currylove

Posts Tagged ‘why is this so hard?

So I finally heard from him on Wednesday with a text saying he’d been busy studying for a test (he’s in a master’s program). I responded on Thursday, because this is how it is now. 

No response back from him yet, and I don’t expect there to be. He got what he wanted. 

This one sucks because as much as I didn’t want to admit It, I kinda liked him. I haven’t liked anyone in a long time and it was fun to meet someone who seemed nice and normal.

I didn’t ask him to say things like “I like spending whatever time I can with you” or joke (I think he was joking) about planning  a beach trip. I guess in some ways those should have been flags because it was so weirdly nice and future-based.  But it was never strange or out of the blue,  it fit into our conversations. 

I can usually spot douches quickly but I clearly missed him.  But I wasn’t enamored with his words. I know better than that.  I was impressed with his actions. When we had our first date,  I offered to contribute to the check. His exact words were “No way. I want to see you again.” He didn’t let me pay for anything and we didn’t go to cheap places.  If all he wanted was sex, he could’ve got that from anyone else for much cheaper. 

And the worst part is the irony of all of this.  I would tease him about being so nice and tell him it’s weird… turned out he was only nice trying to get laid. Having sex allowed his inner asshole to shine. AND if he’d just been up front that he just wanted to get laid,  I would’ve been on the same page. That would have been fine with me! 

I don’t know if I’ll ever figure this one out. I’m mad at myself for being so upset about it… But I feel used, stupid, fat, and ugly. And I don’t know how to make these feelings and thoughts go away.  

Let’s see… since the last post, things have gone nowhere with the last guy. He didn’t try to contact me much over the holidays and I decided to sit back and see what happens. 

Nothing. Nothing happened. 

I don’t care but the problem now is we still haven’t wrapped things up.  I tried to call him this past week, and he texted to say he was at work. I decided again to wait and see if he’d call me back.  

Still waiting. 

Meanwhile I went on a cruise with a friend at the beginning of the year. Cruises aren’t my favorite but we had a blast.  I also almost had a sugar daddy! He was on the cruise with his children  (21 and 16) after a divorce, and clearly took a liking to yours truly.  But I couldn’t even get past his ogling to consider anything else. Maybe the longer he’s single, the more he’ll realize you can’t just stare creepily at women. 

I also was strongly pursued by a very cute married guy. Why are the cute ones always already married? I made sure he stayed faithful but it blows my mind that he even hit on me while he was on the cruise WITH his wife. WTF.

And then there’s the young guy I’ve been seeing. We’ve had 3 really fun dates so far. But he’s 29. TWENTY-NINE. That’s a 10 year difference.  I’m officially a cougar. Not sure how I feel about that. 

But he’s interesting to me, and smart, and weirdly fucking nice.  And I cannot figure out if he’s really this nice,  or it’s just a game?   If it’s a game then he got what I would assume he wanted on our last date.  We had fabulous sex. I mean, the boy’s 29. He can go alllllllllll night.  

But now it’s the “is he still interested? ” part of the game. We’ve texted a bit since hooking up; he was out of town this weekend so we haven’t made plans to see each other again yet. I hope we do. 

But for now… I wait. 

We’d left things with a decision to meet again, and a few weeks after our first meeting, I was going to be in DC for work. I planned on staying through the weekend and going to the company Christmas party, so I invited him. He’s officially gone to more of my company parties than people I actually work with.

He got there Saturday afternoon, and from Saturday to Sunday, when we weren’t talking about DC landmarks, we talked about work. Again and again and again. I was so bored I thought my eyes would roll out of my head.

I also decided I wasn’t going to bring up anything important – I wanted to see if he wanted to bring it up, or at least learn more about my past. I still have questions about his, and just generally, I wanted to see if we could have a relaxed conversation about all things in life.

Nope. We cannot.

We do similar work, so I understand why it’s an easy fallback, but really – I have more chemistry with Lincoln’s statue than I do with him. We don’t laugh a lot when we’re together, we don’t chat about anything of substance, and when we do, we don’t agree.

As we drove through DC, there was homeless outreach going on and I said something to the effect of “That’s so nice” and he said something to the effect of “They should get a job.”

I almost lost it. I did go off a bit on him about the reasons homelessness exist in this country and how there’s no safety net and how it’s so hard to get out of once you’re in it, but I don’t know that he cared. I also don’t think it makes him a bad person, but it’s not how *I* think. I told my parents he said that and even they were incredulous. My mom’s response was “What address would they even give for a job?” EXACTLY MOM.

Then, we had a ridiculous conversation about kids playing sports. I have to read up on kids/sports/injuries for work and said that with all the information coming out around TBI (traumatic brain injury) and CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy) I wouldn’t want my nieces or nephews playing a sport where the potential long term effects aren’t known yet, or they’re known but aren’t widely studied. You only have one brain, man. Keep it as sharp as you can for as long as you can. That’s my take.

His take was, “Well, I wouldn’t say no if my kid wanted to play. It’s their choice.”

My response to that was, “That’s why you’re the parent. Because you’re supposed to know better than a 7 year old.”

When I mentioned this to some friends, their response was, “Yeah, that’s why you see kids of these FOB parents running around all over the place with no discipline!”

And they’re right. There’s a fundamental difference that I can’t pinpoint, but even my sister’s seen it – she has fobby friends who are very sweet, but the kids, who were born here. OMG. Hellions. No structure, no guidance, no bedtimes, no nothing… they do whatever they want. And it’s an epidemic.

Anyway, he dropped me at the airport. Had our awkward side hug (oh, he stayed in the hotel room next to me. Not even a kiss goodnight after the party.) to say goodbye.

Since then? No calls. Just stupid texts: “How you doing? How’s work? My work is busy.”

I’m pretty much done and just need to call it. I think he is too. But I also think we have zero other options. BLAH.

I was chatting with my downstairs neighbor who’s 75 years young. She is so vivacious and awesome. She has adult children, still works a full time job and decided she’s been single for long enough (by choice) that she decided to get on Match.

She had a date with an 80 year old guy. First date went well and they set up their next one. Their second date was near his birthday – she took him a bottle of wine, they sat outside on his deck and watched the sun set on the river ($$$), and they went to one of the best restaurants in town.

I saw her a couple of days after their second date, and she hadn’t heard from him. She texted him “Happy Birthday” and wished him well.  No response. Five days later and she hadn’t heard from.

SHE NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN!!!! AND… WE CAN’T EVEN JOKE HE DIED. Because you know… he may have (but really, I think he’s just an 80 year old douche).

Anyway, it really does not matter their fucking age.  Assholes are assholes, whether their bodies are amazing or wrinkly. It just never gets better.

 

 

 

 

 

So, clearly my dating/love life journey is going nowhere and I just have to come to terms with that. I may be alone forever. Oh well.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not irritated by other people’s seeming success. I know someone who is lazy and generally useless, and divorced because of those two reasons. From Facebook, it’s clear he’s dating some new girl who must have the hookup because he’s been at sold-out concerts and tennis tournaments.

AND HE IS OVER 40, LIVES WITH HIS FAMILY AND DOESN’T HAVE A JOB… so there’s no way he’s paying for this shit. He can’t be. If I find out he is through his funding mechanism (aka, his Dad), I’ll update this. But for now, I think either she’s paying or she works at a job where she gets free tickets, because they’re always in the VIP areas.

WTF. JUST WTF.

I can’t get a proper dinner. He gets VIP access to Drake? ARGH ARGH ARGH.

 

 

 

So last week, Thursday, I called home and my mom gave me an email address from a matrimonial ad in the paper. It was the usual, “40 year old doctor, innocently divorced, seeking suitable match.”

Mom says:

“Make sure you right today. It’s Thursday – it’s a good day.”

As soon as she said that, all I could think was how does she still believe??? I sent my med school applications on a ‘good day’, I’m not a doctor. I have sent countless emails to these guys on ‘good days,’ I’m not married yet. I’ve done so many things on ‘good days’ and it doesn’t fucking matter one single iota.

But she does believe, and so I emailed this innocent divorcee on a good day, knowing full well I’ll never hear back.

She asked me today if I got an email back and I kind of giggled and said,

“No Mommy. There’s not going to be one.”

And she let out this heavy sigh and goes,

“Why are they so dumb? Why do they put an ad in the paper if they don’t really want to write to anyone? They should AT LEAST write back and say they’re not interested.”

Yes! I agree! Be slightly professional about it! I mean, I seriously doubt this dude is getting so many flipping emails that he can’t keep up. But what I do think is probably happening is that he is getting at least a few responses from women that are 10-15 years younger than me, and that’s probably more appealing than a 38 year old.

Even though I would be a suitable match.

 

 

Today, I got a message on bumble from some white guy who did the usual blah blah blah and then, out of nowhere, says, “I like your color!!”

Ummm thanks?

So I guess the thing is, I’m not surprised – clearly I expect guys who aren’t Indian to self-select in dating someone who isn’t whatever color they are. But I don’t expect it to come out so fetishized.

I didn’t respond right away, so a few hours later I got another message from him that asked, “Was I too eager?”

I finally had a chance to reply and just said that his comment about color threw me, and I’d never had anyone say that to me before ever meeting.  He then goes on to say, “I just like darker girls!”

And then BECAUSE THIS IS ALL I HAVE NOW … I found myself thinking, “Well, at least he’s already attracted to me. Maybe this could be ok.”

Because, though I haven’t blogged about them, I did have a bunch of first dates that were SO BORING. They were all Indian guys, who I’m sure wanted to go out with me because I’m Indian, so how is this any different? Would it be reverse discrimination if I didn’t go out with this White Guy with a Fetish??

I don’t know anymore.

 

 

 

 

 


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