Posts Tagged ‘you cannot be shorter than me

So as we last ended, somebody was in the hospital.  And as I said, I did text to wish Shorty well, especially since we were supposed to have a date tonight.

This is the text I got this morning:

“It wasn’t me. My family called at lunchtime to tell me my mom was taken to the ER in the ambulance for chest pains and low blood pressure.”

Of course I can’t ignore that, because I’m not a complete bitch, so I texted back:

“Oh no! Hope she’s doing better now? Clearly we should postpone meeting up so you can be with the family. Hope she’s out of the hospital?”

His response?

“She’s far from out of the woods, but coherent and responsive. They admitted her but there are more tests today. Silver lining is my family’s coming in.”

What. The. Fuck. Seriously… WHY DIDN’T HE JUST SAY HIS MOM WAS IN THE HOSPITAL YESTERDAY AND THAT WE CANT GO OUT TONIGHT?!?!?!?!  Nope, he had to tell me how he had skittles for dinner, and how he got yelled at by his boss, and how he went to the hospital to visit someone… yet doesn’t bother to tell me that he needs to cancel our date and that IT IS HIS MOM WHO IS IN THE HOSPITAL!?!?!

For someone who loves to text incredibly stupid details of the day, he sure leaves out the big ones. What a fucking moron.

The last text I got from him today?

“I saw a sign in the hospital lobby for an Alzheimer’s support group. Do you suppose anyone remembers to show up?”

Fucking hell. I’m in a text relationship with Henny Youngman.







Shorty totally has a texting problem. I wonder if he’s just sending out mass texts and hoping someone responds and somehow I ended up on his list of recipients?

Yesterday, I got a super long explanation on how someone left work before they approved his ongoing iPod purchase and so he’d have to just go buy it and expense it.

Do I hear you not caring? Because that was my fucking reaction. Did he forget I don’t work with him? That I don’t automatically know what he’s talking about? THAT I DO NOT CARE?!!? I would assume my non-responses to his random texts would indicate my lack of interest. But no… because they keep on coming.

Today, I got this at 10am:

“Good Morning! The dentist is going to town in my mouth. Good times!!”


Also… was he texting FROM the actual dentist’s chair?!!? Which is what I texted back and asked him, because even *I* cannot let some things go.

His response:

“In the gap between the cleaner leaving and the dentist showing up.”

As my friend pointed out, I’m just filler. Also… WHY DO I NEED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS?!!?!? Good grief.

I didn’t text back, because there’s nothing to say. SO THEN!!! About an hour ago, I got this text:

“Smashing day! Got thrown under the bus at work for an hour in front of an oblivious VP.  Spent the evening at the hospital. Had skittles for dinner and just getting home now. I’m exhausted.”

Jesus. I’m exhausted just reading it. I was totally not going to respond but my friend said it would be rude since we couldn’t figure out if he was the one in the hospital or not. I’m guessing not, because I am SURE I would’ve gotten multiple texts about the nurses and what they were doing to him.

But she said I had to text him so here’s what I sent:

“Sounds like your day sucked. Hope you weren’t the one in the hospital…”


I had my date with Shorty about a week and a half ago. We’ve made plans to meet back up this coming Friday night, which I’m wondering if  I should be regretting.

I get anywhere between 2 to 4 texts from him per day, which elicits about one text back from me – there’s just nothing to say! The only thing we should be texting right now is: “Dinner? Friday at 7?” and a reply: “Sure. How about 8 instead?”

BUT NO. I get daily updates on his life, which honestly, I don’t really care about.

Last Friday, I got this text from him:

“Good Morning! How was your evening? Mine was “interesting.””

Ugh. Seriously? That’s it?? How much more girly could he be? Of course he’s waiting for me to respond and ask WHY. I did… but it took me a few hours:

Me: “Ok, I’ll bite. Why was it so interesting?”

He texted back an incredibly uninteresting but completely judgmental story about how some guy with face tattoos sat next to him at a show.

WHY IS THAT INTERESTING?!?! Did the guy make you get a face tattoo too? Do you have a date with him? Did he leave the show with his herd of reindeer? NO? NONE OF THAT??? HE LITERALLY SAT THERE AND ENJOYED THE SHOW LIKE YOU DID??? THEN IT IS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR INTERESTING.

But his texts were judgey and annoying, which then makes me feel like a bitch because he’s clearly just trying to share his life and I’m not interested.

So then, I get this text yesterday:

“Good Morning! Just one week left… If anyone scrooges anything up at work, I’m going to Grinch my foot off in there.”

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?!!?!? It’s like he’s trying SO hard to be funny/witty and I’m already tired of it. It’s exhausting. Again, no response from me.

And then, he texted me some random stuff about work and the approval process. WE DO NOT DO THE SAME THING. WE DO NOT WORK AT THE SAME COMPANY. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY HE NEEDS TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS STUFF. Truly, I don’t even really understand what he’s talking about!

I know I’m probably hard to please – if he didn’t text at all, I’d be annoyed … he texts too much, and I don’t want to read them.  But is it soooooo hard to find the right balance?? Am I seriously asking for TOO much?!!??!


I joined OkCupid. I had to – I was meeting no one, these dumbasses my parents keep sending my way are completely useless and really, I just wanted a date.

After sifting through all the topless shots (WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??? One guy actually had the balls to say he couldn’t show his face because he works in a Fortune 500 company. What, they don’t date there? And maybe if he kept his clothes on, he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone finding out!) and the random sex requests (one guy led his email with “Wanna make out?” and another asked if I wanted to get together for “oily nekkedness.” The answer to both is no.) I found a guy who was cute, smart and literate.

“R” is funny as well. His emails made me laugh, and we graduated to text after that. They still made me laugh. We finally got a time that worked for both of us and this past Friday night, we went on our first date.

I texted him to let him know I was on my way and he texted to say “Hiding.” Ha. Definitely made me giggle. He was sitting at the bar, not hiding very well, and we proceeded to have a 4 hour date. He’s funny, chatty, smart and really nice.

We get up to leave and I, in my 2 inch heels, am approximately 2 inches taller than him.


Guys. I know a lot of people will say this isn’t an issue, and height’s something to overlook. Just for backstory, my first love was 6’5″. British was 6′. I’ve screwed around with guys of all heights in between. And by in between I mean “taller than me” to “REALLY taller than me.”


I can’t do that to my potential future children! They have to have a fighting shot at at least being AVERAGE height!

But… I got nothing else going on so I’ll see him again for a second date. What the fuck, right? Maybe the more we hang out, the less I’ll see him as eye-level (ha ha). And, as my shorter-than-average guy friend always says, “We’re all the same height laying down.”  Which is so not true – but that’s a whole different post. 😉

short people



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