Posts Tagged ‘work sucks

I’ve wanted to start my own company for a long time now…. I’ve finally started doing the research and today I talked to my manager about it. I was nauseous even getting through the conversation but he was amazing. Nothing but supportive and kind…

I told him about how so many people have come to me in the past few months, looking for me or someone exactly like me, to help them with projects – and it got me thinking even more, why should I help some company make a profit when it’s not the company they want, it’s my expertise that they seek? Why shouldn’t I use this to my own advantage, instead of for someone else’s?

I’m worried about so many things. What if I do the research and realize that it’s not something I want to do? After all this talk about it, would I look like a jackass if I didn’t start something on my own? He assured me I wouldn’t. That even if he was managing me 2 years from now, he’d be happy if I was happy.

What if I crash and burn and have to go crawling back because I couldn’t make it on my own? He said it’d be fine, because he knows I wouldn’t burn any bridges on my way out and if I needed to come back, they’d welcome me with open arms.

What if I suck? What if I can’t do the things I think I can? He said I would never know until I tried, and until then I would always wonder.

What if the opportunities I think exist actually don’t? What then? He said then at least I would’ve tried and would know why things didn’t work.

What am I doing? Who gives up a job that pays incredibly well, with benefits, to try to start their own company? Am I being stupid? He said I should make sure to cover my costs, but that I should still try.

I told him that if I never try, I would always wonder how good I could’ve been at what I do – I’m better than what I do now, but I don’t know exactly how good I am. And he said I should find out, to be happy with myself.

He said he saw in me a drive that wouldn’t be quieted even with more money or a different position in the company. He said he knew I had to try to find myself, because otherwise I would never be satisfied.

I assured him it wasn’t about the money – and he said he knew that. I told him I had to try to make something of myself that was better than I am now – and he said he knew that.

I told him this had nothing to do with the company or him or anything but my own desire and determination. And he said he knew that.

He asked me what I was so scared of, and when I told him it was failure and disappointment in me, he asked who I thought would be judging – he said it would never be him, or any of the other managers, because they know me and know I would’ve tried my best.

I knew he’d be open to hearing me out, but I didn’t know how supportive he would be. It means so much to me that he believes in me and sees in me something that I see in myself, and honestly, as much as I want to succeed for myself and my family, I want to make him proud too – I want him to be able to say, “Yeah, she was one of mine. I told her to go for it — Look at her now.”

The problem with my job and skill-set is that until you have it, you don’t really know you need it. It’s not something that a lot of people think about up-front, but if it’s not taken into account, things can be pretty disastrous.  So now, I just need to find out how to get people to understand how important I actually am. 😉


I have always known this. A few years ago, I had to FIGHT for a raise when I got a promotion. I was actually told by my manager at the time (who was a woman) that “a promotion doesn’t necessarily come with a pay increase.” Then… why am I taking on extra work? Because I’m a sucker?

I negotiated myself +2%.  And the promotion I took? Into management. I took on a team of 7, plus hiring responsibilities plus added meetings plus current daily duties (all of this without any training, of course). AND I GOT 2% AND SAID “THANK YOU” LIKE A FUCKING MORON.

As I was being moved into management, I had a friend who was being hired to come aboard. We were chatting one day and he told me what their salary offer was and what he ended up with… it was equivalent to mine. And I was his boss. So basically, he was making the same pay as me for half the work.

Fast forward to today. I left the old position about 1.5 years ago because I was ready for something new and moved into the job I currently hate. But it was more money and less responsibility and international travel, so I took it. Moving into a new company always offers more negotiation room than staying in the same one, so I managed to get myself +8%. Not bad… I was happy with it…

Until today. I accidentally found out* that someone I USED TO MANAGE took a VERY similar job with the same company I’m at and is making approximately $6,000 more than I am. That’s without the management experience, without the same work ethic, without the same quality of work and … without being a girl.

There are some differences between us (he works in a different division than me and has his medical degree (from another country, he never practiced in the States)), but, work-wise, in our field, I AM THE BETTER EMPLOYEE. I have more experience, I have better references and I KNOW MY SHIT. And to brag about it, I’m in really high demand for what I do. Also, I don’t think he got a 20% salary increase with the new job, which means he was probably already making more than me WHEN I WAS HIS FUCKING BOSS.

So why am I not being paid an equivalent salary??!?!?!?!?!?



It’s not fair and I’m fucking livid.


*How I accidentally found out (this is pretty funny, actually):  This afternoon, I got a voicemail from some HR guy telling me about a possible new position at a different company and asking me to call back. He thought he had properly hung up the phone, but hadn’t (HUGE fear of mine!!!!), so I heard the rest of his conversation with his coworker: “Yeah… he makes $XX,xxx… (some mumbling) really like her… she sounds American…exactly what we want in management…. voicemail was short and good. She’s what we’re looking for…

HAHAHAHAH. I sound AMERICAN. I guess that could be racist, but I just think it’s super funny. And I’m sort of flattered I sound good on my outgoing voice message, because I think I sound like I’m six years old! As my friend, F, said maybe they think I’m “a small American child who is a super genius!”  😉

Not sure where it's from originally, but I got it at:

Not sure where it’s from originally, but I got it at:


Posted on: June 11, 2012

Went home to my parents’ place in Florida this weekend – my sister and I met up at the Atlanta airport and surprised our parents with a visit (my brother couldn’t come, which was a shame). All through our layover and on the flight, my sister’s kids (6 year old girl, 3 year old boy) were so excited and would not stop talking about HOW they were going to surprise them: “I’m going to jump up and down and say boo! No, I mean peek-a-boo!!!!” … “I’m going to yell SUP-WHISE!!!!!” … “I’m going to yell THIS LOUD!” … um yeah, none of that happened.

We got there, rang the bell, and DEAD SILENCE. Neither said ANYTHING! In any case, Dad came out first and was fine – recognized us all and gave the kids the biggest hug. Mom, on the other hand, came out, was confused (since they weren’t expecting us) and then almost fainted.  Like seriously started to weeble-wobble in the door way, held herself up with the frame of the door and then started to cry. I really thought we were going to have to call an ambulance. SO… that was the first and last surprise visit they’ll ever get!

The kids are awesome and put everyone in a good mood. We didn’t even talk about me not being married! I didn’t even get yelled at! We went to the beach and the pool and played all day long. I now know why people say that it’s best to have kids when you’re young. They’re a lot of work — it’s freaking exhausting! We ended up at the beach during high tide, so there were a lot of waves – the kids can’t really swim in the ocean (pool’s fine) so just imagine fighting breaking waves with an extra 3o lbs hanging off you. It’s soooo tiring.

The 6-year old gets up around 8am and stays up till 10pm. AND TALKS ALL DAY LONG.  I love it 🙂  She’s my mini-me and we have so much fun together. She’s also not as moody as when she was little which is nice. She’s also super cute and really smart. It’s fun to chat with her about everything (apparently, she asked my sister one day if her little brother’s pee-pee was going to fall off when he got older.  ha ha ha ha ha. We could not stop giggling about that for a long time).

The 3-year old is a naughty, funny little boy. For the first full day, he’d walk around saying, “I’m gonna punch you in the stomach!” and I could not figure out why. Turns out it’s from some song they learned in school, so we sang it all weekend – ‘My name is Choo Choo Charlie, I know karate, gonna punch you in the stomach, oops i’m sorry. Gotta go potty, call my mommy. My name is… freeze.”  W.T.F.

Anyway, I told the kids I was going to tell the people I work with that I was going to punch them in the stomach. And my little one looks at me and he says “If you do that, then you’ll proll-a-ly have to go to jail. They’ll call the po-leese.”  Yup – that is all true. I told him he was right and he’d have to visit me in jail.

Being a three year old boy, farts are the funniest thing in the world. So are poop jokes. We all have a LOT of fun being gross together.

So I came back to my place – all alone – and I miss them and my sister and my mom and dad and wish I was still there. Especially since come tomorrow morning I have to go to work and I’ll feel like punching people.

This is home

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