t.

He asked why I wouldn’t kiss him – I told him it was too early for that (yup. I’m also a liar). But really, I couldn’t get past his voice. And some mannerisms. And my silent questioning of his sexuality.

That ended the night. He walked me out to wait for my Lyft, and I did give him a quick kiss, but it was clearly a pity kiss and he clearly was ready for me to leave.

I texted immediately after I got home to say thanks again and how much fun I had (that was actually true, minus the whole kissing thing), and got no response. I texted Sunday to ask how he liked the movie he saw, and got a quick one sentence text back.

I know and understand that I hurt his feelings, but there was NO warning or even lead up to him trying to kiss me. There was no heavy duty flirting  — we talked politics most of the night. Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump aren’t exactly sexy.

There was no batting my eyelashes on my part, and no longing looks on his. There was no indication that he was going to even try anything. It came out of nowhere, caught me off guard and I rejected him.

And I know you’re thinking he tried to kiss me, so he must be straight… but I’m still not sure.

 

 

 

 

So, I was going to delete my Indian dating profile because it’s fucking useless and then this guy who reached out to me caught my eye.

Attractive, physician, a couple of years older than me… only issue was he lives in California.  But, I emailed him back because you never know, and he sent an email response almost immediately.

He wanted to skip the emailing and go straight to the phone, which was fine. We played phone tag for a little bit, but finally chatted tonight.

FOR 7 MINUTES.

MOST OF WHICH WAS SPENT TALKING ABOUT HOW LONG DISTANCE NEVER WORKS.

Ummmm….. YOU contacted ME, asswipe. YOU knew I don’t live anywhere near California, but still reached out. YOU should’ve known that you didn’t want to deal with long distance BEFORE emailing someone on the other side of the country.

As we chatted and it’s becoming clear he thinks the distance is too big, he goes on to say, in a voice that’s trailing off:

Well, we can still talk, you know, feel free to reach out and call me and I’ll do the same and maybe we can meet up.

Feel free to fuck yourself.

That’s harsh, but really, I’m not calling…. I would’ve made effort if he wasn’t already so defeatist.

Who knows, maybe he’ll have some shit dates and reach out like all the other assholes, but I’m not putting effort into something that the other person thinks is doomed from the start. What’s the point of wasting my time?

 

someecards

 

 

 

So out of the blue, because Mercury is in retrograde still, on Sunday I got a text from this guy I had chatted with last year from one of the Indian dating websites. It didn’t go anywhere last year, per usual, but he was going to be in town for a couple of nights and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up on Monday for coffee or dinner. I said yes, because why not?

We ended up going to dinner at a pizza place that is totally not date friendly. It’s loud, it’s family style seating and it’s hot since you’re basically sitting in the damn kitchen. The pizza’s good though.

Anyway, the whole date was just awkward. Like super fucking awkward.

First off, he starts with questioning me on why I was so ‘short’ with him on text. I hadn’t remembered this at all, but after he brought it up MULTIPLE times I finally remembered. Basically he wanted to have in-depth conversation on whatsapp, and I didn’t.

Just pick up the phone and call, but don’t try to get paragraphs of information out of me on fucking messenger. It’s never gonna happen. So I don’t really understand why he even reached out if he was still clearly annoyed by that, but I guess he wanted to give it a try? Who knows.

Then, he starts talking about how he has to talk to so many “bitches.”

BITCHES. HE CALLED THE WOMEN HE TALKS TO BITCHES. ON A DATE WITH ME.  I mean, looking back, I guess I’m also in that category to him? I have no idea. Again, it was so weird.

In his defense, he has met quite a few not nice girls from what he told me, but he was also clearly taking it out on me in some way… like he had such a chip on his shoulder about all these other girls who were mean or dismissive, and I guess he thought I was as well? But then why bother to ask me out?

And I was being “not a bitch”! I was commiserating on his crappy experiences, and being optimistic about our night out, and trying to be engaging and entertaining.  So dinner and conversation continues and I actually had fun! Even though it was slightly awkward, he had some really interesting things to say, and he’s really an interesting person too. There were glimpses of potential.

But then. He starts asking about how often I log on to the dating site, and I told him that I hadn’t been logging in to it recently.

AND THEN I GOT LECTURED.

“Shouldn’t you put in effort to find someone? Don’t you want a family? Why do so many girls not try? I mean, your job’s not going to make you happy forever. Why even have a profile if you don’t care? Don’t you want to find someone? “

I KNOW. I FUCKING KNOW.

And he’s not wrong. He’s absolutely not wrong. But I don’t go on dates to be lectured. I mean, sure, go ahead and think that. And maybe at some point, bring it up … but on the first date?

Again, the whole thing is so weird because while he’s semi-lecturing me and telling me about the horrible girls he meets, he wanted to continue chatting.

So, we went to get gelato, and he spoke in Gujarati to me. Which is fine. I’m fluent. But that doesn’t mean I want to respond in it…  it just felt like he was testing me to see if I was telling the truth about speaking. He asked me, in Gujarati, if I wanted some gelato now that I’d seen it. I told him, in English, “eh, not so much. I’ll just have a little.” He went on to translate that into Gujarati and then try to make me say it back.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

The poor teenage gelato kid. He was probably hoping the old assholes speaking semi-English in front of him would just order a damn scoop and go so he could close up.

Here’s the thing. I’m not shy to speak in my language. But I don’t want to be goaded into it, or treated like a child when doing so. It was again, so awkward.

But all of that to say, he wasn’t a full out asshole. He was nice and paid for dinner and there were things about him that I really enjoyed and actually look for in a partner.

He walked me to my car, and as we said goodbye, he just kinda stood there. So I hugged him goodbye. Which was also awkward because I had to move towards him to do that, and he wasn’t exactly reciprocating so it was a weird half-hug. I thanked him in person for dinner and told him I had fun, and that I hoped to see him soon.

No response to any of that, which probably should’ve been my first clue.

I texted him when I got home to say thanks again for dinner, it was nice meeting him, and to ask if he made it back to his hotel ok.

NO RESPONSE.

NOT A FUCKING TEXT BACK. Not even to say “yup, i’m at the hotel” or “sorry never wanna see you again” or “Damn all you bitches!”

Nothing.

The perplexing thing about ALL of this is is that he wonders why I don’t make more effort online….but the thing is, I made effort in ACTUAL PERSON. Like, who fucking cares about what happened online.

I PUT ON A DRESS AND HEELS. FOR PIZZA. THAT WE HAD TOGETHER IN REAL LIFE.

What the fuck is wrong with these guys? Or is it still me?

 

 

 

 

I have no intro for this post, let’s just go straight to the weirdo. This was the first email I got from an Indian guy on Match:

Hey There,
I came across your profile and it was a good read…a hedonist at heart; and that’s not a sarcastic remark…We are similar

Sorry in advance if this comes of random, not my style. =) But I will be in Atlanta on July 24-27 and thought it would be a great idea to meet. Maybe meet for Fun drinks, almond milk, Metamucil, or the green concoction dr. oz makes, just no yager-bombs please! To be completely honest, I am not looking for a cheap hookup and i apologize in advance if it comes of any other way; my intention is to meet and being open to he possibility of “what if”. what if we get married and have 7 unborn boys! ;P

What are your thoughts to this? Am I being ridiculous? I hope this message finds you well

 

 

Ok…  completely over the top, Jager is spelled wrong, random regular words are capitalized and misspelled, I think he *is* looking for a cheap hook up and stream of consciousness is exactly his style.

 

And why would we have 7 unborn boys? Is he wishing miscarriages on me?

 

Or… is he a FOB pretending to NOT be a FOB by saying things he thinks someone born here would say? (Yes, the answer is yes to the FOB question. The 7 unborn boys…I have no fucking idea. I give up trying to understand these nutcases.)

 

But, I am desperate, as we know. So I responded with this:

Hello! I don’t think we use the word “hedonist” in the same way, because I don’t think that’s what I am… but I guess it’s not a bad thing…

Sure, I’d be up for meeting when you’re here. What will you be in town for?

And yes, it does look like you’re looking for a cheap hook up, but since I”m not, no worries about that 😉

 

 

I didn’t expect much of a response, since I basically told him he doesn’t understand what words mean, but I got this:

 

 

thanks for your warm email, It’s what any man coming into a new city would want to feel. Your email really was sweet and made me feel special. I want to take a crazy leap with you.if you are around, I want to see you both days for sure. AM I bring crazy, it’s the only way to be. I’m smiling.

I’m coming for a big family function on Saturday; can I sneak you in? Are you spontaneous enough? I am staying at the XYZ hotel in midtown.

What are you thoughts of long distance relationship? Would you come visit me in NYC??

Let’s graduate to phone & text. What’s your number? My cell is xxx-xxx-xxxx.

 

 

NO. I DID NOT TEXT HIM. (Or even email him back after that … I’m open to a lot, but this is just like inviting a stalker in.)

MY EMAIL WAS NOT WARM OR SWEET.

I AM NOT GRADUATING WITH HIM ANYWHERE.

AND I AM NOT THINKING OF LONG DISTANCE AFTER ONE EMAIL EXCHANGE.

 

Seriously, what is he on? God.  He’s already exhausting with his “crazy leap” and “see you for both days for sure.”

 

And yes, he is bringing the crazy. BIG TIME.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I paid for Match again and I’m so fucking pissed at myself for doing so.

Who was the first guy to contact me?!?

Irish Drunkard.

He emails and says:

I just rejoined match, remember me? Its a pity we lost touch, I still think about you now and again, I actually looked for your number recently in my old phone but not there, do you want to reconnect? I hope all is well with you 🙂

 

Why? Why is he thinking of me? We had ONE date, where he was drunk THE WHOLE TIME. ONE drunken date.

So I emailed just to be nice, but didn’t engage any discussion of meeting up again.

Over the next few days, I got this:

#1:

I just got back from Ireland this week, and very fairly jetlagged. What are your plans for the weekend? maybe we can grab lunch and catch up?

 

#2

Hi CurryLove! How was your 4th? You thought I’d forget your name! ha. Its a tricky one 🙂 Hope all is well

 

#3

Good morning, I never heard back from ya! I hope I didn’t get your name wrong 🙂 It’d be great to see you again. Text me if you want, quicker..Hope you’re doing well.

 

Ok, so after that last one, I felt like I HAD to email him back:

Sorry for the delay, I just wasn’t getting on here during the holiday.

I think we’re probably better as friends than anything else, but I appreciate you wanting to reconnect.

How has match been going for you this time around?

 

And this was what he wrote back:

not interested..

 

UMMMMM………. Is he reiterating that I’m not interested? Because he’s correct.

Is he telling me that HE’S not interested? Because that’s fantastic.

I guess the answer doesn’t matter because I’m off the hook either way, but my friend’s boyfriend did say he was probably just trying to make me feel bad and trolling for a response. Didn’t fall for that one…. finally.

 

 

 

So WAY back in December, on Tinder, I accidentally right swiped this FOB.  He texted me IMMEDIATELY. As in, I still had the phone in my hand.

He seemed harmless so I chatted with him a bit, and he asked me to go to the movies on a Saturday evening. I had fuck-all better to do, so I said yes.

Fast forward past the day we were SUPPOSED to go out. Yes, SUPPOSED TO.

Please tell me how I got stood up by a FOB? Cause I just don’t understand anymore – but in any case, I didn’t hear from him all weekend, which was fine with me as I hadn’t really wanted to go in the first place.

A couple of days later, he texts and I ask him what happened to our plans?  He said he had to go help his friend buy a car.

All weekend? So busy that he couldn’t once text to say he couldn’t make our date, meanwhile he texts a thousand times otherwise?

Okkkkaaaaaayyy. Whatever. Luckily, I didn’t really care, but I was annoyed at myself. Here I was, trying to do something nice and different for me, and go out with someone I normally wouldn’t go out with because I AM SERIOUSLY TRYING HARD, and I still get stood up! WHAT THE FUCK.

He asked if I wanted to reschedule, and I very sincerely (truly, I was not mean) told him that he seemed like a nice guy, but I didn’t really want to bother rescheduling when he couldn’t be bothered to tell me that HE had needed to reschedule. I wished him luck in his search and thought that was it.

Since then, he’s texted monthly, waiting for a response, which I never provide. I ignore them all.

Ok, not true – I check my phone, roll my eyes, then screenshot that shit to my friends so everyone can giggle. It’s kind of mean, but seriously, the missed date (ONE MISSED DATE) was 6 months ago! GET OVER IT!

I’ve thought about blocking his number, but now I’m kind of curious to see how long this can go. Like, is he going to text for a full year without a reply from me?  If he put this much effort in to a girl that responded, he’d probably be married by now.

 

The Beginning (he’s in white, I’m in green, which should be clear  because the green never comes back):

 

1_

It continues:

 

1a

And continues….

1b

And it’s not just on whatsapp – I’m stone hearted on regular text too:

 

1x

AND THEN… HE TRICKED ME!!!!! WITH A DIFFERENT NUMBER!!!!!!!(I’m in the blue, of course)

1z_trick

 

I would really like to know where he got the new number, because since then, he’s gone back to texting me from the original number I had for him.

Does he have burner phones? Did he use his friend’s phone? What’d he tell his friend when he asked to use the phone?? That he wanted to text some girl he was supposed to meet, but blew off, and now he’s weirdly obsessed??

Also, does he think I sit around hating him? I don’t need to “let anything go” – I have no desire to meet him. I let go of that desire pretty damn quickly.  I think he believes I’m still “mad” at him.

It’s really weird, but honestly I’d be  more scared if he wasn’t Indian.

This is just how FOBs are because they’ve never learned to date like a normal person, so everything’s way more heightened – a date is MORE than a date, it means possible marriage. A chat on text is MORE than just a chat, it’s the gateway to a future together.

And, I do think sometimes this is why they can do well with the right person… where I think it’s over the top, weird, stalker-y and gross, to the right woman, it can come across as romantic, determined and full of desire.

I’m sure there is some girl out there who would be flattered by the attention.  He just needs to find her, and stop texting me. 😉

 

 

 


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